Reverse Stomach Growling

Posted on 15 February 2025 by Larry Russwurm

There is an ad on television, to promote school meal programs, that relies on the stomach growling of young kids to illustrate that they are hungry. I am all for meal programs for these hungry kids, it’s just that I don’t think that stomach growling is a universal sign of hunger.

You see, I am a reverse stomach growler. That’s right, my stomach is most likely to growl after I have already eaten. It’s not even a close thing. At least 90% of the time, my stomach growls when I am full. This even makes sense. My stomach growls when it has something to work on. I don’t know how the rest of you can have stomach growls when you have nothing in there to make the sounds.

I’m just saying if adults relied on stomach growls to tell if a child is hungry, they might run into a bit of trouble.

When I was younger, for instance, if a teacher had discovered my stomach growling, they might put me into a meal program, even though I was already fed. Then they would notice that my 6 brothers and sisters didn’t have stomach growling symptoms.

The principal would be called in and they would conclude that my family was deliberately excluding me from food but not my brothers and sisters. Such a sick home environment would not only result in me being taken away from my family but the rest of my siblings might be taken away as well.

Then I would be forced into the meal program despite my protestations that I’m full. “Look, Larry, I can hear your stomach growling. We know what’s best for you.”

So I would eat an extra meal that later would result in my stomach growling so they would feed me some more. Soon I would be a very overweight young kid.

Some might wonder why I was still in a meals program despite being very overweight. But then my stomach would growl and they would all say “Of course. This must just be his natural weight when he is fed enough.” That stomach growl could be used as justification for all the bad things that came about.

Not all stomach growls mean hunger pangs. I’m tired of being thought of as weird.

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Human Nip

Posted on 1 February 2025 by Larry Russwurm

Catnip is a drug for cats. If you give it to them, they will eat it and roll in it, etc. How can cats afford to be paled out on catnip when many creatures are bigger than them and could easily prey on them when they are acting this way? Cats can simply snap out of the catnip “high” at any time if they are in danger.

In the words of Huey Lewis and the News, “I want a new drug, one that won’t make me sick, one that won’t make me crash my car…” The song goes on and on about the bad effects of drugs on humans, that he wishes weren’t there.

A catnip for humans might fill the bill. Or a human nip, as it were. I realize Huey’s solution is love but we’re going to consider Human Nip in its stead.

Let’s say it’s last call at the human nip bar. They’ll whisper it from table to table. You say Heck ya, I want to be more high on this stuff. So you get some more and spend the next hour after last call under the deepest spells of human nip. When they finally want you out of there for good, they bang a big gong and this shocks all the customers into sobriety. An orderly exit of the establishment follows.

Let’s say you’re a contrarian; you want to human nip and drive. You can make an attempt at this experience but the shock of starting the engine and realizing no one is going to stop you, shocks you into rejecting the effects of the human nip. You quite literally can’t human nip and drive.

Like any drug, it is possible you may O.D. on human nip. So you ingest as much as you can if you’re feeling too depressed. But the shock of having so much, shocks you into being sober. You suddenly realize that you might not be able to O.D. on this, that the adrenaline when you get shocked might negate all the powers of the human nip.

Remember all those times on other drugs when you started to act so stupid and just couldn’t help yourself? A good slap in the face could easily send you into sobriety. As a result, since you want to keep your high, you deliberately avoid doing really stupid things.

So there you have it. It might not be love, but a human nip could be almost as socially benign as love. I think many biologists could work toward this. After all, with AI expected to take all of our jobs in the next century, we’re going to have to keep ourselves entertained somehow.

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Rantacular

Posted on 25 January 2025 by Larry Russwurm

The first thing I’d like to rant about is the idiocy of YouTube in placing advertisements in the middle of music videos. They’ve done this both for a Yes song and for a couple of songs by Jon Anderson and the Band Geeks.

Yes these songs are longer than the average song, all being in the ten minute range. But Yes and Jon Anderson existed long before YouTube and their penchant for long songs predated YouTube by a few decades.

Indeed YouTube allows those old songs to be played without stopping it in the middle and interjecting an unwanted ad, thus not interrupting the flow of the song.

Why must you interrupt for current songs of that length? If you must squeeze in another advertisement, do it before the song is played. Interrupting a song in its middle is bad for a video, it’s even worse for the musical part.

I can’t help but plot revenge. I would like to sneak into the home of YouTube’s CEO in the middle of the night and slap them awake from a deep sleep. Yes. This is how it feels to have a song interrupted in the middle for an advertisement.

I would also like to rant about Imagine Dragons. I should have ranted about this a couple years ago when it was current, but I could find no solace in humour then.

Firstly, they released an album called Mercury Act 1. I thought this was mildly amusing. I kind of wondered if there would only be one more Act. I wasn’t expecting or prepared for what was really up their sleeve. So I bought the CD.

A bit over a year later the second set of songs was released. Imagine my surprise at the CD store when I found that Mercury Act 2 was only released as a pair with Mercury Act 1. There was no way to buy a separate Mercury Act 2. I checked the CD store a couple more times after that to see if they would relent and put Mercury Act 2 out separately. They did not. I did not buy that double CD and cursed the label and Imagine Dragons for putting me in such a situation.

Though I didn’t buy that album, I let bygones be bygones and bought their next CD. It’s the worst Imagine Dragons CD I know. It could have been better. Concurrently they streamed another song, Children of the Sky which was better than anything on the current CD. If they had included this on the CD, I would have been pleased with it.

Almost all the Imagine Dragons CDs had a concurrent song released that was not on the CD. Why does the label and Imagine Dragons hate its CD buyers so much? I am almost at the end of my rope and am seriously thinking of stopping any more purchases of Imagine Dragons CDs. Imagine Dragons or the label put me at this brink.

Don’t be surprised if sales are quite a bit down on the next CD. They will likely blame it on the unpopularity of CDs. Perhaps they will wonder why their own popularity is down, too.

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Betelgeuse

Posted on 11 January 2025 by Larry Russwurm

As an amateur astronomer, I eventually ran into the name Betelgeuse. Only about 50 stars have proper names (rather than unique tags) and this was one of them. I tripped over this name when I first encountered it. Was it Bettell – geese? Bettell goose? I gave up and moved on.

When the movie Beetle Juice first came out, I actually made the connection. But I wasn’t sure so I also asked a professional astronomer how to pronounce it. They proved my guess was right when they said it’s Beetle Juice. Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse!

Well I was just wondering how on earth astronomers managed to stay out of Beetle Juice’s clutches, when they said Betelgeuse like it was no big thing. Sometimes three times. Is there a way that Beetle Juice can somehow sense the spelling of the name, too, although they are speaking and there is no phonetic difference?

Then I looked up this site and found that Beetle Juice can be banished if you say his name 3 times after he has shown up. So all those astronomers willy nilly saying Betelgeuse 3 times just have to say it three more times.

Since they’re wrapped up in their work, they might not even notice him when Beetle Juice first shows up. And in the meantime they’ve likely said Betelgeuse three more times.

But I’m a tad more paranoid than your average professional astronomer. As such I counted how many times I wrote Beetle Juice or Betelgeuse. Since for generally being free of mayhem, it must be in multiples of six. I write Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, to leave on a good footing.

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Gordon

Posted on 4 January 2025 by Larry Russwurm

In the realm of music, Gordie Tapp was the first Canadian Gordon who made it big. He was in the country field. Indeed, he was a regular on the country show, Hee Haw. He only had a couple hits because he was more of an entertainer, emcee, broadcaster and writer.

Gordon Lightfoot is the most famous Canadian Gordon musician. With mega hits like Sundown and If You Could Read My Mind, Lightfoot was known world wide and had a huge fan base. Was he folk, country, or rock? No one could really tell but he didn’t need to say, he was just a singer/songwriter that wheedled his way into the hearts and minds of many people.

Gord Deppe is the main songwriter and singer/guitarist for the Canadian rock band The Spoons. They had the hits Nova Heart, Romantic Traffic and Those Old Emotions. He’s also been known to play guitar for Flock of Seagulls.

Gord Downie was the lead singer and lyricist for the Canadian rock band The Tragically Hip. He led the band through most of their existence and even put out some of his own solo work. He died tragically in 2017 of terminal brain cancer.

Probably all you non Canadians figure that there must be a lot of Canadian Gordons since so many are successful musicians. But that’s just not true. I’ve lived my whole 57 years in Canada and have just personally known 1 Gordon. He was a teacher of mine.

So this famous Canadian musician thing that the Gordons have is a statistical anomaly.

In the very early nineties, the Canadian rock band the Bare Naked Ladies seemed to be doing everything right. Their shock name got the attention of nearly everyone, they had two lead singers and had an album’s worth of songs including 4 or 5 that were ear worms. All they needed was a good album title and perhaps they could guarantee success.

They decided to play it conservatively and went with the name Gordon, simply based on how popular Canadians named Gordon seemed to be in pop. They contrived themselves into a successful release and the rest is history for the band.

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Best Posts of 2024

Posted on 29 December 2024 by Larry Russwurm

It is boxing week, again, where I try to highlight some of my best posts of the last year.

At the start of this year I trot out one of my pet peeves. In Summiting Everest, you can easily tell that these people, who were once heroes in my mind, now occupy a much lower spot in my current estimation.

In Manufactured Battle of the Bands, I suggest that Dire Straits and the Who seem poles apart in certain regards.

In Simple Rock vs. Prog Rock, I refute one of Gene Simmons asinine suggestions. He suggested that it’s harder to come up with his simple songs than the more complex prog rock.

Selective Breeding gives step by step instructions that could lead to a superhuman,

Guitar Slinging looks at how rock artists sling their guitars and basses. So which style are you? Slung low or slung high?

Then finally in November 2024 Grab Bag o’ Humour, we look at geographical swearing, a newish name for the Donald, and the largest democracy.

Wishing you and yours best wishes for the coming year.

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Squeamish About Bitcoin

Posted on 15 December 2024 by Larry Russwurm

First of all, Bitcoin is a non fungible token or NFT. Doesn’t that sound kind of icky to you? It does to me.

But we can forgive Bitcoin for that. Especially if the NFT keeps rising in value. Which it has done since Donald Trump has gotten elected.

For whatever reason, Donald Trump has chosen to support Bitcoin. This puts the president elect in a weird position. You see El Salvador made Bitcoin the official currency in 2021. By supporting this NFT, Donald Trump is in essence being made into a lackey of El Salvador.

I don’t like Bitcoin. Not because I believe that governments should have power over their currencies. But because Bitcoin is extremely expensive environmentally.

Bitcoin uses an excessive amount of electricity to work. At present day usage, which isn’t that much compared to how it could be used, it is already using as much electricity as the whole country of Greece. Imagine how much electricity it would use if it were used regularly by all Americans. Bitcoin is a bad deal for the environment. Other NFTs are working on this problem by possibly working differently. But it still isn’t ironed out. And Bitcoin has shown no indication of reforming.

Maybe it’s because of this shortcoming that Satoshi Nakamoto lies low. He is the inventor of Bitcoin. Or the supposed inventor of Bitcoin. No one knows if he is really a person or a group that started Bitcoin. There is enough Bitcoin under that name that he would be a billionaire if he revealed himself. But all that Bitcoin under the name hasn’t changed hands in many years.

Is Satoshi Nakamoto embarrassed by his creation? Is it the electricity usage? Or is he fearing retaliation by those invested in country currencies? No one knows. But the way he lies low may mean that Bitcoin is a bad investment.

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Performance Enhancing AI

Posted on 7 December 2024 by Larry Russwurm

In my opinion, performance enhancing AI is exactly like performance enhancing drugs in sports. Performance enhancing AI should be banned in the fine arts when it comes to prizing.

Why? Because the jobs that pay in the fine arts are coveted by their law abiding practitioners. When dull, boring jobs are eliminated, usually no one bats an eye or cries. But when artists, writers and performers etc. are replaced, the many who have worked their lives to get to these positions, will be sad and distraught. These coveted jobs should not be taken by machines. Even if the machines are helped by humans and thus have some human content. And it’s unfair for a human to take credit for a machine’s work even if the human did part of the work.

I know the horse is out of the stable already and how can we retroactively enforce adherence to whatever laws we make? We can try, just as they did in sports, to catch the cheaters. I believe we can do a half decent job. Sure there are examples in sport of cheaters winning here and there. Well we can catch them eventually and enforce rules much after the fact.

I am not necessarily saying goodbye to all works with performance enhancing AI. I’m just saying take them out of all awards and have all works honestly listing any and all AI used in its creation. I think we like to support artists. Not the intellectual abilities of machines and artists. Not the intellectual abilities of machines. Give consumers the opportunity to choose what they support. I believe most will eventually support the pure artists. Especially when AI is coming after their own coveted jobs.

Right now AI is being considered for making book covers. Artists are expensive and indie book writers are trying to keep costs down.

Right now starving artists are tempted to write their grant applications, a prospectus for an art show or just a brief biography of themselves with AI. Proper editing is expensive.

To both of these I say don’t do it. AI is currently angling for both positions. Notice how work for both fine arts is disappearing if you do this.

Even such a “minor” use of AI should have to be acknowledged up front and can be reason enough to ban you from awards.

AI will eventually be coming for all the other jobs, too. Yes, science, even research and theorizing can be done by AI in my belief. Computer Science is part of that. No coveted job is safe with AI. I say, legislate things so coveted jobs are still mostly done by humans.

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Consonants Need Vowels?

Posted on 30 November 2024 by Larry Russwurm

I remember being told that consonants need vowels by one of my elementary school teachers. I remember repeating this to my oldest sister, Lynda, after she had a kid or two.

Lynda said no you don’t need a vowel sound to make a consonant sound. You can just say Boo [as in book] or Foo [as in foot], for the B and F sounds. Notice that I had to use vowels to illustrate my point. But I never caught on to that at the time.

So I remember pre talking with her babies and using what I thought were just consonant sounds to get them to the point where they could almost speak. A couple months later they were speaking.

The short oo sound is the “invisible” vowel in English. It is the u in pull and bull. And the vowel that is between the T and L in cattle and bottle. It may seem invisible at first, but it is definitely there. I don’t blame my sister or me for not realizing it was a vowel, because shows like Electric Company would use this “invisible” vowel to sound out words.

For instance they would say Boo A Doo when sounding out the word Bad. Then they would say the three letter names closer and closer together until magically the oo sound disappeared and they said Bad.

When I realized this, I thought for years that what I was originally told was correct. Consonants need vowels.

That is until I saw mmmm written out one day and I forced myself to think about this. So it became consonants need vowels except m.

Then I thought of a few more. Ssss doesn’t need a vowel. Neither does zzzz. There are also Shhhh and Zhhhh. (If you’re wondering what sound zh is, it’s the g in mirage, the s in leisure. In school I was taught that it was the soft g sound.)

Anyhow, that’s five exceptions to the consonants need vowels rule. Do you have any more?

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The Roaring Lion

Posted on 23 November 2024 by Larry Russwurm

If you heard the name of the famous photograph, The Roaring Lion, and asked to see it, I’m sure you would be confused. Firstly there is no image of an actual lion in this photograph. Instead you would see a rather dour looking Winston Churchill. Hardly a lion and at 67 years old, not nearly as strong or powerful as an actual lion.

As for the roaring? Churchill isn’t even opening his mouth, let alone roaring at the photographer. Maybe he’s humming but that’s about the only sound he could make when this picture was snapped.

But in symbolism, Great Britain has long been represented by a rampant lion, particularly Scotland. This is supposed to go back to ancient times. How a lion came to represent a nation without any lions at all, is truly one of life’s big wonders. Perhaps a better symbol of Britain could be a zookeeper. They are the people that not only brought the lion to the north, but take care of it as well.

Anyhow, if Britain is a lion, then in World War II, Churchill could have been said to be its voice. So perhaps that is the explanation of the name of this portrait.

But here is the real reason for the name of the portrait. The photographer, Karsh, asked Churchill to put his cigar in an ashtray since the smoke would interfere with the photo. Churchill refused so Karsh grabbed the cigar from Churchill while asking for forgiveness. Only then did Karsh take the photos, including the famous one where Churchill is having a nicotine fit.

After the session, Winston Churchill said, “You can even make a roaring lion stand still to be photographed.” And that is the official reason for the name of the picture.

It’s interesting that this photograph, which was hung in the Fairmont Chateau Laurier in Ottawa (which is signed by Karsh) is worth millions. It was stolen from its place last year and sold for only about $10 000. It is my belief that the negative is worth the most because more photos could be made from it. Library and Archives Canada holds that and is keeping the price of prints up by promising not to make any more photographs off the negative.

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