Post Modern Anything is Impossible

There existed a time when the architecture and the art was hard to name. As such, the lazy, lazy people of this time called this style modern. And as the movement grew it was still called modern. Even as it faded it was called the modern style. The next style was called simply post modern.

These idiots attempted to steal a word from the rest of society. Modern has always meant what exists now. I like this word and use it as it was originally intended. The attempt to steal this word and associate it only with a specific period is despicable.

You historians of style can’t come up with your own name so allow me to call the style “clunky”. You lost any naming rights when you supposed that modern could be trapped in time. So I now can talk about the clunky style and the post clunky style.

And now, we wordsmiths can use the word modern, again, as it was originally intended.

Do not be deceived by mind bending definitions of post modern. They are trying to make believable the unbelievable – ie. that we can even say anything about post-now. Besides people don’t live in a mind bending age because most of them are simple and do not trouble themselves with such inanities as the term post modern.

I live in the modern age and will always do so. Post modern will forever remain beyond my and other’s reach. Just call me sensible.

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There’s a New Organ in Town

There’s a new organ that has been discovered in the human body. It’s called the mesentery and it connects the intestine to the abdomen. What it does is still a mystery but possibly its discovery could lead to cures for some ailments.

So far this has made it past the peer review stage so it may well become scientific fact. It’s just that “complete” anatomy books have existed for over one hundred years and the mesentery has been pointed out in none of them.

The excuse is that the mesentery was once thought to be fragmentary bits and not a real organ.

So all those bodies that have been donated to science so medical students and others can do more than poke and prod at the human body have not uncovered this organ. But all along there have been rumours that medical students play with this bounty of generously donated specimens.

An intestine over the shoulder, a bladder as a hat, who knows what these students could have uncovered if they stopped their play. The tutors and others in charge should have had a first hand look at what they tested the students on, but, evidently their learning years were spent doing the same tomfoolery.

And then there are the morgues where causes of death need to be determined. You mean no one noticed the extra bits when they suspected the intestine or the abdomen had been the cause of death? Then there are all those movies and television shows and even music videos, where they are also fooling around in the morgue and not really doing the assigned jobs. Does this really happen, too?

Is it just that dead bodies are too comical a thing to really inspect and look at and discover? This really should embarrass the whole medical community. Maybe they are just waiting for the reports that the mesentery is still actually just bits. Maybe it does nothing. Or maybe we will find in the future that the mesentery looks like a good hat on a medical student.

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2016 Year End Review and Tesla

I’ve been waiting patiently all year for someone to poke fun at the Tesla company for making giant storage batteries for the home. This is a direct current operation and would be more sensible coming from a company named after Edison who believed household electricity should be DC. Way to dishonour the Tesla name.

As usual I have mocked many various things all year. In January and February I liked my post Symbol Dysmorphia and Scotsmen best.

If you’ve ever wondered if the various regimes around the world are actually benevolent then read All Alien Spaceships from March and April.

At the start of the summer I came up with Forcing Justin Trudeau to Keep Power. Ironically it was the belligerent Donald Trump that ultimately caused Justin to keep all his power. But never fear, Justin will give it all away to the next trade deal with anyone.

In midsummer I came up with a useful invention for the Pokemon Go revolution in Attention Pokemon Go Players.

In the fall I noticed the unfair Naming Animals by Sex That Are Closest to Us. Why do such huge discrepancies exist between dogs and cats?

I finished the year with Why Donald Trump Must Deport Himself. This was such a popular post that I deliberately didn’t post the last couple weeks and instead wrote and article for my other blog, Nooz Spun Right. If you write about American politics you can get 9 times the hits that Canadian politics brings.

With that I would like to wish everyone a good new year. Happy 2017.

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Why Donald Trump Must Deport Himself

In the run-up to the American election and in the election itself, Donald Trump positioned himself to be a deporter of more of the people that try to make the United States a home. But I have to call him out as being an alien. Not an illegal alien, but the extra terrestrial kind.

Sure Donald Trump says the least little thing that enters his head but so do a lot of the people I know. Some of these people I know even do it in a microphone like Donald Trump does. But they don’t end up becoming president of the United States of America. They don’t even become president of a lesser country. They don’t even become a mayor. They don’t become the president of a company either. I believe that Donald Trump is a special case. Perhaps he has read the minds of a good portion of the electorate like any respectable alien.

Do you have to go any further than the top of Donald’s head to see something alien. Yeah, he’s passed it off as hair. But the wiser amongst us realize that it is truly alien and perhaps an orange spore releasing part of his head.

That permanent pout we see in his mouth is there for the usual reasons. He was told he was coming to a planet of lesser beings where he would get anything at all that he desired. It just wasn’t that easy as Trump University and Rosie O’Donnell can both attest.

Hands as small as Donald’s are usually found on women. But being an alien is his out. Yes he could be a male extra terrestrial. Even though ET’s hands were much bigger despite his diminutive stature.

But his orange skin and orange hair are only seen as being human because he puts Caucasian makeup around his eyes so it only looks like he has a problem with tanning. It is far more reasonable that he is a totally orange alien. And because of a leftist Canadian party (the NDP) that overuses the colour orange, Donald realized that he just disappears when he is on the left. That’s what made him into a right wing Republican. And I bet during his reign he will never visit left Canada. Hopefully he thinks that is western Canada so the NDP in the east can use a dropping that will make him disappear for good.

If Donald Trump goes so far as to deport extra terrestrial aliens, I can only say that his mother world must be calling him and his family back. Obviously the Donald will go so I just have one question. Who gets to inherit all his properties and businesses?

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Ontario SPCA Partners With Veal Producers

spca

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Dear Donald Trump

You have won the election and now there are even signals that you won’t pull out of climate deals. I write this to try to make sure you do help the climate.

Firstly, science is not a buffet. You’re not supposed to choose certain theories and ignore others. Sometimes disparate theories are there because of the same basic idea. The current scientific thinking is the best that we have. In a way, saying no to climate science is also saying no to your smart phone or any other technology you hold dear. And science ideas are vetted way more thoroughly than any Apprentice show you’ve dreamt up.

But I mean to make climate science appeal to you. You are 70 years old and I bet you hold your wealth closer than you ever did. Why do I think this? Because you probably intend to make your life as long as possible.

There’s the standard idea that being able to afford the best doctors ensures the longest life possible. But that isn’t the only thing anymore.

There are drugs, now, that extend life. From rapamycin to metformin to ibuprofen the studies still need to be done fully on humans, but these drugs work in lower forms of life. And at least with rapamycin, given to older patients (equivalent to about 60 years old in humans), it still gives a noticeable extension of life. This means it is likely to extend your life, too.

And who knows how many doctors are working strictly to extend the lives of only the rich. If eating two puppies a day would extend your life to 200 years I’m sure that you and the rest of the very rich would partake.

In other words, it is not out of the realm of possibility that you will live to a ripe old age of 200 years old. You’ve heard those cries from the climate scientists, ‘if not for you than change for the benefit of your children’s children’.

Well you, Donald Trump, are likely to be alive in the heyday of your children’s children. As such you are going to want to be good to the environment. Help the rest of the world fight climate change by fighting it yourself.

In greed I trust,

Larry Russwurm

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Credit Suisse

creditsuisse-2

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It’s Official – Electric, Hydrogen or Both Types of Car Will Be Viable in 5 to 10 Years

By viable, I mean that new technology cars will be able to compete with our present vehicles in every way. I am confident that charging ports and hydrogen stations will be brought into regular service in many places.

And why do I make this prediction with such seeming confidence?

I am saying this because normal cars pretty much all can last at least 10 to 15 years. This has not always been the case. And today pretty much any model of car has the endurance to last this long.

So it is my guess that the entire auto industry is betting that the electric or hydrogen cars will come along in 5 to 10 years. Do you see what this does? Perfectly good cars of our time will become scrapped many years early to make room for these new higher tech and better for the environment vehicles. Capitalism seems to thrive on waste.

And trust me in my pessimism that these new cars will last only 5 to 10 years. Already I’ve heard that total electrics have to change their huge battery before the lifespan of the car is done. So many will scrap their electric when the battery fails because that is by far the largest expense in an electric car.

Hydrogen cars might not last any longer. Hydrogen burns better than almost anything. Rocket fuel is hydrogen burning in pure oxygen and is powerful stuff. Who would trust an old hydrogen car on the road? The old cars might blow up taking its driver and passengers with it.

The auto companies figured this all out a long time ago. So don’t be surprised if you’re saving the environment by going through more cars.

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How India Could Field the Next Olympic Gold Medal Winning Ice Hockey Team

This is intended as a guide to how India can become the best country in the world at the sport of ice hockey.

Firstly, India must struggle through the lower tiers of hockey since they would be just a beginner when it comes to ice hockey. If India could just manage to have a high calibre scorer I know that they could make it to Olympic gold.

But what skill should that star player need? Should he be the fastest player on the ice? Well he just needs the ability to skate passably. Would that player need to be the best stickhandler? No, but he should be okay at handling the puck. Should that player be a playmaker, always setting up his teammates? No, but it is necessary that he be able to receive an assist. This star player will be a puck hog.

I know this player sounds mediocre at best so what makes him outstanding? Look at what India does best. Would this star player be able to make a Taj Mahal? No. Would he have intimate knowledge of the ins and outs of computer programming? No. Would he be able to speak English like a true American and be able to do this in a call center? No. Would he have twenty-five foot fingernails on his hands? Why, yes, that is the hard to find skill that this player must have.

In the lower tiers of hockey, India might be able to get away with a small lie. The could say that their star player had rich parents. After all who else would be able to get away with growing their fingernails so long? Anyhow, those rich parents would indulge their child in any way they could. So any scratches or cuts appearing on their son’s fingernails would be taboo. It is rumoured that they will pay for a lethal hit on whoever checks their baby.

So India will make it to the higher echelons of hockey with their lie. There the lie will no longer work as it is only rich countries that can afford to get to the upper echelons of hockey.

These richer hockey players will at first be doubtful about fingernails. After all, who wants to check this star player and end up enveloped by those fingernails. This works for a while until the rich countries’ coaches begin demanding that his players check the Indian star.

The wise Indian coach knows by the expressions and gritted teeth that the rich countries’ coaches have given this order. It is then that he brings out his megaphone and says for all to hear, “Our star player should never be checked since as well as the checker becoming enveloped by those fingernails, they will also have to imagine how he ate and blew his nose and, yes, wiped his butt all these years.”

The Indian dominance in hockey will only last so long. After years of effort, the rich countries will manage to field a team of men, all of whom have twenty-five foot long fingernails.

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Change of Heart

changeofheart

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