To a Quieter Future

I will not be sad when motorcycles become quieter electric vehicles. Too many times they have loudly shaken the street I’m on, just to get from point A to point B. My entreaties to make them use mufflers that actually work, have fallen on deaf ears. I wonder why those ears are deaf?

If we also take out loud sports cars and trucks, then so be it. I would like to hear them become electric vehicles, too. There is already an ad on TV where the one kid is making “Vroom, Vroom,” sounds while the other is making quieter “Woosh,” sounds instead while they are playing with toy cars.

It’s not just me either. People near highways and expressways can let out a sigh of relief. A sigh that they might actually be able to hear. To a quieter future, I toast.

If it doesn’t come to pass naturally, I say we legislate riders off of loud motorbikes and onto quieter EVs. If they must use loud motorbikes lets legislate that they only do so on private tracks, far, far away from the public roads that they are currently the scourge of. We could do the same for the trucks and sports cars that also pollute the environment with loud sounds.

It is the May long weekend, up here in Canada. In my youth, the holiday Monday was simply known as fireworks day. For the longest time it was the only day in the year that fireworks were allowed to be set off. There is Canada Day, now, and Diwali in my city of Kitchener, Ontario, when fireworks are allowed.

Anyone should know that these days are tough on animals, like dogs, cats, rabbits, hamsters, horses, monsters, etc. They are even more scary to most animals than big rumbles of thunder.

It may be more expensive right now, but there is an alternative to fireworks that doesn’t spook animals. It is fleets of lit up drones that can form all sorts of shapes and exciting aerial patterns. Do you like watching airshows? This can be very much like that only with many more participants all across the the sky. These drones fly in relative silence and can do many entertaining things.

It is my hope that all fireworks will one day be replaced by drone shows. I believe they will one day be cheaper than the fireworks displays. Again, if it doesn’t happen naturally, we can legislate it into effect. To a quieter future, I toast once again.

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Do You Really Want to Live to 100?

One of my life goals was always to live to 100. More and more people are doing so. Why not me? Well this is a common area of interest, so much so, that it has brought people to study this. Researchers have discovered so called blue zones around the world where people routinely live to 100. The first researchers say that they are called blue zones because they started circling the areas in blue. Personally, I think it is a dig at older ladies and their blue hair.

Is it worth living to 100? After all if you are in severe pain from 80 to 100, would you really want to live those extra years? Similarly, if your last 20 years were spent confined to your bed, would you really want those extra years? I think most people would join me in saying no, it wouldn’t be worth it. So living to 100 may actually be conditional on the quality of life.

But the people in the blue zones live long and healthy lives, They have good physical health till almost the end. That does indeed sound like a long life worth living. And with many people in the area living to 100, they still have their peers living a long life with them. So I bet they aren’t that lonely, either. Still one thing makes me wonder if living to 100 would be worth it.

You see, all these blue zones have another thing in common. They all eat a lot of beans.

Yeah, beans. The musical fruit. The more you eat the more you toot.

Kids laugh it off when they toot. They find humour in it. But imagine tooting all the time, as an adult. The volume might inhibit you at meditation, during musical events, or just when you are intent on hearing what people are saying. Most annoying of all are the ones with terrible smell. How are you supposed to keep any friendship intact when you both fart something fierce around each other? The humour would wear thin after decades of this. How would marriage last through too many and too smelly farts?

Yes you could plug your nose somehow. But I’ve heard that healthwise you are supposed to breathe through your nose. So blue zone folk would breathe through their noses no matter how offensive the farts of their brethren might be.

And if all the world was a blue zone, munching away on our beans, wouldn’t we be producing more methane than the atmosphere could handle? Methane is the gas we produce when tooting and it is a stronger greenhouse gas than carbon dioxide. So if the earth became one large blue zone, climate change would be even more drastic,

Maybe we should just stick to living to a less smelly eighty years old.

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Alliteration is the use of the same starting letter in a name or a phrase. I like to think of it as being a literature because it seems the further away from literature you are, the more it is likely to be used.

Alliteration has a real cartoony feel. Like in Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Mickey Mouse, Porky Pig. Pierre Poilievre, etc. So it is used in many more cartoon characters than I have mentioned.

It is also commonly used in Marvel comics for names of characters. Like Peter Parker, J. Jonah Jameson, Bruce Banner, Daredevil, Green Goblin, etc.

A literature buff might argue that these sets of names are far away from literature, and in fact, a bit tacky.

Literature has relegated sounds to the tackiness scrap heap before. Do you like to rhyme words? Don’t do it in literature’s poetry. That has been out for over a century.

Instead, if you must rhyme, stick to writing lyrics for music or lyrics for a rap piece. Freestyle rap is after all, just a rhyming contest.

The only poems I’ve seen that still use rhyme are genre poems for science fiction and some of the poems in the Lord of the Rings. These poems are definitely not under the literature banner.

I sometimes find alliteration and rhyming fun. In sticking to its guns, literature, in this regards, is against fun. Maybe not being literature is a thing to be proud of.

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Las Leaders

Los leaders of Los Angeles and Las Vegas have just started to build a high speed train line between the two cities. The bullet train that it could carry, would exceed speeds of 300 km/ h. This would be a first for the entire United States. They hope to have it up and running by the 2028 Olympics which are in Los Angeles.

This new los line is estimated to cost 12 billion dollars. Why do I insist on calling it a las line? I do because it’s the first of its kind in the United States and such projects usually go over budget. I don’t see why this would be an exception.

Las Vegas, especially, might strongly object to my calling it the los line. Especially when its reason for existence is gambling. Potential gamblers might see this as a bad sign for their gambling and might not go there. The big casinos in Vegas might see it as a bad sign for business.

But then again, Las Vegas has always had las in its title and has done just fine for itself. Superstition, because of the name, might be why cool people shorten the name to Vegas. It gets rid of the las.

In California, a high speed rail line had been approved by voters in 2008, linking Los Angeles to San Francisco. But disputes and unforeseen costs have tripled the cost to 105 billion dollars. We’ll see if they actually make this work. If they do, they might call this the saint line. Mainly because the usual taxpayer has to be a saint to end up paying for this.

Since I’m now on the topic of Spanish saints, is it a coincidence that Santa Claus could mean a female Spanish saint with the name Claus? That’s right, Santa Claus may be non binary. Certainly Santa hits most of the notes that would make him a saint. Maybe he’s telling us with his name that he is feminine in ways, too.

You may ask, what about Mrs. Claus? Look if we don’t know Santa’s deal, then how are we to know Mrs. Claus’s deal?

So there you go. I am trying to end more than one fairy tale for you in this post.

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Punch Up

I keep shaking my head when I hear comedians lamenting the idea of political correctness. They are worried about being cancelled for coming up with a joke that is not politically correct. Note also that political correctness comes from a spot of authority and that these comedians are punching up whenever they lambaste political correctness. So they can punch up if they want to.

Punching down has been done for millennia and is rarely novel or even nice. Punching down is something someone who fancies himself as a wit would do. Not only that but this method of comedy has basically been mined out. Jokes like this are just minor variations on the same old themes. I don’t know why some comedians see this as a now forbidden gold mine for jokes.

So how do these comedians punch up? Political cartoons have been anti authority for many years. Some of it is indeed punching down. But the majority is anti politician, or those who have real power, and is punching up.

Chris Rock does a wonderful job of punching up when he takes on the old “There’s just a few bad apples in policing” line. He basically says we don’t tolerate a few bad apples in piloting airplanes. You can view the original video here. That’s an excellent example of punching up and being funny while doing it. Punching up may have just as much comedy gold as punching down ever did.

Plus you can also try to punch sideways and maybe get some of your peers. Warning, they may try to get you back. That’s the thing about your peers.

And what about comedy where no one is punched. Uranus may be tired of being the butt of all jokes about the solar system, but really, Uranus could care less and will continue to function just the same as always.

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How to Make Yourself Look Sunburned

I sometimes watch daytime television and sometimes it is interesting. Sometimes it is about things I don’t care about – like makeup tips. So why do I watch this anyway? I like to see the before and after and rate whether the model looks hotter or less so after the makeup transformation. I would like to share one with you that I think does the model a disservice in making her look less hot.

This is a makeup transformation that I’ve just seen recently, and seen worn just recently. I want to advise against it. Perhaps my criticism will be early enough that this doesn’t become a big trend.

This is the so called how to wear blush if you have a round or square face. This is like half the faces out there. The only other ones they mention in the article are heart shaped and long faces.

In a nutshell they say to apply the blush above the apple of the cheek, as the bottom of the C that goes around your eye and the top of the C is on your forehead,

Do you know what else touches these areas of the face? Sunshine from above. From the title of this post, you can guess that I think this looks like a bad sunburn. You would be correct.

Perhaps you would enjoy having the make believe power to very lightly touch a woman’s face and she winces in pain and pulls back from you?

I don’t want this power. And I especially don’t want to kiss a woman on the cheek and have a layer of her cheek stick to my lips because of peeling. I guess I’m just not Jeffrey Dahmer enough for this style of makeup.

Maren Morris just wore this style of makeup to the Kelly Clarkson show, She is married so perhaps it is a bid to keep her husband off of her. “Can’t you see that I’m sunburned and can’t have anyone touching me right now?” I imagine her saying.

I hate this style and hope it dies a swift death, By the way, if some women are really trying to keep their husbands off of them, the only way this could possibly look like more of a sunburn is if the nose had blush on it, too.

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April 2024 Grab Bag o’ Humour

In many activities, it is common to celebrate with champagne. Sure you can use sparkling wine but most people are a slight bit snobbish and must have the more expensive, brand name champagne. Why is this?

Well I can’t speak for other languages since, alas, I don’t speak another language. But I know in the English speaking world it’s because champagne has champ right in the name.

Despite not speaking a second language, I live in Canada where food labels have French on the other side. So I can say with some confidence that champignon, or mushrooms, are the side dish of champions for the same reason.


Conservatives all across Canada are howling against increases to the carbon tax, They always call it the carbon tax and never talk about the rebate part. Most Canadians receive a rebate with their taxes, that is worth more than they spend on the carbon tax. Funny how that never makes it into Conservative talking points about the carbon tax.

I think the government should start calling it the carbon tax and rebate. It’s a more complete name. Yes, I do think that conservatives are counting on Canadians to not know there is a rebate part to it. They are counting on our ignorance to score points against the government.

This is kind of like the time a McDonald’s competitor tried having a 1/3 pound hamburger to compete against the McDonald’s ¼ pounder. They priced it the same but most people didn’t go for the deal. They believed a ¼ pound was bigger than a 1/3 pound.


It is my belief that horses are negative Nellies. I’m sure many people will think differently because they like the look of its mane and tail. Or they love to see horses race, either with a jockey or harness racing.

There are even those undeniably positive attributes. Like petting and grooming a horse and riding it can lead to positive psychological outcomes. It’s been proven that horses help people with their mental well being.

I don’t deny these things. I just think horses are negative Nellies because they are all naysayers.

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Creative Accounting

It was just said in the news that Donald Trump’s wealth has reached 6.5 billion dollars for the first time ever. This is enough to put him in the top 500 wealthiest people list for the first time. Just don’t expect that figure to stay at 6.5 billion dollars for all circumstances.

For instance, if some socialist put in place a wealth tax in the US, expect that 6.5 billion dollars to inexplicably become 78 cents. If you asked him to transfer all that wealth to you for a dollar, he’d say he can’t because there are too many liens against all that he owns.

If he wanted to take a loan out against all that capital, expect his net worth to suddenly grow. Suddenly he would be worth 15 billion dollars which would receive excellent loan rates.

He wants to be known as one of the wealthiest people in the world. That strokes his ego and also suggests some business acumen. But he had to eat crow when he was ordered to pay a bond above 500 million dollars by the court. Imagine his embarrassment that he could not pay this amount.

Lucky for the Donald, the appeal court changed the amount to 175 million dollars. An amount he says he can pay.

By the way this comes as a merger is completed. An amount that had been disclosed to be worth 22.5 million dollars is now valued at 4 billion dollars. How something can become worth 175 times what it was originally I will leave for you to decide.

Notice how his worth picks up just before he is in a federal election? Suddenly his business acumen looks just fine. That 175 times multiplier looks almost wizardly. Instead of what I choose to call it. I call it creative accounting. After the election, I wouldn’t be surprised if the Donald slipped out of the top 500 richest people. But that might be too late.

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Plunder Wonder

A trickle of repatriation of artifacts of particular value has already started. That is where the museums of the west and in particular Europe give back artifacts that are known to be from other countries. Because of this we are also learning more about some artifacts.

Before returning a mummy now believed to be Rameses I, there were tests conducted on the artifact. The Atlanta museum that purchased it from a museum from Niagara Falls agreed to return it if the evidence agreed. It did, so Egypt got their Rameses I mummy.

There are many more valuable artifacts to be returned. Egypt wants its Rosetta Stone that was instrumental in translating the ancient hieroglyphs. Famously it has a long passage in Greek and the same passage in Egyptian hieroglyphs. When discovered, this led to the deciphering of a lot of Egypt’s past.

Greece wants its Parthenon Marbles back. These sculptures once stood on Athens’ acropolis and at the Parthenon. There is a deal to exhibit them in Greece. But many Greeks want full ownership. And eventually, I think they are going to get it. And stop calling them the Elgin Marbles, Britain. Elgin wasn’t responsible for any of the creating of these artifacts. Elgin just took them. He didn’t uncover them as they stood for millennia on the famous acropolis.

Which brings about the prime lesson of plundering from others. Just take silver and gold and other hard to claim valuables. Why? So you can melt them down and otherwise make them untraceable. With jewels you can cut them in pieces. Which may not be as valuable as they were originally, but this makes them very hard to trace back and have it repatriated from the injured country.

This is all on you, the west, if you wanted to preserve the culture for the future generations. You must realize by now that you were also preserving it for the future generations of the country that had it taken from. It’s time to give this easily traceable loot back. However I wouldn’t do this all willy-nilly. Make sure the looted country is going to preserve it as well as you would have.

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Things the Religious Might Be a Front For

Recently it was discovered that a Methodist pastor was dealing meth. Now we can’t all be in the glamourous business of drug dealing, but here are some other things the religious might be a front for.

If you guessed that a yogi might be a gateway religious icon for yoga, you would be very right. The words are very similar for a reason and lends credence(creedence?) to the rest of our examples.

Have you ever thought that Presbyterians were a bit too nosy for their own good? Well, they might be a front for the press of the world. Always searching for that big scoop that will make a big name for themselves.

Many protestant clergymen are known as ministers. This word is also a verb as to minister to the sick. These twisted people might rejoice in giving service. That’s sick, itself, needing more ministering.

Lutherans could be a front for luthiers, you know, those who make and fix stringed instruments. So if you hear a hoedown coming from behind a Lutheran church, you know what is what.

Monks could be a front for Monkees lovers. They do their awesome chanting until no one is within earshot, then break into, “Hey, hey, we’re the Monkees, and people say we monkey around, but we’re too busy singing to put anybody down.”

The priesthood could mean any criminal priest. Maybe he sells meth like his methodist friend. Or perhaps he’s known for other crimes.

Rabbis could be a front for selling rabbits. Do you have a petting zoo? Go see the rabbi for your rabbits and other small, yet cute, mammal needs.

No matter how much you give to nuns, they are giving none away. After all, they are too busy being married to Jesus.

Anglicans may think they are a front for angels. But they are too busy eyeing the angles for their best advantage.

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