Largely the humour of this post is derived from this serious account of events in Amish parts of Ohio.
A group of Amish followers of Samuel Mullet Sr. attacked and cut off the beards of 6 other Amish men and the hair of two Amish women. The Amish believe they show their religiousness by growing their beards long in the men and the hair long in the women.
The Amish generally shun technology so it was with some surprise that I read that electric shavers were used in the attacks.
The Amish also shun violence as a means of behaviour so the violence of the attacks also surprises.
And it was really surprising that Mullet and followers were convicted with a hate crime as you hardly think that two antagonists of the same religion would be so devout in their hatred that that charge would be levelled. I think the law had partially drawn up the hate crime laws to prosecute anti Amish people since, as listed before, the Amish shun violence and have been known to abandon homes in the pursuit of a more peaceful area.
Still, the suggested 210 months in jail (17.5 years) suggested by the hate crime laws seem excessive when no one was seriously injured.
But you don’t want hate crime legislation to be toothless. So allow me to suggest a compromise.
Since the Mullet Amish have changed in large ways from their Amish brethren, lets make them shave their beards. And so everyone can identify them from the run of the mill Amish, I suggest that they must all wear mullets. To show their religiousness, they can grow the back of the mullet as long as they need.
Remember how back in the mullet days (before mullets had a name), the wearer might say, “I’m business in the front and party in the back”?
Well then these Mullet followers can say, “I’m business in the front and religion in the back.”