A Perfect Storm of Groundhogs

For the purposes of this article I have used this list of prominent groundhog prognosticators.

First of all I want to ignore the southern groundhogs. By 6 more weeks of winter, in my parts it means 6 more weeks of snow on the ground and not the light winters of the American south. So I have no problems ignoring Alabama’s Smith Lake Jake, North Carolina’s Sir Walter Wally and I definitely have no problems ignoring Georgia’s more racist General Beauregard Lee (an amalgam of the two biggest generals in the rebellion of the south).

So let’s get right on to the most famous groundhog of all, Punxsutawney Phil of Pennsylvania. He and his mid latitude counterparts – Buckeye Chuck of Ohio and Staten Island Chuck – may have once had a possibility of 6 more weeks of snow on the ground but in our time of global warming, they no longer make the grade.

So we are left with the three Canadian contenders for the prize of being the most accurate groundhog prognosticators. But, as anyone who knows Alberta in the slightest, late winter and early spring can have Chinook wind temperatures of 20 degrees Celsius and colder temps like minus 40 degrees Celsius. In general it is too difficult to define the start of spring in the province of Alberta and thus the groundhog has great difficulty in seeing his shadow or not. Maybe it’s always a haze in Alberta. So much for Balzac Billy.

We are thus left with Wiarton Willie of Ontario and Shubenacadie Sam of Nova Scotia. This year the portly prognosticators said there would be an early spring.

Could this be the perfect storm of an early spring? The only reliable groundhogs say yes. All across Canada there will be rejoicing. Until the next year when the groundhog pair say an early spring again. Then the next year and the next. Thus, I am suggesting that these groundhogs will prove global warming to the masses. What science couldn’t do, bull$#!+ prognosticating will do. Which should surprise no one. Scientists need a Global Warming Day to compete with Groundhog Day.

About Larry Russwurm

Just another ranter on the Internet
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