Fight, Flight or Freeze

Posted on 22 March 2025 by Larry Russwurm

It may have been Jewel’s song, Standing Still, where I first had an inkling that a fight or flight response might be too simplistic. Here’s her relevant lyrics, “Between fight and flight is the blind man’s sight and a choice that’s right.”

What does she suggest is the blind man’s choice? Why the title of the song is Standing Still. Now I couldn’t come up with a third rhyming word to keep the fight or flight response as cute as could be. However I did keep the word starting with an F and one syllable. I say that it is a fight, flight or freeze response to dangerous stimuli.

Of course a blind man shouldn’t fight, because he is likely to lose. And he shouldn’t run because he is likely to trip, run into a tree or run off a cliff. So freezing is right for the blind man. How can that be right for the rest of us?

Fight or flight is more like an army’s response to things or possibly even the police’s response to things. So what job would be better suited by freezing? Why a reporter or a security guard where the most important things are to observe and report.

Also, I’m not talking normal freezing. Like fight or flight I mean doing it with adrenaline. That means that things seem to slow down, the memory seems to work better and in general you are just a better observer of the situation.

How would we evolve to have adrenaline help us better in observing while freezing?

Say a big creature kills one of your small group while going somewhere. The freezer could come back to the village cave and draw a picture of the creature that did it on the wall. Or if it is a locally known and thus named species, the freezer could just say its name and how all the events unfolded.

Also freeze is good for baby creatures. When the mom or parent is killed, it is not smart for the little ones to attack the bigger killer. They might not be fast enough to outrun the killer. If the killer leaves them alone, the freezer will grow up to have a better handle on danger.

So its not just fight or flight. It is fight, flight, or freeze. In this case, it is a rock star that made it obvious to many.

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An America Sandwich Grab Bag o’ Humour

Posted on 15 March 2025 by Larry Russwurm

Since Trump has decided the Gulf of Mexico should be renamed the Gulf of America, perhaps he should look to other areas that America has been slighted in, such as the animal kingdom.

Canada geese spend half their time down south, in places that don’t freeze over. So, to be consistent, Trump should call these America geese.

Some Americans might object to the name change. I’ve heard that some Americans don’t like how the geese poop everywhere and generally make a nuisance of themselves. That’s exactly how Canadians view Americans as doing. So make the change, Donald.

*

So what happens to werewolves during a lunar eclipse? Lunar eclipses always happen on a full moon. Do werewolves suddenly switch back to human at this time?

Well clouds occult the full moon all the time. There seems to be no difference in werewolf behaviour because of this.

However, the lunar eclipse also turns the moon blood red. Surely no good can follow such a colour change. Maybe werewolves become more bloodthirsty during such an event and kill for no reason at all.

*

I think Americans are smug that they wholly contain one of the great lakes and own half of the rest of them, But they don’t wholly own one great lake.

Lake Michigan just seems to be owned by the Americans. But the professionals will tell you otherwise. That’s not a river connecting Lake Michigan to Lake Huron. That’s a channel. There is no change in elevation. So Lake Michigan is at the same level and is the same lake as Lake Huron. Lake Huron is bigger so the combined lake would be called Lake Huron.

This combined lake is bigger in surface area than Lake Superior. So it is the largest fresh water lake in the world. Which would make the name, Lake Superior, incorrect. I smell naming rights for that lake.

Trump may try to have the lake named after him. But, to be frank, Lake Trump sounds stupid. Also the lake would have been downgraded from Superior to Trump. Trump couldn’t be associated with such a loser.

So let’s call it Lake Gitche Gumee just like in the Gordon Lightfoot song, The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald. This is the Ojibwa name for the lake.

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Betting on the Oscars

Posted on 8 March 2025 by Larry Russwurm

The Oscar awards need more stats. Enough so the big gambling companies can make a huge amount of money off of the proceedings. In each category, I would like to see how the approximately 10 000 votes went, exactly. Then I could try placing a bet for Demi Moore winning best actress by a 1 000 votes or some such number.

Or you could bet on whether nominees win, place or show in their categories. You could even have an exactor or a triactor, like in horse racing. Of course it wouldn’t pay off as much because there are fewer nominees than horses in a horse race.

I’ve also heard there are ad campaigns for certain nominees to win. This should be made public for the purpose of gambling as well. Then gamblers could say well nominee A hardly campaigned at all whereas nominee B spent a small fortune on advertising. This information may be crucial for their wagering.

Then of course the best picture voting is done differently. It is actually a ranked ballot. That is where you rank the nominees from 1 to 10 from your favourite to your least favourite. First, the least favourite nominee is knocked out of the voting. Then the second least favourite is knocked out. All until one picture has 50% of the vote and is declared the winner.

You could use exactor and triactor betting on this. But, importantly, it would be a way to improve ranked ballot knowledge which is often used in politics. Like the Liberal Party of Canada is using in its vote for a leader to replace Justin Trudeau.

For better breakdowns of the voting, I think it is best for each voter to identify themselves in a category, for which they are most known for. Like actor, director, editor, producer, etc. Then we could break down each win further. Thus we could have the favourite actor’s actor, the favourite director’s actor, or the favourite producer’s editor. You would be able to bet in all categories.

Price Waterhouse Cooper have tabulated the results for many years, with only two people knowing the final result before the announcement. That system would have to change. Can’t Oscar use automated vote tabulators? If it’s good enough for politicians, then it should be good enough for the academy. Then we could do this more complicated numbers system that I would like to see at the Oscars.

Then betting advertisements would dominate the ads on the Oscars show. And perhaps more viewers would be enticed because they, personally, would have something to win or lose in the show. With all that betting and the stars, perhaps Oscars ratings wouldn’t slip any further.

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Hockey Sandwich – Grab Bag o’ Humour

Posted on 1 March 2025 by Larry Russwurm

Let’s go back to the Four Nations Cup. In the first game with Canada against the US, the Americans started 3 fights in the first 10 seconds. This surprising turn of events, eventually led to the Americans defeating Canada in that match.

But the Americans were overconfident. They did not start the second match with 3 fights in the first ten seconds. This lack of emotion in the second Canada/US match up and series crowning game put the US at a disadvantage.

Not only that, but the Canadians could now see that the Americans were quitters. They had started with a strategy that they had not followed up on. And that is why Canada won the series.

*

If I had a time machine, I know exactly which event in history I would like to erase. Hopefully this travesty would never be thought of again,

I would kill the person who first came up with silent letters in writing.

The problem is, whoever did such a dastardly deed, hid their tracks well and there is no way of knowing when exactly they started.

But I would start with Ptolemy’s parents. I would butter them up. Where did you come up with the idea of an extra letter in his name? I would ask. From there I would trace it back to its very beginning. I might have to kill the originator. Possibly that would be Ptolemy’s parents. Either way, I won’t be forced to write Ptolemy again.

*

Canadians love to lament that the NHL is not giving Canada enough hockey teams. Quebec City and Hamilton both really, really want a team. But the NHL is standing firm.

Well I have a surefire way of getting Canada a hockey team. The only problem with it, is that it will take a few years for the plan to come to fruition.

The plan has worked twice before. It is simply to give the city of Atlanta a hockey team.

Yes it has worked twice before. After the Atlanta Flames went belly up, they became the Calgary Flames. After the Atlanta Thrashers went belly up, they became the Winnipeg Jets. It can be done and has been done. It has directly resulted in a Canadian NHL team 100% of the time.

The only thing that might foil this plan is that the people of Atlanta might decide they like hockey.

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Reverse Stomach Growling

Posted on 15 February 2025 by Larry Russwurm

There is an ad on television, to promote school meal programs, that relies on the stomach growling of young kids to illustrate that they are hungry. I am all for meal programs for these hungry kids, it’s just that I don’t think that stomach growling is a universal sign of hunger.

You see, I am a reverse stomach growler. That’s right, my stomach is most likely to growl after I have already eaten. It’s not even a close thing. At least 90% of the time, my stomach growls when I am full. This even makes sense. My stomach growls when it has something to work on. I don’t know how the rest of you can have stomach growls when you have nothing in there to make the sounds.

I’m just saying if adults relied on stomach growls to tell if a child is hungry, they might run into a bit of trouble.

When I was younger, for instance, if a teacher had discovered my stomach growling, they might put me into a meal program, even though I was already fed. Then they would notice that my 6 brothers and sisters didn’t have stomach growling symptoms.

The principal would be called in and they would conclude that my family was deliberately excluding me from food but not my brothers and sisters. Such a sick home environment would not only result in me being taken away from my family but the rest of my siblings might be taken away as well.

Then I would be forced into the meal program despite my protestations that I’m full. “Look, Larry, I can hear your stomach growling. We know what’s best for you.”

So I would eat an extra meal that later would result in my stomach growling so they would feed me some more. Soon I would be a very overweight young kid.

Some might wonder why I was still in a meals program despite being very overweight. But then my stomach would growl and they would all say “Of course. This must just be his natural weight when he is fed enough.” That stomach growl could be used as justification for all the bad things that came about.

Not all stomach growls mean hunger pangs. I’m tired of being thought of as weird.

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Human Nip

Posted on 1 February 2025 by Larry Russwurm

Catnip is a drug for cats. If you give it to them, they will eat it and roll in it, etc. How can cats afford to be paled out on catnip when many creatures are bigger than them and could easily prey on them when they are acting this way? Cats can simply snap out of the catnip “high” at any time if they are in danger.

In the words of Huey Lewis and the News, “I want a new drug, one that won’t make me sick, one that won’t make me crash my car…” The song goes on and on about the bad effects of drugs on humans, that he wishes weren’t there.

A catnip for humans might fill the bill. Or a human nip, as it were. I realize Huey’s solution is love but we’re going to consider Human Nip in its stead.

Let’s say it’s last call at the human nip bar. They’ll whisper it from table to table. You say Heck ya, I want to be more high on this stuff. So you get some more and spend the next hour after last call under the deepest spells of human nip. When they finally want you out of there for good, they bang a big gong and this shocks all the customers into sobriety. An orderly exit of the establishment follows.

Let’s say you’re a contrarian; you want to human nip and drive. You can make an attempt at this experience but the shock of starting the engine and realizing no one is going to stop you, shocks you into rejecting the effects of the human nip. You quite literally can’t human nip and drive.

Like any drug, it is possible you may O.D. on human nip. So you ingest as much as you can if you’re feeling too depressed. But the shock of having so much, shocks you into being sober. You suddenly realize that you might not be able to O.D. on this, that the adrenaline when you get shocked might negate all the powers of the human nip.

Remember all those times on other drugs when you started to act so stupid and just couldn’t help yourself? A good slap in the face could easily send you into sobriety. As a result, since you want to keep your high, you deliberately avoid doing really stupid things.

So there you have it. It might not be love, but a human nip could be almost as socially benign as love. I think many biologists could work toward this. After all, with AI expected to take all of our jobs in the next century, we’re going to have to keep ourselves entertained somehow.

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Rantacular

Posted on 25 January 2025 by Larry Russwurm

The first thing I’d like to rant about is the idiocy of YouTube in placing advertisements in the middle of music videos. They’ve done this both for a Yes song and for a couple of songs by Jon Anderson and the Band Geeks.

Yes these songs are longer than the average song, all being in the ten minute range. But Yes and Jon Anderson existed long before YouTube and their penchant for long songs predated YouTube by a few decades.

Indeed YouTube allows those old songs to be played without stopping it in the middle and interjecting an unwanted ad, thus not interrupting the flow of the song.

Why must you interrupt for current songs of that length? If you must squeeze in another advertisement, do it before the song is played. Interrupting a song in its middle is bad for a video, it’s even worse for the musical part.

I can’t help but plot revenge. I would like to sneak into the home of YouTube’s CEO in the middle of the night and slap them awake from a deep sleep. Yes. This is how it feels to have a song interrupted in the middle for an advertisement.

I would also like to rant about Imagine Dragons. I should have ranted about this a couple years ago when it was current, but I could find no solace in humour then.

Firstly, they released an album called Mercury Act 1. I thought this was mildly amusing. I kind of wondered if there would only be one more Act. I wasn’t expecting or prepared for what was really up their sleeve. So I bought the CD.

A bit over a year later the second set of songs was released. Imagine my surprise at the CD store when I found that Mercury Act 2 was only released as a pair with Mercury Act 1. There was no way to buy a separate Mercury Act 2. I checked the CD store a couple more times after that to see if they would relent and put Mercury Act 2 out separately. They did not. I did not buy that double CD and cursed the label and Imagine Dragons for putting me in such a situation.

Though I didn’t buy that album, I let bygones be bygones and bought their next CD. It’s the worst Imagine Dragons CD I know. It could have been better. Concurrently they streamed another song, Children of the Sky which was better than anything on the current CD. If they had included this on the CD, I would have been pleased with it.

Almost all the Imagine Dragons CDs had a concurrent song released that was not on the CD. Why does the label and Imagine Dragons hate its CD buyers so much? I am almost at the end of my rope and am seriously thinking of stopping any more purchases of Imagine Dragons CDs. Imagine Dragons or the label put me at this brink.

Don’t be surprised if sales are quite a bit down on the next CD. They will likely blame it on the unpopularity of CDs. Perhaps they will wonder why their own popularity is down, too.

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Betelgeuse

Posted on 11 January 2025 by Larry Russwurm

As an amateur astronomer, I eventually ran into the name Betelgeuse. Only about 50 stars have proper names (rather than unique tags) and this was one of them. I tripped over this name when I first encountered it. Was it Bettell – geese? Bettell goose? I gave up and moved on.

When the movie Beetle Juice first came out, I actually made the connection. But I wasn’t sure so I also asked a professional astronomer how to pronounce it. They proved my guess was right when they said it’s Beetle Juice. Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse!

Well I was just wondering how on earth astronomers managed to stay out of Beetle Juice’s clutches, when they said Betelgeuse like it was no big thing. Sometimes three times. Is there a way that Beetle Juice can somehow sense the spelling of the name, too, although they are speaking and there is no phonetic difference?

Then I looked up this site and found that Beetle Juice can be banished if you say his name 3 times after he has shown up. So all those astronomers willy nilly saying Betelgeuse 3 times just have to say it three more times.

Since they’re wrapped up in their work, they might not even notice him when Beetle Juice first shows up. And in the meantime they’ve likely said Betelgeuse three more times.

But I’m a tad more paranoid than your average professional astronomer. As such I counted how many times I wrote Beetle Juice or Betelgeuse. Since for generally being free of mayhem, it must be in multiples of six. I write Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, to leave on a good footing.

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Gordon

Posted on 4 January 2025 by Larry Russwurm

In the realm of music, Gordie Tapp was the first Canadian Gordon who made it big. He was in the country field. Indeed, he was a regular on the country show, Hee Haw. He only had a couple hits because he was more of an entertainer, emcee, broadcaster and writer.

Gordon Lightfoot is the most famous Canadian Gordon musician. With mega hits like Sundown and If You Could Read My Mind, Lightfoot was known world wide and had a huge fan base. Was he folk, country, or rock? No one could really tell but he didn’t need to say, he was just a singer/songwriter that wheedled his way into the hearts and minds of many people.

Gord Deppe is the main songwriter and singer/guitarist for the Canadian rock band The Spoons. They had the hits Nova Heart, Romantic Traffic and Those Old Emotions. He’s also been known to play guitar for Flock of Seagulls.

Gord Downie was the lead singer and lyricist for the Canadian rock band The Tragically Hip. He led the band through most of their existence and even put out some of his own solo work. He died tragically in 2017 of terminal brain cancer.

Probably all you non Canadians figure that there must be a lot of Canadian Gordons since so many are successful musicians. But that’s just not true. I’ve lived my whole 57 years in Canada and have just personally known 1 Gordon. He was a teacher of mine.

So this famous Canadian musician thing that the Gordons have is a statistical anomaly.

In the very early nineties, the Canadian rock band the Bare Naked Ladies seemed to be doing everything right. Their shock name got the attention of nearly everyone, they had two lead singers and had an album’s worth of songs including 4 or 5 that were ear worms. All they needed was a good album title and perhaps they could guarantee success.

They decided to play it conservatively and went with the name Gordon, simply based on how popular Canadians named Gordon seemed to be in pop. They contrived themselves into a successful release and the rest is history for the band.

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Best Posts of 2024

Posted on 29 December 2024 by Larry Russwurm

It is boxing week, again, where I try to highlight some of my best posts of the last year.

At the start of this year I trot out one of my pet peeves. In Summiting Everest, you can easily tell that these people, who were once heroes in my mind, now occupy a much lower spot in my current estimation.

In Manufactured Battle of the Bands, I suggest that Dire Straits and the Who seem poles apart in certain regards.

In Simple Rock vs. Prog Rock, I refute one of Gene Simmons asinine suggestions. He suggested that it’s harder to come up with his simple songs than the more complex prog rock.

Selective Breeding gives step by step instructions that could lead to a superhuman,

Guitar Slinging looks at how rock artists sling their guitars and basses. So which style are you? Slung low or slung high?

Then finally in November 2024 Grab Bag o’ Humour, we look at geographical swearing, a newish name for the Donald, and the largest democracy.

Wishing you and yours best wishes for the coming year.

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