Attracted by Name

Posted on 4 October 2025 by Larry Russwurm

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. People are attracted to professions by their own name. That’s why there are a disproportionate amount of dentists named Dennis, lawyers named Lawrence and judges named Judy.

But I believe it goes even further than this. Your own name attracts you to other things, not just professions,

My favourite author is Larry Niven. His science fiction is riddled with many interesting and mind bending ideas for the future. Heretofore, I believed my liking his stories was an unbiased thing, based totally on merit. Now, I see that I am just a ball of conceit, picking someone with my own name to be my favourite writer.

Anyone who knows me well, knows that my favourite musical artist is Yes. Of course I love the song Roundabout which is their biggest song. But the second song I liked by them was Starship Trooper. Starship Trooper is divided into three sections. i) Lifeseeker, ii) Disillusion and iii) Wurm. Notice that Wurm is spelled like the last half of my surname. I guess I’m still a ball of conceit.

I could have picked Larry Gowan as my favourite musical act. But he only had 3 or 4 songs that were played regularly on the radio. However, when I first got into residence back in the late eighties, someone said I looked like Gowan. Then they asked me my name and I of course said Larry. So I got the nick name of Gowan.

Later, for one of those 3 or 4 songs on the radio, he teamed up with Jon Anderson of Yes for the song Moonlight Desires. So even here, we’re back to Yes.

Now I’m just wondering how I can get the Russ part of my last name involved. But I don’t know any celebrities named Russ.

Maybe I can say that the show Friends is my favourite sitcom because it features a character named Ross. But really its only about my 5th favourite sitcom.

Maybe I can say that my favourite place to live is the Rustbelt. Kitchener, Hamilton and Toronto used to be the three corners of the Golden Triangle which was where half the manufacturing in Canada was done. Yes it rusted for a few years but Toronto survived by being the centre of Canada and surpassed Montreal for being the largest city in Canada. Kitchener used its technology assets to become viable again. I’m not sure of the situation in Hamilton, but I don’t really think Ontario considers itself to be a Rustbelt area anymore.

Maybe I’m being persnickety by not accepting the spellings of Rust and Ross as an adequate substitute for Russ.

Maybe I’ll find a Russ someday and become that perfect ball of conceit that, it seems, I always wanted to become.

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Poop!

Posted on 20 September 2025 by Larry Russwurm

Don’t be surprised if aliens think we want poop.

We take our dogs for a walk just so they can poop in front of us. Then, carefully, we pick it up until we can dispose of it. Then we call dogs “Man’s best friend”. That makes it sound like we’re just angling for more poop.

Then we also take care of poop of other animals. Cats we dutifully change the kitty litter for. Farm animals are cleaned up after by farmers (in the barn that is). Then it is collected and aged and put on the fields. All to allegedly grow more food!

But it is our babies that will make aliens think we want poop. We carefully change them and dispose of the poop. Then we talk about how parenthood has changed us. That we feel such love for our children and have a bond that is oh so strong.

But we stop talking about about such things when our kids are old enough to talk and start to say no to a lot of things we think we are doing for their own good. They may be old enough to talk but that is also about the age they can go potty on their own.

So we reminisce about the good old days when they were a baby. And couldn’t go to the potty on their own.

The common denominator is obvious. We bond with creatures when we can dispose of their poop.

Don’t be surprised when an alien has a dookie right in front of us.

We will get angry and ask it why it did this. They will explain themselves much as I’ve explained it above. “We just want to be loved, as you love other creatures. Now dispose of it!”

Then the humans will explain that we only dispose of the poop of those other creatures because they are imbeciles. Which is a good way of getting that same alien to fling its poop in your face.

“There! I’m an imbecile. Now love me!”

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Elon Musk and His Time Machine

Posted on 13 September 2025 by Larry Russwurm

Elon Musk likes to be in the middle of the latest technology. That’s why he’s involved with Tesla, Space X and Neuralink. But the one he will never tell us about is time travel.

He heard about a time travel startup through his usual channels and sought to buy it and keep it on the down low. He got what he wanted so perhaps now Elon will go to the future and steal their technology for us. Fat chance. Despite his high tech mantra, he is more concerned with the past.

You see, Elon is concerned with babies. He seemingly wants to have as many as possible in his short time here on this earth. That’s why he goes into the past.

Unfortunately for him, his time machine can only go back in time so far. Roughly to the time that vaccines first started to much hoopla. He can bribe all those maidens of the past with gifts the future allows him to give. He may prefer the more recent ladies where all he has to do is write down some lottery winners.

He’ll buy the tickets and say, “If this wins, promise me that you will have my baby and raise it by yourself. Or with the help of your husband.”

Don’t get me wrong. He likes the women of other times as well so he will woo the women of the 50s, 60s, 70s and so on. All for his favourite prize – to have more babies.

It boggles the mind how, in our high tech era, we still don’t seem to have an accurate handle on how autism passes down from generation to generation.

And thus, Elon is stymied. He’s not sure how many times he can make babies in the past to bring the autism rate to its modern level. Oh well. He enjoys the process.

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Money is Time

Posted on 6 September 2025 by Larry Russwurm

The idea that money is time was not lost in science fiction. More than once I’ve seen monetary units be credits or person hours. This simple relationship is a sort of skewering of modern capitalist systems. And somehow it feels more fair.

But what if, in our present day capitalist society, money really did equate with time? All those people simply living paycheque to paycheque would soon die off when something slipped. Because you don’t have any extra money, you wouldn’t have extra time. Where the money comes from for a proper burial is a problem for such a money is time society.

Those of you who have managed to squirrel something away for retirement would live an average length of a life. The more you squirrel away, the longer you live.

If you are an entrepreneur I see three tracks. You lose all of it and thus burn out your life early. Or you do as well as the average and have a nice life. Or you do well above average and live a super long life.

Many would want to be an entrepreneur because of the potential payoff. The burning out early is not so good, but the other two possibilities are nice. Live an average lifespan but be your own boss. Or live a huge lifespan.

I hope Elon Musk isn’t in this society with his current ridiculous amount of wealth. If he lived a super long life, he would just have more and more babies. Children should be a large drain on wealth as they are in our present society. Who is going to pick up after them and send them to school? The parents should have to foot the bill.

Because of his many, many, many, children Elon Musk would not be the most long lived. Someone with no children or other obligations and is a successful entrepreneur would almost be able to live indefinitely. Given copyright law where the copyright exists past the creator’s life, this might be able to keep someone alive forever. That would give credence to saying a work is timeless.

For society to function, though, these people living forever still would have to follow the rules. Thus we would have jail or hard time which could even be thought of as negative time. It would take time off your life. And you wouldn’t be allowed to make money while you are incarcerated.

Wouldn’t things be so much easier if all we had to worry about was money to live a long life? But instead we have to worry about things that can kill us, depression, disease, pandemics, stress, etc.

In today’s world, with all his money and even with some possible expensive life lengtheners, Elon Musk will not outlive the rest of us. I bet he won’t even make it to one hundred. But we shall see. Money doesn’t equate to time just yet.

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U-Turn on U-Turns

Posted on 30 August 2025 by Larry Russwurm

When I was young I seem to remember the law being different on U-turns. About 40 or 50 years ago I think it was illegal to do a U-turn. This pretty much was the law everywhere in southwestern Ontario. Except there were a few sign marked places where you could legally make a U-turn.

Now it’s many years later and I think somewhere in that time, the government has made a U-turn on U-turns. I think they gave up on enforcing no U-turns everywhere. Everyone seems to do it and it’s just impossible seeming to enforce it.

However, enforcing no U-turns seems important on certain stretches of road. Like King St between downtown Kitchener and Uptown Waterloo. Now that there is Light Rail Transit in the middle of this street, any U-turners are very likely to be hit by the LRT vehicle. It’s happened at least once that I’ve seen on the news.

So now there are no U-turn signs all along this stretch of King Street. This is a small enough stretch of road that the police can enforce it. Also, the LRT can enforce this rule simply enough by smashing up your vehicle. Remember you were warned by a sign so it’ll be your fault if your car winds up smashed.

And now I wonder why they are called U-turns in the first place. I think that when you begin to do a U-turn is when it should be envisioned. But at the start of a U-turn, it’s not a U but a small n that let’s you envision what you are going to do. You begin at the bottom right end of the n and follow that line as it circles back to where you have been.

To actually make a U-turn, you would have to stop your car in your lane. Then you would have to go backwards, starting at the top right of the U and tracing the letter the whole way. You would be going backwards the whole way. Dangerously, I might add. Then when you got to the top left of the U, you would stop and then drive forwards. It works but it is dangerous.

That is why I vote for changing the name of the U-turn to the n-turn. But everyone older will never use that term and it will be 70 years before the changeover is complete. All while there will be much grumbling.

I might have to take an n-turn on my position.

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2 Strategies for Multiple Lead Singers

Posted on 9 August 2025 by Larry Russwurm

From what I’ve heard there are a couple of strategies when having multiple lead singers in a band. The first strategy is to have obvious differences between the lead singers so one can easily tell the voices apart. This Strategy was done with Supertramp whose Roger Hodgson had a high distinct voice whereas Rick Davies’ low voice obviously contrasted.

It was also done with Styx. Dennis DeYoung’s voice was more theatrical as he almost acted out his different characters. Tommy Shaw took a more normal approach. Shaw lit up more when it came to background singing as the combined backing vocals of this band were quite distinct.

Also good at this strategy was Fleetwood Mac. Christine McVie’s singing was the most normal of the three singers of this band. Stevie Nicks, with a second female voice, was very distinct with the heavy vibrato on her voice. She had so much vibrato that she sounded like a sheep. There was no mixing up these two women. And Lindsey Buckingham had a definitely male voice that also contrasted with the other two.

The second strategy for having multiple singers in a band is to have them sound the same. I was surprised to find out that Triumph had two lead singers. Rik Emmett, the guitarist and Gil Moore, the drummer could quite possibly have learned to sing from each other.

I didn’t know Saga had two lead singers till I recently saw the video for Scratching the Surface. Both singers are strikingly the same as if they had learned to sing at the same singing school.

I was also shocked to find that Ann and Nancy Wilson can sound much the same as they do in the video for These Dreams. But these two are sisters and have similar genes so perhaps it’s not that surprising.

Wait just one moment! All the similar singing bands I listed are from Canada. Heart maybe less so but they were considered to be Canadian enough to be up for Juno awards one year.

What is it about Canada that makes bands want to conform? Are they worried about being called out for being a hoser?

Or maybe these bands are rebelling against another Canadian band like Rush and their singer Geddy Lee. Geddy Lee has such a distinct voice that no one else seems intent on mimicking. He sounds like what the wicked witch of the west should sound like. Excepting the green colour, he almost looked like the wicked witch of the west, too. Is Geddy Lee unhappy that they won’t accept men in the part of the wicked witch of the west in movies and on Broadway?

Anyhow, no Canadian singers want to miss their calling like Geddy Lee and, thus, they try to conform.

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Bird Wings Good; Bat Wings Bad

Posted on 26 July 2025 by Larry Russwurm

Have you ever noticed that good religious creatures, like angels, have what can only be described as bird wings? Meanwhile, evil religious creatures, such as demons, have wings that are blatantly like that of a bat.

The only bad thing I can think of for a bat is that they can give rabies to humans whereas birds can’t. The reason they are so susceptible to rabies is because they are closer to humans than birds are. They are mammals, just like us. Whereas birds are part of the bird family of vertebrates. Birds are descended from the dinosaurs and have their own diseases to worry about.

Mammals survived the apocalypse that wiped out the dinosaurs (except birds) and basically took over almost all the niches that dinosaurs were in. Dinosaurs were tall so mammals became giraffes. Dinosaurs were big so mammals became the blue whale, the biggest creature that has ever lived. Dinosaurs could fly so bats took to the sky.

Bats nurse their young, thus proving they are a caring species of mammal.

Another thing which seemingly makes them bad is that they come out at night. But this is really more of a testament about how birds are evil in daylight. Bats don’t brave the day because they are likely to be dinner for some bird with 100 million years more of flying experience. And those daytime birds can be big with nasty talons and sharp beaks.

As a fellow mammal, we should be proud of our bat cousins. They can fly in the dark because they use sonar. They have good vocalizations that their good ears can pick up and that their good brains can use to figure out what the terrain is – even in the dark.

Still think birds are superior in the good/evil department? Then why is it a murder of crows, a conspiracy of ravens, a plague of grackles and a squabble of seagulls?

Actually a squabble isn’t that bad. So suddenly I see the truth. Bad is associated with black birds and bats because they are black.

This dark/ light thing of good and evil has got to go. Termites are white so they must be good. Maggots are white so they must be good. Polar bears are white so they must be good. It’s just not true. Black labs, black horses and even black cats can be very good.

Maybe I’ll retreat into fantasy which has some stories of good dragons who incidentally have giant black bat wings. It’s more realistic than the angel/ demon characterizations of religion.

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July 2025 Grab Bag o’ Humour

Posted on 19 July 2025 by Larry Russwurm

A couple was spooning at a Coldplay concert where a kiss cam caught them. Then realizing they were on camera, the couple pulled apart where the woman hid her face in her hands and then turned away while the man ducked down. All while Chris Martin said to the crowd, “Either they’re having an affair or they’re just very shy.”

It was found that the man was the CEO of Astronomer and the woman was the HR chief. The CEO is married (to someone else!) and since has been placed on leave by the board of directors. So I guess this makes him the vict-him. It doesn’t say what is happening to the HR chief so maybe she is keeping her job and this would make her the vict-her. Or maybe the CEO’s wife will leave him, making her the vict-her.

*

The small city of St. Thomas, Ontario has a statue of Jumbo the Elephant that is the largest tourist attraction there. The world famous Jumbo, in the 19th century, was hit by a train in St. Thomas and died, receiving international attention at the time.

Now there is a museum exhibit in St. Thomas, telling of the event and Jumbo’s world wide fame at the time. One of the prize exhibits is a cross section slice of one of Jumbo’s tusks.

I was fine with the statue. It just signified the event of Jumbo’s passing. But a museum exhibit takes in some money and that does rankle. They are profiting from being the most incompetent city in Ontario. Why was an unscheduled train on the tracks just when Jumbo was on them?

Perhaps St. Thomas has come up with a new money making scam. Taylor Swift, I suggest you don’t perform there. Who knows what kind of “accident” could happen during such an occasion. If you happen to die there, expect a museum and statue. But with none of the money collected going to your estate.

*

Just recently I saw an ad for The Open. “Which open was that?” I wondered. I think it was golf because I saw golfers. But it could have been the French Open or Australian Open of tennis. They might just be advertising that they have good golfing in their area as well as tennis.

But it’s much more likely that The Open is golf. Since the advertisement was in Canada, shouldn’t it be the Canadian Open? But I think I heard that the Canadian Open was last month.

So could it be the U.S. Open which is the most populous of the golf adept nations? Or maybe it was an ad for the British Open? Didn’t the isle of Great Britain invent the sport in the first place? So that might make them the most pre-eminent golfing nation and excuse them while they just call it The Open.

I don’t know. After all this pondering on the question I think I know as little now as when I first saw the ad. But if they’re a little bit vague about what they’re advertising, I can be a little vague about watching this tournament. If they just can’t come up with a name, how about the “I’m Keeping My Options” Open.

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Elmira, Sartins, and Hockey

Posted on 5 July 2025 by Larry Russwurm

Elmira, Ontario is a growing town of over 10 000 people north of Kitchener- Waterloo. It’s mainly a farming community whose largest crop is that of Martins. Martins make up almost a full half of the Elmira area’s residents.

They are so numerous that I have heard of Martins marrying Martins. As well, I was furious When the politician named Paul Martin didn’t use his middle name. He still went on to become prime minister despite the fact in high school in my grade in Elmira, there were two Paul Martins.

Despite being representative of almost half of Elmiranites, Martins do not lord it over the general populace. Elmira is in Canada and no Martin has made it to the National Hockey League, unlike Rod Seiling, Darryl Sittler and Dan Snyder. Martins have to hang their heads around the Seilings, Sittlers and Snyders. There was even a brief flirtation with changing the Martin surname to Sartin. But then Dennis Wideman also made it to the NHL. You didn’t have to have a surname beginning with S to make it to the NHL when you are from the Elmira area.

So what was the problem with the Martins? We might never know. But at long last Brady Martin, from the Elmira area was drafted 5th overall by the Nashville Predators. He still hasn’t played any NHL games. But this time, the Martins do have a good chance of having an NHL calibre player.

Now the Martins of Elmira will be able to hold their heads high. They might even think they have professional hockey in their blood. I just wouldn’t be too proud around the Sittlers.

Despite the advent of Gretzky, Lemieux, Crosby and McDavid, Darryl Sittler still has the most points in one game with 10. It’s not even close. Just a couple other players with 8 points in a game. It appears Sittler has a record that will last many more years.

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Early Summer Grab Bag o’ Humour

Posted on 21 June 2025 by Larry Russwurm

Let’s not kid ourselves, the Grade 6 lobby is very powerful. What has it done to display its power? Well a few years ago it flexed its muscles and got Pluto demoted as a planet. Why? To make it easier to memorize the planets.

Of course this screwed up that mnemonic I learned years ago to remember the planets in proper order from the sun. It used to be: Man very early made jars stand up nearly perfectly. Where the first letter of the word is the first letter of the planet. E.g. jars is the fifth word and Jupiter is the fifth planet from the sun. In place of this mnemonic, I submit : Man very early made jars stand up neatly.

I just worry that Mercury is next to be jettisoned as a planet. It is the smallest and might become known as just a near sun asteroid. But mostly it will be easier to memorize seven planets instead of eight.

*

Should the word ass be jettisoned from the other swear words? First of all its just a name for a certain domesticated animal. So it’s not that bad. Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, it is only a three letter word and not a four letter word.

Similarly the word bitch is also not that bad and might be removed from the list of swear words. A bitch is just a female dog, after all. Like ass it can be said in polite society when this definition is obvious. But even more obvious, is that it is a five letter word and thus needs to be thrown out as a bad word.

*

It annoys me on the Snow Patrol video of Chasing Cars, that the recently added lyrics are not what is being sung. Clearly the singer is going “If I lay here, If I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world.”

But those new printed lyrics at the bottom of the screen, that most YouTube videos have added in the last couple years, replace all the lays with lies. They claim it is “If I lie here, If I just lie here, Would you lie with me and just forget the world.” Has this all been done with artificial intelligence? Does AI think it knows grammar better than the song writer?

If AI thinks it has a better grasp of grammar, then by all means go back to the 1980 song Another Brick in the Wall part 2 by Pink Floyd and correct the grammar. Remember “We don’t need any education.”

Or how about that ‘70s song You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet, by BTO. Ain’t ain’t isn’t in this song. It’s haven’t . And that shouldn’t be nothing. It should be anything. Try correcting it with You Haven’t Seen Anything Yet. Good luck having us sing it to the correct timing of the song. I think most humans will default to the original.

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