Matchmaking Top Conservatives with Jobs

The Canadian Conservative Party has been signaling the ways that they want to change Employment Insurance. They probably would like me to use the abbreviation EI because what they propose isn’t at all insurance.

They want the unemployed to relocate at essentially their whim and to shift the type of job that the unemployed person will have to take. In short, they are only listening to the wants of big business.

Rona Ambrose attempted to put a positive spin on all this, by saying on twitter, “New EI changes are like ‘E-Harmony’ for job seekers and employers: matching Cdns looking for work with available jobs, data, support.”

But E-Harmony is fun. So much fun that I think senior conservatives should think about an EI hookup to find that one true job.

Let’s start with Rona Ambrose herself. She plays shuffle-the-cabinet well, but many remember her horrible stay as Minister of the Environment. Obviously she should never be in charge of living things again so I think her natural job is one of undertaker. Perhaps she can apply makeup to the deceased and so put a nice spin on things.

Vic Toews could be matched with his dream of monitoring as many TV screens hooked up to cameras as can fit in a room. All his waking hours would be spent watching the minutia of these screens. But, because the company is paying Toews so much (his present salary), they can’t afford any computer software that might make his job easier.

Everyone knows John Baird as the ‘pitbull of the Conservative Party’. It’s obvious to everyone that Baird would make an ideal watchdog for some wealthy family. Just make sure that family is wealthy enough to pay for lawyers for the large chance that Baird will maul a trespasser. And I’d just feel safer with Baird having a chain around his neck, fixing him to a solid wall.

James Moore would be hired on by the Hollywood and Music collectives with the promise of being treated like a typical rock act. Exactly what he expects by being so pro these collectives. Little does he know the average rock act that gets signed first goes into debt by the label and is forced to make at least that much money back in one year. With only his twitter skills to support Moore, he will be dropped by these lobby groups before the year is up.

Then of course there is Jim Flaherty. Imagine, once, this man of such competence took a job as a taxi driver to make ends meet. Times were so tough on Flaherty that he could still afford to drive. Since he is such a willing spirit, I think he should try his hand at one of the jobs that was hardest on my dignity. Oh it paid fine. How about Jim Flaherty working at a mushroom farm and ‘filling house’. You do know that mushrooms grow in $#!+? Well that $#!+ can only be used once and must be replaced with fresh $#!+. I can picture Flaherty right now with a pitchfork and a wheel barrow. And of course $#!+.

Finally there is Stephen Harper. With his penchant for wanting to control everything down to the last little detail, he should get a job as a puppet master. Then while being so engrossed in detail we could get someone, really almost anyone, to handle the big picture better than Harper does. Someone else to tell him where to do his puppeteering for instance. I would vote for Fort McMurray. The one place in Canada where Stephen would have a half decently supportive audience. They can keep him.

About Larry Russwurm

Just another ranter on the Internet
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