New Shepard Rocket Successfully Ejects People Into Space

I was aghast to finally see the New Shepard rocket with it’s life support pod on top. It looked so much like male genitalia that I am not going to link to a picture of it because I do not link to pornography. I haven’t seen something so obviously phallic since Darth Vader – Mr. Dickhead himself.

Anyhow, the reasons are obvious why I choose to call this the penismobile. Hot dog cars might have been called this on occasion, but I’m sure those namers will bow out after having seen the New Shepard rocket with its payload of people.

Now I know why Bezos and his mouthpieces were so down on Virgin Galactic’s flight and insisted that ship never made it to space. It’s because that ship looked cool and Bezos ship looks like a penis.

They’re also down on Virgin Galactic because Virgin Galactic has floated a price of $250 000 for a flight while the lowest Bezos and co. has said for the paying public was 28 million dollars. Now presumably the 18 year old paid less since he was only the second highest bidder. So let’s say 25 million dollars. Or about 100 times the price of the trip on Virgin Galactic.

Worse news has come out of the United States since the trip. The United States doesn’t want to give astronaut wings to the passengers of either rocketry program. Which means they won’t allow the title of astronaut be given to the people riding in their trips to space.

So allow me to suggest a name that is obvious for someone who comes out of a penismobile. Each person that goes to space this way may be called a spermatozoon. Spermatozoa compete with each other to impregnate others with the idea that what they did was thrilling and that space will be conquered soon.

So be one of possibly millions of spermatozoa running around the world, a product of New Shepard’s rising then ejection. You, too, can say you were sired by Jeff Bezos wet dreams.

Posted in Humour, Science | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Where is the Edge of Space?

Rebuffed at being the first billionaire in space, Jeff Bezos and his mouthpieces have turned on Richard Branson’s accomplishment and said quite plainly that Branson never reached space.

Bezos argument says that to enter space you have to pass the Karman line at 62 miles above the earth. The Karman line is recognized in more parts of the earth than American reckoning of where space begins.

Branson went by the American reckoning of 50 miles as the boundary for space. But isn’t 62 miles a more fundamental measure than the simple 50 the Americans chose?

Both are lazy definitions. I’m not sure which side chose first but 50 miles is obviously an easy to pick number. But did you know the Karman line is really just 100 kilometers above the earth? It sounds even more lazy than the American definition. Probably because it is. If I were Karman, I would be embarrassed that they lazily picked my name for that line.

It’s basically just a spat over which is better, imperial measurements or metric measurements.

I am embarrassed that I chose my own name for the following definition. Yes, the Russwurm line is 100 miles above sea level. It is my definition for the beginning of space.

Yes, Jeff Bezos, you are being outsnobbed. Your rocket only goes a bit above the Karman line. But this is nowhere near the 100 miles of the Russwurm line. So by all definitions of the beginnings of space you have not achieved what you set out to achieve.

If Richard Branson didn’t go to space, neither did you, Jeff Bezos. That’s what happens when you pin your ambitions on something so arbitrary as the beginning of space. Good luck with your sub space mission on Tuesday.

Posted in Humour, Pseudo Science, Science | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What to Do With the Wilmot John A MacDonald Statue

John A. MacDonald was Canada’s first prime minister. He also helped institute the Residential schools system that tortured and abused young indigenous Canadians. All this was done far away from their families and resulted in many deaths in unmarked graves. Because of this, MacDonald’s name is currently being taken off of many schools and other homages.

A plan to honour each prime minister with a statue in Wilmot Township here in southwestern Ontario has finally been trashed. This came after the John A. MacDonald sculpture had red paint thrown on it a number of times.

In the article I linked to is a picture of the sculpture of John A. MacDonald for this project. He leans on two chairs. I think that this was going to be an interactive feature where two subjects could sit in the chairs with John A.

I’ve listened to the “don’t erase history” crowd and I think the sculpture could still be used somewhere if we cut off the chairs.

Why cut off the chairs? Well then John A. appears less welcoming. He also looks off kilter and a bit unbalanced. As well he will look like he has no support anymore.

And for good measure we can throw red paint on this sculpture to finish him. After all we’ve gotten used to seeing him with red paint and he looks kind of naked without it. It also illustrates the blood he has on him.

Now my ideas may not be exactly what the “don’t erase history” crowd wanted. But not only does it show the history of the mid to late 19th century, it will also illustrate the history of our present day. And displaying him in this way is better than paying for storage for him.

I would also like to note that John A. MacDonald was knighted in his day. Note that more and more people are failing to use the honourific Sir when discussing him. I really can’t blame them. Not one tiny bit. How does that feel John A.?

Posted in History, Humour, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Billionaires vs Billionaires

By now I bet we’ve all heard about the billionaire space race. Who is going to be the first billionaire into space? Well actually it’s more than that. Which billionaire will be first into space on their own company’s rocket?

First it looked like Jeff Bezos had this thing. He was the first billionaire to set a date. July 20th of this month he will be going up on his Blue Origin rocket.

Then Richard Branson couldn’t resist and announced he would go up on July 11 in his Virgin Galactic plane to rocket. It’s billionaire Branson vs. billionaire Bezos for best business.

But is this the best we can do? If we’re seriously going to have a billionaire vs. billionaire match-up, the competition that I most want to see (and therefore the world) is two billionaires battling head to head in a mixed martial arts event.

It would probably take a good six months for these highly motivated individuals to ready themselves for such a competition. But in the meantime hype would have reached almost every corner of the globe and at last we’d have our fight.

For two untried individuals the purse for such a fight would be huge. Perhaps in the hundreds of thousands of dollars. Or (say it with me now with your curled up hand in your face while your outstretched pinky touches the corner of your mouth) One. Million. Dollars.

It would definitely be worth these billionaires’ time to do this event. They could walk in with capes that had Blue Origin and Virgin Galactic pasted on. They could take them off and then fly them like a flag for the whole match.

Now that’s the kind of showmanship they used in the old days. It’s about time they got it right. I bet it would promote the projects of this pair better than anything.

And if a billionaire or two manages to get his teeth knocked out, that’s just the random event generator that is mixed martial arts.

Finally we would have the show that the public really wants. Bezos is younger and has that advantage, while Branson plays dirty in case you didn’t get that from his one upping of Bezos. The results are going to be spectacular.

Perhaps another billionaire could challenge Trump and we could have a billionaire series. Indeed every billionaire should be made to fight MMA style at least once. After all they keep telling us we live in a meritocracy. So perhaps billionaires could show a little merit.

Posted in Business, Humour, Science, Sports | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Did Disney Purchase Marvel for the Potential Lawsuits?

I don’t think that Marvel can sustain the success they’ve had at the box office for too much longer. Oh it’s not going to be a precipitous drop – just a slow and steady drop off after the Avengers peak. Which means that Disney might have paid too much for the franchise.

But if I know the mouse, they are thinking of other money making ventures with the property. They have money to retain lawyers so I am expecting lawsuits in the future. But where exactly?

I think they were pleased to have purchased Iron Man, because of the potential lawsuits over the name. You know, with those iron man competitions that they hold all over the world. Where you have to swim, bicycle and run large distances. Disney will want a cut.

And to a lesser extent, Disney will want a cut of Iron Man royalties from Black Sabbath’s famous song.

Also, Disney is waiting for missteps from the DC franchise, Shazam. That superhero was originally called Captain Marvel before DC sued the creators into non existence for Captain Marvel being too much like Superman.

While the Captain Marvel imprint was dead, Marvel Comics took the name and started their own Captain Marvel.

A few years later, DC paid for the rights of the original Captain Marvel and entitled it Shazam for the magic word that Billy Batson says to change into Captain Marvel. Like it or not, there are now two Captain Marvels. Disney lawyers are likely salivating at the chance to sue DC for the rights of naming someone Captain Marvel.

But isn’t the mouse a source for good in the world and would never file frivolous lawsuits? Apparently you haven’t heard of Disney trying to back out of paying copyright to certain science fiction authors for their original treatments of Star Wars books. They reason that they never agreed to the original licencing terms that George Lucas did so they own the property but don’t have to pay copyrights to the authors. You could say the mouse has become evil. How would it be if we denied Disney’s copyrights? Suddenly copyright rules would be important again.

Posted in Business, comics, Science Fiction, Wee Bit O' Humour | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Nevada Teachers Should Wear Body Cameras

A group in Nevada has suggested that teachers wear body cameras so they won’t “push politics” on their unsuspecting audience. This is a thinly veiled attempt to ban critical race theory from being taught in the classroom.

I say, fine, go right ahead. As long as the teachers have the same rights as cops with regards to their body cameras. Which could mean at any critical juncture, the body camera might be turned off. And teachers need to be able to turn body cameras off because they might go to the bathroom at anytime.

Also, big brother, or simply a half decent hacker, would now be able to watch your unsuspecting kids at any juncture. Yes it’s true. Nevada kids are more precious than those elsewhere in the country. Why not show them off?

The police in my jurisdiction heard the call to defund the police that we’ve gotten used to hearing over the last year or two. Their solution was to put in place a system of body cameras. So we are now funding the police much better than we have ever funded them.

Police are still responsible for wellness checks. They still bring in those on mental health forms. They still do everything exactly the same except they might use body cameras. Which just goes to show you that the police don’t understand the meaning of basic words. Like defund. So how can we believe their reports? Just a fun question to leave you with.

Posted in Politics, Wee Bit O' Humour | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Food Circulatory System

Once upon a time Earth had no @$$holes. Well of course that’s true before life began on Earth. But it’s also true after multi cellular life had started on Earth. That time has gone now (obviously). What was responsible for this golden age? Why, the food circulatory system, of course, was literally responsible for there being no @$$holes.

That’s right. Food was circulated inside early life and eventually left again, out of the same mouth that took it in. I am unsure whether it just went straight down and sort of left by a “puking” mechanism, or if the digestive system went in a circle with the end of the circle being the same mouth that had eaten the food.

Anyhow it took life a long time to evolve the @$$hole from the food circulatory system so there was a golden age without @$$holes.

I bet you’re thinking that mmm mmm, creatures with the food circulatory system got to taste their food at the start and the end of the digestive process. Okay, perhaps this was a problem. You would need taste buds in your mouth to discern good food from poisonous food. Perhaps you could find a food whose taste was palatable on the way in and the way out. The only thing I can think of is very hot, spicy food. You know, the kind of pepper that burns on the way in and on the way out. And that would have been the diet of those with a food circulatory system.

But evolution just changes things. Sometimes these changes make the creatures more competitive. But other times it didn’t. There is nothing that says the food circulatory system was inferior. So aliens may never have changed from the food circulatory system. So they might call us the @$$holes from sector 8G. For both the insults we hurl at each other and the reality of our present digestive system.

Indeed these aliens may be inspecting the earth right now. In some circles it is well known that aliens like to do a lot of anal probing. Now we know why. They are most curious of those parts of the body they don’t have. Maybe they consider it a superior digestive system and wish to genetically engineer their own @$$holes just to compete with humans. Or maybe they are just curious.

Maybe they watch us and see how we kill off so much life that we don’t care about. Or maybe they see us stretching our biosphere to the max with climate change. Maybe they see how we still kill each other for war, imagined slights, or whatever reason. Maybe they think we are @$$holes by our own definition. A whole planet of @$$holes. Maybe they will ban contact because of this. Of course they don’t want to give us superior technology because we’ve found too many ways to kill with the technology we already have. Maybe we have become that planet of @$$holes.

And as with any @$$holes there might be quite a mess to clean up.

Posted in Humour, Science, Science Fiction | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

More Pain, More Gain?

We’ve all heard the expression “no pain, no gain”. This is especially thrown around by weightlifters who like a little pain with their workouts as it usually means they will gain some muscle when their body can repair things.

But does more pain mean more gain? Well, aging means encountering more pain. And generally the oldest have encountered the most pain. In another general way, aging usually means that more wisdom is encountered along the way and that the older you are, the wiser you are. So more pain might mean more gain.

What about childbirth? That is supposed to be a universally painful experience for women. Do women become smarter than men because of it? That doesn’t have an obvious answer. Maybe they become more emotionally intelligent because of the birth. I’ve heard it said that women bond more with their children than men do. This might be their newfound emotional intelligence at work.

Childbirth also brings up painkillers. Do women that use an epidural for childbirth, become less emotionally intelligent than their sisters who had a more natural childbirth? That doesn’t seem to be the case, but it is interesting to think about.

And really doesn’t too much pain mean less gain? I’m talking about the nasty effects that go under the name post traumatic stress disorder. Much therapy is needed whenever PTSD comes into play. And all this therapy manages at best is to come close to your original baseline. So there is such a thing as too much pain for gain.

This might explain why those who seek pain aren’t necessarily doing the best. We’ve all heard of S&M play and this might explain why the participants are not doing better than the rest of us. So again there is a disconnect when there is too much pain involved.

But is it possible to endure just enough pain, on a regular basis, to keep on improving?

I would like to offer up James Bond as an example. Like all spies, the risk of torture is always around. And Bond has been captured a lot. Which means he has been tortured a lot for the information he holds. Since this pain hasn’t led to obvious PTSD, I think he can be held out as an example. But what has been the gain for Bond?

It’s obvious that he has become almost superhuman. He has endured ridiculous chases and fights that would defeat a lesser man and yet he still keeps going. He has figured out ways to bring down the most carefully hatched plans of the greatest villains. Really, he is a minor superhero.

So, within reason, I think more pain means more gain.

Posted in Language, Social Science, Wee Bit O' Humour | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Underground Railroad

“Uncle Ron,” said 7 year old Ivy, “Do you know what the Underground Railroad was?”

“You mean is. It still exists but doesn’t go by it’s formal name anymore.”

“Quit it Uncle Ron. My teacher said it no longer exists. Since they stopped slavery.”

“Oh it does exist. In many cities. Perhaps you know it by it’s slang name: the Subway.”

“You’re making things up!”

“Am not. A subway is an underground railroad. By definition.”

The Underground Railroad. For escaping slaves.”

Uncle Ron screwed up his face for a moment before beginning again.

“I see. So you think that slavery no longer exists. Can you explain to me what a farmers market is?”

“That’s where farmers sell the food they’ve grown. A farmer’s market.”

“No. I said farmers market. Without the apostrophe. That’s the place where they sell farmers. Haven’t you heard that farmers work for peanuts? Well they literally do. They grow peanuts to feed themselves and the ones that are left over are sold in grocery stores. The grocery conglomerates get the money.”

“No!” Exclaimed Ivy quite sure of herself.

“Where do you think the government goes when they’ve got a bone to pick with Vietnam or North Korea or Nazi Germany?”

“I don’t know.” said Ivy.

“They go to the general store to buy a general. And the really good generals cost a lot of money. That’s why countries usually end up in debt after a war. They spent so much money on generals.”

“I don’t think that a general store exists.” said Ivy.

“Well they used to. That’s something else your teacher could teach you. Then there’s the smallest market of all. The Flea market. Do you know what they sell there?

“They don’t sell fleas. And you can’t make fleas into slaves. They won’t understand.”

‘You’re right. They don’t sell fleas. They sell Flea. The bassist for the Red Hot Chili Peppers. And they only sold him once. To his band. He was worth a lot of money. So much in fact that the owner of the Flea market went into retirement when Flea was sold.”

Ivy stood arms akimbo and then pointed at herself. “I’ve been to the flea market. A few times. It has a bunch of mini stores in a big building. No bassist.”

Uncle Ron laughed. “Well maybe I’m wrong about the flea market. But I’m right about the other two.”

Posted in History, Humour, Language, Music | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Perfect Pitch

“I want you two to hear my latest musical fave,” I said to Mr. And Mrs. Tunic.

I began playing Heat Above. Keyboards started the song. “It’s Greta Van Fleet. Their latest song. It doesn’t sound like Led Zeppelin but it’s good just the same.”

Drums came on and that led to guitars, where rather obviously, Mrs. Tunic’s face fell flat. Then she spoke, “I can’t listen to this music. It has screeching guitars.”

“What’s wrong with that?” I asked rather innocently.

“I have perfect pitch. Guitars are almost never tuned fully and completely. And even when they are, the strings have to be bent to change notes and that makes the notes off from perfect even further. It’s very irritating when you have perfect pitch like myself.”

Not knowing what to do with my music being insulted in this way, I just let the music play some more. I thought to myself if it’s that irritating she will just leave.

Mr Tunic spoke up. “And I have perfect time which is irritated by guitar music as well.”

“How so?” I asked, stunned that there are two afflictions that are irritated by the simple guitar.

“Guitarists seem to think that they strike the chord notes at the same time. But it’s not instantaneous. They may be correct at the first note hit, but the rest of the chord is off from the time of the song. This bothers me to no end. At least when music uses arpeggios, they bother to keep the time correct. Not so in strumming. It bothers me.”

It was at this point that I started to think about the third basic parameter of music, other than pitch and time.

“And my husband has perfect timing as well,” said Mrs, Tunic. “He knows when to back up his lady.” The pair then broke into a kiss.

I waited for them to finish then said. “And I have perfect volume.”

Mr. Tunic started, “That’s not a thi-”

“That’s where I slowly increase the volume of my music until it reaches that perfect volume that drives away pretentious A-holes.” I slowly turned up the music.

They took a minute to gauge what was going on. Then, “Fine, fine,” said the couple and left the room.

And that’s how I found the perfect volume for Heat Above. Now I only play it at that volume.

Posted in Humour, Music | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment