It was a few years ago when it finally dawned on me that “Hey,” all the people with nose rings, nose studs and other such piercings had found a loophole to the no nose picking rule. Of course they have to pick their noses when they put in these piercings or take them out. I especially would like to warn you about the person that changes their nose piercings daily. There is a highly visible yet secret society of nose pickers.
Now I’m a deep thinker so recently I came up with other loopholes to the no nose picking rule.
The first one is obvious and necessary. More horrible than knowing a person picks their nose is trying to be around them when they have a booger hanging in their nostril. I’ve tried saying nothing but it always grosses me out enough that I have to tell them. The classy people with boogers immediately go to the washroom and pick the booger out, making sure to wash their hands after such a foul act. Classy or not, a nose has been picked.
The next two loopholes are related. One can become a medical doctor and thus be made to pick other peoples noses for medical reasons or if the patient just plain shoved something too big up their nose. I have nieces and nephews and now know that this is common amongst little ones. The other loophole is when one becomes a scientist and investigates some of the things nasal, like the sense of smell, pheremone research and allergy or cold studies. These loopholes might be a problem for those of you who want to pick your own nose instead of the noses of others. Still, if one is desperate to get their own nose picked, one can jam something up their nose or enrol in studies like the aforementioned ones.
The next is a good loophole that works only if you are the right age. You can simply say when you are a toddler or a baby that you didn’t know the rule so you can’t have followed it. Also you could claim that you thought you couldn’t pick your nose since Uncle Bob says he’s got your nose all the time.
Finally you can say that you are an avant garde artist and that snot is your medium of choice for small sculptures or perhaps barely visible tracings on paper. When people question your art, you can say your pieces ask the question “What is art” and are therefore good for thinking society.
Just remember that creating with snot is just one short step away from creating with $#!+ . And some joker has already ruined that art loophole by saying that “The medium is the message.”
