Summiting Everest

While driving one day on the plains of Asia, I was surprised to come up to a lineup of people. The finish of the line was over the horizon. They all had large packs with them, so you knew they were prepared.

Puzzled, I asked a man in line what it was that was so important to wait in this obviously long, slow moving line. He said simply, “We’re in line to summit Everest.”

“But we’re on the plains!” I shouted in disbelief.

“If you want to summit Everest, too, get to the back of the line,” he said.

I had more questions. “Are your packs full of food and water?”

“No, they’re full of mountaineering equipment.”

“How do you eat and drink and go to the bathroom?” I asked.

He looked at me as if I was daft. “Sherpas of course. Why, there is the provisions van now. You can see it near the horizon.”

Finally I asked him about the crux of the matter. “Why do you want to summit Everest so badly?”

“Well, a few years ago a speaker came to my town. He had summited Everest and had stories about it and made me want to do it, too.”

“You were inspired by his stories, then?”

“No. I was inspired by the way he was lording it over everyone else, I wanted to join him and do that also.”

Now that I knew his rationale I had something to suggest to him. “Even if you do this, there will be people who can still lord it over you. The seven summits people for instance.”

“You mean climbing the highest peaks on 7 continents? Well this is number 1. I could do the rest after this.”

“Then there are the 2nd highest peaks on 7 continents club, too.”

“Well I’m not ridiculous. Besides I have my own plan. I just may be able to lord it over everyone.”

Unsure of what he was talking about I asked, “I’d like to hear this plan.”

“You’re sure you’re not going to summit Everest?”

“Oh I’m sure.”

“Well let me whisper this in your ear.”

He whispered, “Mauna Kea is the tallest mountain in the world. It’s just that most of it is under water. I need one of those tough round submersibles but mine will have more glass. I’ll submerge to the base of Mauna Kea and roll it like a hamster in their hamster balls, all the way up to the ocean surface. Then I will emerge and climb the rest of the mountain. I’ll be the first and will possibly be knighted. Then I can literally lord it over almost anyone!”

He was done and pulled away from me. “Good plan,” I said.

I got back to my car and said, “I guess all you people are dying to climb Everest so have at it.”

I tried to get past the line in my car but it kept going. Finally I took a right and the line became just a memory.

About Larry Russwurm

Just another ranter on the Internet. Now in the Fediverse as
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