I bet most of you, when seeing that title, think about alcohol drinking first. The fact that each and every day you drink more water and other liquids just doesn’t seem to register in our society. Drinking usually means alcohol to us.

So a teetotaler is a non drinker. Indeed, when you say teetotaler most think it is a pretentious word. Non drinker is less likely to raise eyebrows. Of course a non drinker drinks. Water, juice, milk, tea, coffee and soft drinks are some of the options.

Soft drinks is a term that differentiates pop from alcoholic beverages. Presumably alcoholic drinks are hard drinks. Or as is sometimes the case, just drinks. If someone says they need a drink it is probably alcohol they are after. Despite the fact that they never need alcohol and every day they need some water.

Of course it is addiction that turns wants into ‘needs’. I just wish that the accepted English terminology wasn’t in favour of the addicts. You want a beer and need water is much more correct.

I looked up “what is the term for overdrinking?” where I meant water overdrinking. Most of the responses on the search engine were alcohol anonymous and other alcohol cessation services and alcohol terminology. I eventually got my answer in the other, very limited amount of responses. Overhydration is the term I was looking for.

Then there is the idea that Europeans drink too much alcohol. The reasoning goes like this. Europe’s water was just too filthy and contaminated that the only safe thing to drink was wine and other alcoholic beverages.

Of course Europeans went to drinking alcohol. I wouldn’t be surprised if all their languages promoted alcohol to be the first thing to think of when the subject of drinking comes about. Just like English. But really, no one ever thought of using juices to drink instead of water? How about tea and coffee where the water they use is boiled first?

One more thing about drinking alcohol. In the noughties it was largely suggested that you should drink small amounts of alcohol on a regular basis to extend your life. Studies were twisted to agree with this take. Since then real studies have been done and it has been found that the greater your alcohol consumption, the shorter your lifespan. It doesn’t extend life, it shortens it.

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Australian Woman Wakes Up With Irish Accent After Surgery

With such a mind bending headline we hit the streets to see what the average North American thought about this oddity.

First we interviewed a woman who wouldn’t allow us to publish her real name. So we will call her Fran. Fran asked, “So we had one foreigner talk like another foreigner? That’s what I would call a push. We still have one foreigner, no matter how you look at it. And they still talk like a foreigner so nothing has improved.”

‘Tom’, our second interviewee, asked, “But, was either accent thin enough that a self respecting North American might be able to understand her words? Or did she speak slowly enough in either accent so that she was rendered understandable? I have questions!”

Our third interviewee, ‘Murray’ asked, “Does it make a difference? One mumbo jumbo accent for another. Clearly she has no plans to be acceptable in America. So why should we care? America is number one!

Our next interviewee, ‘Trixie’ asked, “Who cares? Now if she changed from some foreign accent to the North American accent, that would be something. I’d be the first person to congratulate her. You must be proud, I’d say, to have gone from being difficult to understand to listenable.”

Our last interviewee, ‘Sheila’ had a delightful accent. We told her so. She said she was Australian. We definitely wanted her point of view.

“Well going from speaking normal Australian to Irish gobbledygook is not going to earn her a lot of mates in Australia. Or let her keep many of her old mates. I’d say her best bet would be to ship off to Ireland. There she could relate to the people better.”

But most North Americans we interviewed, didn’t say anything of import. Most just said, “Well how do you expect me to tell the difference?” How indeed.

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New Shepard Rocket Successfully Ejects People Into Space

I was aghast to finally see the New Shepard rocket with it’s life support pod on top. It looked so much like male genitalia that I am not going to link to a picture of it because I do not link to pornography. I haven’t seen something so obviously phallic since Darth Vader – Mr. Dickhead himself.

Anyhow, the reasons are obvious why I choose to call this the penismobile. Hot dog cars might have been called this on occasion, but I’m sure those namers will bow out after having seen the New Shepard rocket with its payload of people.

Now I know why Bezos and his mouthpieces were so down on Virgin Galactic’s flight and insisted that ship never made it to space. It’s because that ship looked cool and Bezos ship looks like a penis.

They’re also down on Virgin Galactic because Virgin Galactic has floated a price of $250 000 for a flight while the lowest Bezos and co. has said for the paying public was 28 million dollars. Now presumably the 18 year old paid less since he was only the second highest bidder. So let’s say 25 million dollars. Or about 100 times the price of the trip on Virgin Galactic.

Worse news has come out of the United States since the trip. The United States doesn’t want to give astronaut wings to the passengers of either rocketry program. Which means they won’t allow the title of astronaut be given to the people riding in their trips to space.

So allow me to suggest a name that is obvious for someone who comes out of a penismobile. Each person that goes to space this way may be called a spermatozoon. Spermatozoa compete with each other to impregnate others with the idea that what they did was thrilling and that space will be conquered soon.

So be one of possibly millions of spermatozoa running around the world, a product of New Shepard’s rising then ejection. You, too, can say you were sired by Jeff Bezos wet dreams.

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Where is the Edge of Space?

Rebuffed at being the first billionaire in space, Jeff Bezos and his mouthpieces have turned on Richard Branson’s accomplishment and said quite plainly that Branson never reached space.

Bezos argument says that to enter space you have to pass the Karman line at 62 miles above the earth. The Karman line is recognized in more parts of the earth than American reckoning of where space begins.

Branson went by the American reckoning of 50 miles as the boundary for space. But isn’t 62 miles a more fundamental measure than the simple 50 the Americans chose?

Both are lazy definitions. I’m not sure which side chose first but 50 miles is obviously an easy to pick number. But did you know the Karman line is really just 100 kilometers above the earth? It sounds even more lazy than the American definition. Probably because it is. If I were Karman, I would be embarrassed that they lazily picked my name for that line.

It’s basically just a spat over which is better, imperial measurements or metric measurements.

I am embarrassed that I chose my own name for the following definition. Yes, the Russwurm line is 100 miles above sea level. It is my definition for the beginning of space.

Yes, Jeff Bezos, you are being outsnobbed. Your rocket only goes a bit above the Karman line. But this is nowhere near the 100 miles of the Russwurm line. So by all definitions of the beginnings of space you have not achieved what you set out to achieve.

If Richard Branson didn’t go to space, neither did you, Jeff Bezos. That’s what happens when you pin your ambitions on something so arbitrary as the beginning of space. Good luck with your sub space mission on Tuesday.

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What to Do With the Wilmot John A MacDonald Statue

John A. MacDonald was Canada’s first prime minister. He also helped institute the Residential schools system that tortured and abused young indigenous Canadians. All this was done far away from their families and resulted in many deaths in unmarked graves. Because of this, MacDonald’s name is currently being taken off of many schools and other homages.

A plan to honour each prime minister with a statue in Wilmot Township here in southwestern Ontario has finally been trashed. This came after the John A. MacDonald sculpture had red paint thrown on it a number of times.

In the article I linked to is a picture of the sculpture of John A. MacDonald for this project. He leans on two chairs. I think that this was going to be an interactive feature where two subjects could sit in the chairs with John A.

I’ve listened to the “don’t erase history” crowd and I think the sculpture could still be used somewhere if we cut off the chairs.

Why cut off the chairs? Well then John A. appears less welcoming. He also looks off kilter and a bit unbalanced. As well he will look like he has no support anymore.

And for good measure we can throw red paint on this sculpture to finish him. After all we’ve gotten used to seeing him with red paint and he looks kind of naked without it. It also illustrates the blood he has on him.

Now my ideas may not be exactly what the “don’t erase history” crowd wanted. But not only does it show the history of the mid to late 19th century, it will also illustrate the history of our present day. And displaying him in this way is better than paying for storage for him.

I would also like to note that John A. MacDonald was knighted in his day. Note that more and more people are failing to use the honourific Sir when discussing him. I really can’t blame them. Not one tiny bit. How does that feel John A.?

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Billionaires vs Billionaires

By now I bet we’ve all heard about the billionaire space race. Who is going to be the first billionaire into space? Well actually it’s more than that. Which billionaire will be first into space on their own company’s rocket?

First it looked like Jeff Bezos had this thing. He was the first billionaire to set a date. July 20th of this month he will be going up on his Blue Origin rocket.

Then Richard Branson couldn’t resist and announced he would go up on July 11 in his Virgin Galactic plane to rocket. It’s billionaire Branson vs. billionaire Bezos for best business.

But is this the best we can do? If we’re seriously going to have a billionaire vs. billionaire match-up, the competition that I most want to see (and therefore the world) is two billionaires battling head to head in a mixed martial arts event.

It would probably take a good six months for these highly motivated individuals to ready themselves for such a competition. But in the meantime hype would have reached almost every corner of the globe and at last we’d have our fight.

For two untried individuals the purse for such a fight would be huge. Perhaps in the hundreds of thousands of dollars. Or (say it with me now with your curled up hand in your face while your outstretched pinky touches the corner of your mouth) One. Million. Dollars.

It would definitely be worth these billionaires’ time to do this event. They could walk in with capes that had Blue Origin and Virgin Galactic pasted on. They could take them off and then fly them like a flag for the whole match.

Now that’s the kind of showmanship they used in the old days. It’s about time they got it right. I bet it would promote the projects of this pair better than anything.

And if a billionaire or two manages to get his teeth knocked out, that’s just the random event generator that is mixed martial arts.

Finally we would have the show that the public really wants. Bezos is younger and has that advantage, while Branson plays dirty in case you didn’t get that from his one upping of Bezos. The results are going to be spectacular.

Perhaps another billionaire could challenge Trump and we could have a billionaire series. Indeed every billionaire should be made to fight MMA style at least once. After all they keep telling us we live in a meritocracy. So perhaps billionaires could show a little merit.

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Did Disney Purchase Marvel for the Potential Lawsuits?

I don’t think that Marvel can sustain the success they’ve had at the box office for too much longer. Oh it’s not going to be a precipitous drop – just a slow and steady drop off after the Avengers peak. Which means that Disney might have paid too much for the franchise.

But if I know the mouse, they are thinking of other money making ventures with the property. They have money to retain lawyers so I am expecting lawsuits in the future. But where exactly?

I think they were pleased to have purchased Iron Man, because of the potential lawsuits over the name. You know, with those iron man competitions that they hold all over the world. Where you have to swim, bicycle and run large distances. Disney will want a cut.

And to a lesser extent, Disney will want a cut of Iron Man royalties from Black Sabbath’s famous song.

Also, Disney is waiting for missteps from the DC franchise, Shazam. That superhero was originally called Captain Marvel before DC sued the creators into non existence for Captain Marvel being too much like Superman.

While the Captain Marvel imprint was dead, Marvel Comics took the name and started their own Captain Marvel.

A few years later, DC paid for the rights of the original Captain Marvel and entitled it Shazam for the magic word that Billy Batson says to change into Captain Marvel. Like it or not, there are now two Captain Marvels. Disney lawyers are likely salivating at the chance to sue DC for the rights of naming someone Captain Marvel.

But isn’t the mouse a source for good in the world and would never file frivolous lawsuits? Apparently you haven’t heard of Disney trying to back out of paying copyright to certain science fiction authors for their original treatments of Star Wars books. They reason that they never agreed to the original licencing terms that George Lucas did so they own the property but don’t have to pay copyrights to the authors. You could say the mouse has become evil. How would it be if we denied Disney’s copyrights? Suddenly copyright rules would be important again.

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Nevada Teachers Should Wear Body Cameras

A group in Nevada has suggested that teachers wear body cameras so they won’t “push politics” on their unsuspecting audience. This is a thinly veiled attempt to ban critical race theory from being taught in the classroom.

I say, fine, go right ahead. As long as the teachers have the same rights as cops with regards to their body cameras. Which could mean at any critical juncture, the body camera might be turned off. And teachers need to be able to turn body cameras off because they might go to the bathroom at anytime.

Also, big brother, or simply a half decent hacker, would now be able to watch your unsuspecting kids at any juncture. Yes it’s true. Nevada kids are more precious than those elsewhere in the country. Why not show them off?

The police in my jurisdiction heard the call to defund the police that we’ve gotten used to hearing over the last year or two. Their solution was to put in place a system of body cameras. So we are now funding the police much better than we have ever funded them.

Police are still responsible for wellness checks. They still bring in those on mental health forms. They still do everything exactly the same except they might use body cameras. Which just goes to show you that the police don’t understand the meaning of basic words. Like defund. So how can we believe their reports? Just a fun question to leave you with.

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Food Circulatory System

Once upon a time Earth had no @$$holes. Well of course that’s true before life began on Earth. But it’s also true after multi cellular life had started on Earth. That time has gone now (obviously). What was responsible for this golden age? Why, the food circulatory system, of course, was literally responsible for there being no @$$holes.

That’s right. Food was circulated inside early life and eventually left again, out of the same mouth that took it in. I am unsure whether it just went straight down and sort of left by a “puking” mechanism, or if the digestive system went in a circle with the end of the circle being the same mouth that had eaten the food.

Anyhow it took life a long time to evolve the @$$hole from the food circulatory system so there was a golden age without @$$holes.

I bet you’re thinking that mmm mmm, creatures with the food circulatory system got to taste their food at the start and the end of the digestive process. Okay, perhaps this was a problem. You would need taste buds in your mouth to discern good food from poisonous food. Perhaps you could find a food whose taste was palatable on the way in and the way out. The only thing I can think of is very hot, spicy food. You know, the kind of pepper that burns on the way in and on the way out. And that would have been the diet of those with a food circulatory system.

But evolution just changes things. Sometimes these changes make the creatures more competitive. But other times it didn’t. There is nothing that says the food circulatory system was inferior. So aliens may never have changed from the food circulatory system. So they might call us the @$$holes from sector 8G. For both the insults we hurl at each other and the reality of our present digestive system.

Indeed these aliens may be inspecting the earth right now. In some circles it is well known that aliens like to do a lot of anal probing. Now we know why. They are most curious of those parts of the body they don’t have. Maybe they consider it a superior digestive system and wish to genetically engineer their own @$$holes just to compete with humans. Or maybe they are just curious.

Maybe they watch us and see how we kill off so much life that we don’t care about. Or maybe they see us stretching our biosphere to the max with climate change. Maybe they see how we still kill each other for war, imagined slights, or whatever reason. Maybe they think we are @$$holes by our own definition. A whole planet of @$$holes. Maybe they will ban contact because of this. Of course they don’t want to give us superior technology because we’ve found too many ways to kill with the technology we already have. Maybe we have become that planet of @$$holes.

And as with any @$$holes there might be quite a mess to clean up.

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More Pain, More Gain?

We’ve all heard the expression “no pain, no gain”. This is especially thrown around by weightlifters who like a little pain with their workouts as it usually means they will gain some muscle when their body can repair things.

But does more pain mean more gain? Well, aging means encountering more pain. And generally the oldest have encountered the most pain. In another general way, aging usually means that more wisdom is encountered along the way and that the older you are, the wiser you are. So more pain might mean more gain.

What about childbirth? That is supposed to be a universally painful experience for women. Do women become smarter than men because of it? That doesn’t have an obvious answer. Maybe they become more emotionally intelligent because of the birth. I’ve heard it said that women bond more with their children than men do. This might be their newfound emotional intelligence at work.

Childbirth also brings up painkillers. Do women that use an epidural for childbirth, become less emotionally intelligent than their sisters who had a more natural childbirth? That doesn’t seem to be the case, but it is interesting to think about.

And really doesn’t too much pain mean less gain? I’m talking about the nasty effects that go under the name post traumatic stress disorder. Much therapy is needed whenever PTSD comes into play. And all this therapy manages at best is to come close to your original baseline. So there is such a thing as too much pain for gain.

This might explain why those who seek pain aren’t necessarily doing the best. We’ve all heard of S&M play and this might explain why the participants are not doing better than the rest of us. So again there is a disconnect when there is too much pain involved.

But is it possible to endure just enough pain, on a regular basis, to keep on improving?

I would like to offer up James Bond as an example. Like all spies, the risk of torture is always around. And Bond has been captured a lot. Which means he has been tortured a lot for the information he holds. Since this pain hasn’t led to obvious PTSD, I think he can be held out as an example. But what has been the gain for Bond?

It’s obvious that he has become almost superhuman. He has endured ridiculous chases and fights that would defeat a lesser man and yet he still keeps going. He has figured out ways to bring down the most carefully hatched plans of the greatest villains. Really, he is a minor superhero.

So, within reason, I think more pain means more gain.

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