With the World as My Witness, I Shall Never Eat Fresh Again

In social predators it happens time and time again that there is a top or alpha predator. Usually this beast gets dibs on the prey. Drunk with prestige, they think they are the top predator and to the victor goes the spoils.

But are the rest of the predators stupid? Surely they must know that together they can capture the choicest morsels. Or maybe they are acting intelligently.

After all if the food is bad, the one that eats first might fall down first with illness before the others have eaten. Thus, it is possible that the alpha beast is just a glorified food tester. The freshest taster is nothing more than a guinea pig.

But, you say, humans are brighter than this. After all, royalty is quite well known to have food and drink testers to ensure the safety of their meals.

Just as I do in my vow not to eat fresh.

When there is a food recall, who is it that dies or gets violently sick? Why, those people who have eaten the freshest food. If they had waited a few days to eat, maybe they would have known of the recall and not gotten sick. This is exactly where my procrastination tendencies pay off. I don’t go out of my way to eat the freshest foods. The food I buy is usually eaten in order of my cravings. And rarely do my cravings go according to the freshness of my foods.

So it is only with a slight effort that I now vow never to eat fresh again. You, large world, are my official food taster. And unlike kings and queens, I don’t have to pay you a cent.

But I end now on a note of caution. Obviously food can sit too long and become dangerous on the overripe side. So I must take pains to strike a balance, oh food testers of mine.

About Larry Russwurm

Just another ranter on the Internet
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1 Response to With the World as My Witness, I Shall Never Eat Fresh Again

  1. They have some “miracle” chemicals now that can make produce appear to be fresh for up to a year.

    And the government still lets them call this “fresh” food. And Canada’s last cannery shut down so everything in a can is NOT from Canada.

    For myself, I’ll pass on the chemicals, Frozen veggies are my preferred way to go.

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