Elon Musk Wants to Change the Name of Tesla

In what would be a surprise move, Elon Musk wishes to change the name of Tesla. He much prefers the name Ground X which would fit in with his stable of companies. This way his trio of companies would be known as Space X, X, and Ground X.

His shareholders may not have a stomach for such a change. Especially considering his change of Twitter to X has come along with a lowering of value of that company. Still, Musk marches to his own drummer and may force the change on his company.

After such a change, Musk may finally have an innocent reason to demand the giving of the xxx domain just for his stable of companies. Pornographers may be taken aback by this for awhile. But through force of character, determination and the exchange of lots of money, the xxx domain will become Musk’s at last.

Of course he will start with his innocent reasons. But he will start delving into pornography, first as a side hustle and as he makes more and more money, as the main thrust of his activities.

I believe Musk wishes to be the king of smut. And as such he would like to be addressed by the phrase, your royal smuttiness. Then finally he would be at the place he wants to be. A place where Prince Andrew would be jealous of his title.

Posted in Business, Humour | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Summiting Everest

While driving one day on the plains of Asia, I was surprised to come up to a lineup of people. The finish of the line was over the horizon. They all had large packs with them, so you knew they were prepared.

Puzzled, I asked a man in line what it was that was so important to wait in this obviously long, slow moving line. He said simply, “We’re in line to summit Everest.”

“But we’re on the plains!” I shouted in disbelief.

“If you want to summit Everest, too, get to the back of the line,” he said.

I had more questions. “Are your packs full of food and water?”

“No, they’re full of mountaineering equipment.”

“How do you eat and drink and go to the bathroom?” I asked.

He looked at me as if I was daft. “Sherpas of course. Why, there is the provisions van now. You can see it near the horizon.”

Finally I asked him about the crux of the matter. “Why do you want to summit Everest so badly?”

“Well, a few years ago a speaker came to my town. He had summited Everest and had stories about it and made me want to do it, too.”

“You were inspired by his stories, then?”

“No. I was inspired by the way he was lording it over everyone else, I wanted to join him and do that also.”

Now that I knew his rationale I had something to suggest to him. “Even if you do this, there will be people who can still lord it over you. The seven summits people for instance.”

“You mean climbing the highest peaks on 7 continents? Well this is number 1. I could do the rest after this.”

“Then there are the 2nd highest peaks on 7 continents club, too.”

“Well I’m not ridiculous. Besides I have my own plan. I just may be able to lord it over everyone.”

Unsure of what he was talking about I asked, “I’d like to hear this plan.”

“You’re sure you’re not going to summit Everest?”

“Oh I’m sure.”

“Well let me whisper this in your ear.”

He whispered, “Mauna Kea is the tallest mountain in the world. It’s just that most of it is under water. I need one of those tough round submersibles but mine will have more glass. I’ll submerge to the base of Mauna Kea and roll it like a hamster in their hamster balls, all the way up to the ocean surface. Then I will emerge and climb the rest of the mountain. I’ll be the first and will possibly be knighted. Then I can literally lord it over almost anyone!”

He was done and pulled away from me. “Good plan,” I said.

I got back to my car and said, “I guess all you people are dying to climb Everest so have at it.”

I tried to get past the line in my car but it kept going. Finally I took a right and the line became just a memory.

Posted in Geography, Humour, Science Fiction, Social Science | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Enhanced Games

The Enhanced Games might actually get off the ground and offer a place where athletes can use steroids and other scientific enhancements while competing. They hope to get the “real” world records. And if you care to say that this is immoral, they have prepared answers for you.

The Olympic Games are a real money maker. But the “amateur” athletes competing don’t make enough to live on and thus have to have other income. They plan to change that. I hate to say it, but they may have a point.

Still, I won’t give it a firm okay unless I hear that steroids are not shortening the lives of the athletes. I’m afraid that definitive studies are only going to come about because of the Enhanced Games. These athletes are going to be guinea pigs in this instance.

There are also known side effects that most would find troubling. Like a higher risk of torn tendons for example. There are side effects that may shorten the lives of users. Like high blood pressure, increased bad cholesterol, lowered good cholesterol and problems with the heart.

And ‘roid rage is real. This side effect could get stars in, say, a track event likely to fight at the slightest provocation. This could be used by other competitors. You know, a computer generated voice that sounds like the second place athlete saying something terribly insulting about the first place athlete causing a disqualifying fight that the third place athlete’s accomplices started.

Ideally, the Enhanced Games would go long into the future. So the successful male athletes may gain valuable rights to have a third or fourth child, which would be banned in the rest of society. However this may be impossible with long time steroid use making them infertile.

The Enhanced Games are claiming to be a home for all athletes. A few years ago Oscar Pistorius won a medal even though he was a double amputee running on “blades”. This blade runner was thought in some circles to have an unfair advantage. Whether true or not, special limb and other replacements will soon be able to have improvements on the normal body parts. These bionics might tempt people to rid themselves of their original body parts just so they can become athletes in the enhanced games.

I expect that eventually the Enhanced games would split from the bionic games. After all, it would seem like cheating if the bionic legs could run at 50 miles per hour. Of course the steroid users would call the bionic people cheaters.

So I suspect there will be 3 leagues. The Olympic Games, The Enhanced Games and the Bionic Games.

Posted in Science Fiction, Sports, Wee Bit O' Humour | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

45 Year Old, Pristine O-Pee-Chee Gum Found

768 pieces of O-Pee-Chee gum was found still in its original packaging from 1979. There is one case of 16 boxes with 48 sealed packages. There has been much talk of keeping the case pristine, so too, the boxes and each package. I say no to this when valuable experiments could be done to the gum. Maybe not 768 experiments, but a few.

For those of you who don’t know, a stick of O-Pee-Chee gum was inserted inside a package with 14 hockey cards. This semi-miraculous gum would last for about a year, or at least all the way through the hockey season. But can it last a full 45 years after having been made? That is the delightful science experiment we can decide once and for all. Personally I believe that not only is it possible, it will taste as fresh as it did 45 years ago.

They are auctioning off the case. I believe science money would be well spent buying the case. Unfortunately, sport card collectors are speculating that there should be 25 to 30 Wayne Gretzky rookie cards in this case. This will likely drive up the price. Still, I believe science will be able to outbid the collectors. After all, guaranteed science out weighs what amounts to gambling on the Wayne Gretzky rookie cards. Indeed, there might be zero of these in the entire case.

This is how I fantasize the science would be done. First of all, just one stick of gum would be opened. A machine would measure the pollutants in the air released, which comes from London, Ontario’s past which was much more polluted.

Then we could rifle through the package and retrieve the O-Pee-Chee gum. Next an electronic sniffer would sniff the gum. But if I was one of the scientists, I would use my own sniffer. I imagine 45 year old O-Pee-Chee gum smells a lot like the gum did in its first year.

We wouldn’t taste the gum right away because it might be dangerous. Some of the gum may have broken down into poisons. Instead we would find out most of what it was made out of by such things as spectroscopy and using a mass spectrometer, etc.

If the gum passes these tests, it would finally be time to test the gum on a grad student. They might still die but that is the risk that senior scientists are willing to take. If they respond by going “Yuk, this is gross” then we know that O-Pee-Chee gum isn’t still good after 45 years. If they go, “Meh, let me see some reading material while I chew on this,” and then proceed to read through the opened hockey cards, then you know it has its original flavour. If they go “Yum, this is wonderful” then you know they have smoked some weed just a few minutes earlier.

Assuming the grad student went “Meh”, it is now the senior scientists’ chance to also try the gum. Does the taste take them back to their youth when they collected these cards and of course ate the gum? I suspect it will. Why? Because sugar is a great preservative and I think 45 years is nothing for something with as much sugar as O-Pee-Chee gum.

Then, if the senior scientists must, they will search through the opened cards for a Wayne Gretzky rookie card. Perhaps they can recover the cost of this experiment.

Then they will preserve the rest of the boxes and packages for 45 years in the future where they will, once again test the gum. It is after all important to find out how long O-Pee-Chee gum can last. It could be used on very long space voyages.

Posted in Humour, Science, Sports | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Shortening Doctor Titles

Have you ever noticed that the English version of words is generally shorter? I don’t know about all languages but by comparison with French, the English version is usually shorter than the same thing stated in French.

This is not by accident. English works at it. Whether it be with acronyms or other shortening methods, English speakers seem to thrive on brevity. Lately I have seen a commercial with Jennifer Garner which tries to do this with a doctor’s title. They blatantly use the word derm for meaning dermatologist.

I guess that’s it. We’re doing it now. We’re officially shortening doctor’s long, long titles. And bonus points will be given if we succeed in making the titles only one syllable long.

How about endocronologist? Let’s shorten that title to end. As in, “I am going to meet my end, today.” Why pretty soon a whole bunch of people in Canada will have suggested you call 988 otherwise known as the suicide prevention line. In order to not waste the time of such a valuable resource as 988, perhaps we can use the short form endo for an endocronologist.

How about anesthesiologist? We could try shortening it to the first syllable so it would be an. But this sounds like an indefinite article or a woman’s name. So how about anes? Well what would it be if your anes and proctologist consulted? Sounds like a colonoscopy! Anes unfortunately sounds like something else. So how about thesi? I had a consult with my thesi today. Much better.

So how about that proctologist? Proc might be thought of as being short for proclamation. And you really don’t want your results and procedures read out like a proclamation. Perhaps prockey could be used as the shortened version. But that name reminds us of a game being played. A hard hitting, violent game perhaps isn’t what you want to think of as happening down there. Maybe proctologist should remain untouched by our shortening.

Then there’s oncologist. There I support the one syllable shortening to onc. Even though an ankh is pronounced the same. Oncologists are cancer doctors and a cancer diagnosis can mean death. But the ankh is a symbol that means life. Lately this battle between life and death often means more life after the cancer diagnosis. That is the trend. So life isn’t a bad symbol for the oncologist.

These are just some specialties I’m familiar with. The list of doctor specialties is, I believe well over 30. Have fun shortening their specialties yourself. Remember the English language will be proud of you.

Posted in Humour, Language, Science | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Zebras

Referees wear vertically striped outfits that are black and white. Not surprisingly they get called zebras by many. But despite the haranguing referees get, they are considered to be upstanding citizens with good opinions on the match or game they ref. They are an authority figure.

For the longest time, prisoners wore horizontally striped outfits that were black and white. I think they were given such clothing in an effort to stand out from the crowd. If they escaped their prison they could easily be spotted before they managed to change clothes. As prisoners, they were largely looked down on by the general public.

What is it about black and white stripes that denotes the position in society so easily? Could it be that vertical stripes are slimming and therefore of a higher standing? Horizontal stripes make someone look broader and does that denote lower standing?

Does the black and white part, mean that they see things in black and white? Maybe they make the mistake of seeing everything as good or evil, right or wrong. I don’t know because I didn’t come up with this design.

But I do think that the middle class could be denoted by black and white stripes on a 45 degree angle. If we let someone dress up like that, though, I bet one of the first comments would be, “You’re crooked!” since crooked also refers to the criminal, this design doesn’t make the wearer an average, non-criminal, society member.

The only way to denote the ordinary citizen that I can see, is to use zigzagging patterns, sometimes known as saw-tooth wave patterns. But should they zigzag horizontally or vertically?

If the vertical stripes is upper class, then the horizontal stripes would mean lower class. Perhaps the horizontal saw-tooth wave pattern could denote lower middle class. Charlie Brown has a yellow and black shirt with this pattern. Does that mean he was lower middle class? Then the vertical saw-tooth wave pattern could denote upper middle class. We could all display our class with our clothing. Doesn’t that sound icky.

If you don’t want to do this might I recommend any clothing other than black and white stripes.

Posted in Fashion, Humour, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Average Girls

It’s easy to pick on someone when they have characteristics which aren’t like yours. That person is too fat, for example. But it’s not the fat you have an issue with. It’s their lack of averageness. This frees you up to also condemn others for being too skinny.

Picking on someone who is intellectually stunted is so easy. Almost too easy. As such, you need a bigger challenge. So as a group, you decide to pick on someone who is intellectually gifted. Now that can be more of a challenge. But not really when you have numbers on your side.

Many who are small are subjected to teasing and being pushed around by their more average peers. But do we leave the tall people alone? We may not be able to push them around but use jokes to keep them in line. “What’s the weather like up there?” Or calling someone Tree if they are very tall.

It is my belief that this has been going on for many, many years. In fact I think someone who was intellectually gifted in math and language came up with a counter plan. They decided to also name the average as being the mean. They did this knowing full well that the mean can also mean the nasty.

Mean Girls is coming out this week and is based on the 2000s movie but is reimagined as a musical. So I hope this is timely. Now you can understand my title. But let’s take a look at what happens to the mean after middle school and high school.

One of the things that people supporting the bullied say is that it gets better. After high school and middle school, things get better. Averageness doesn’t rule as much in later life. Why? Because averageness is exhausting.

Usually the workforce doesn’t want average employees. Taller, or stronger workers are more likely to be wanted for physically demanding jobs. The intellectually gifted may be better at some desk jobs. The big overweight people may be better bouncers or other jobs in which they don’t need to be fast runners,

It’s tough to stay average. Middle aged people often sprout bellies and other weight gain. Do you still want to be the average in middle age? You’ll probably be a good deal heavier than in your youth, then.

Then, too, average becomes boring after awhile. Say you are a person who likes hearing about famous battles. Soon you will have memorized how famous battles went in history and you become the local expert. Experts aren’t average. To be average you almost can’t have a hobby.

In short, mean doesn’t win in later life.

Posted in Language, Mathematics, Wee Bit O' Humour | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Xmas Coke Party

Listen to this intro from TMZ: Kim Kardashian hosts holiday party with snow, coke and gingerbread house.

Obviously snow and coke are slang for cocaine. But how is gingerbread house also slang for cocaine?

Well gingers are some of the whitest white people around. At least with the whitest skin (minus the freckles, of course). And their favourite bread has got to be white bread. And their favourite house is the White House (ask Donald Trump). All this whiteness seems to suggest something the colour white. Like cocaine. So gingerbread house could easily be slang for cocaine, too. You can’t fool me. I can read in between the lines.

Who was this Xmas party for? Why friends and family. Wait, their kids, too? I don’t mean to suggest that the Kardashians are bad parents. I bet no one snorted any coke while the kids were still awake.

And there is all that snow they brought in. Could it possibly be that they are that rich? That they sledded on cocaine? They want to wallow in their own wealth it seems. Or at least make snow angels in cocaine.

One thing that I don’t understand is the specially labeled bottles of Coca Cola. What does that have to do with cocaine? I know it would be cute for the guests to have these Kardashian-Jenner labeled bottles. But even if they took one home it would just end up in the recycling.

And did you see the shot of the trees and grass just covered in the snow? This is Southern California so I believe that was all cocaine. An impressive display of wealth. The whole clan (of adults!) can snort that for the entirety of 2024.

If I had that much cocaine I would be paranoid there would be strong winds blowing it away or rain that would wash it away. Forget that last one, it’s southern California. They should be worried about wildfires just burning it.

Writing about this cocaine, cocaine, cocaine Christmas party, is thirsty work. I think I’ll have a cola, now.

Posted in Humour, Language | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Best Posts of 2023

I was so very punny this year that the 1st and last post I’m linking to in this are pun based. In February, I Don’t Want to Say What This Post is About cannot be named without falling victim to the same trap that all the headlines mentioned did.

May saw the Michael Conspiracy or what I would name the post now. It was actually called Canadian Michaels and China.

In July we heard about the Swift Quake. But wasn’t this just a physical manifestation of what we had been hearing all year? Taylor Swift was all over the news and really wasn’t that big of a surprise as Time Magazine’s Person of the Year.

In September I railed about an ever practical idea. For the Love of Life, Keep Eddie Vedder Away from Drugs. But I heard in a comment from someone that he just might already be using alcohol as his more legal crutch.

In November I wrote about different types of writers in Plotters and Pantsers and related them to different types of murders.

In December I again took on the punster hat to come up with 3 puns in a very short story. It was called Vegetare.

I’m wishing a happy new year to all those people out there who enjoy strange humour.

Posted in Humour | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Unending Hair Growth

The problem with unending hair growth for early humans, is that it would literally trip up our ancestors. This could spell trouble both when running from predators and running in when killing prey.

Indeed, back then, I bet baldness was prized. So too would be hair breakage before the hair gets too long. While both are seen as a problem by some today, they could have literally saved your life back in the stone age.

The one advantage of unending hair growth is that it might take decades to become as long as its person. It could be like an old age pension. If you’re so old that you trip over your hair, then you can stay home and do lesser tasks than hunting. The rest of the clan would have to hunt and forage for you.

So it is my bet, that the first thing that stone tools were developed for, would have been to cut our hair. If you were going back in time to such an era, you could bring along a good pair of scissors. They might be prized over other tools.

I envision the first tools may have been a stone that came to a point. This way, you could put the hair to be cut against flat rock and bash the sharp end of the stone against the hair. This would have been both the first barbershop and the first hair salon.

Only after making the tool to cut hair would we realize it had other uses. Like to kill and skin prey, So I am thinking this may have been the very first tool that humanity made and used, So the first profession after forager might have been the barber or hairdresser.

Posted in Fashion, Science, Wee Bit O' Humour | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments