In the Presence of Dentyne

If you watched television in the last couple of years, chances are you’ve seen the ‘practise safe breath’ Dentyne campaign for that brand of gum. Basically they use condom like situations to provide the comedy for these ads.

I don’t know if it has been true for the whole campaign, but the latest ad shows the guy with the hard won, pristine and unopened pack of Dentyne. It never shows him chewing a piece but it shows the girl now willing to kiss him and they do. So I am left thinking that you don’t have to actually use your Dentyne to get its benefits. You just need to be in the presence of Dentyne.

I think I’ll try this out for my next date. I’ll be free to eat onions, stinky cheese and garlic. Then instead of freshening my breath by actually having a piece of Dentyne, I will place an unopened pack near me and pucker up at the end of the date. What could go wrong? Someone naive might think I’m asking for a fight by proving I have easy access to fresh breath but refusing to go that one step further.

Then I’ll go one step further. I’ll go to a dental appointment without brushing my teeth. “Doc,” I’ll say (dentists love being called doc), “You’re in luck. I got Dentyne just for you.”

When I place the Dentyne beside me and then invite him to do his job, you might think I’m being egregious in not actually chewing the Dentyne first. But thanks to Dentyne advertisements, I know my mouth is fresh as a daisy.

So when you’re in a variety store, pucker up. You’re in the presence of Dentyne so your breath will be fine if you spy someone you wish to kiss. Same for drug stores and checkouts in bigger stores where the gum is stored.

Since the connection to condoms was made, I can follow the logic and suspect that pregnancy is unlikely if you have a sealed condom near your lovemaking site. Spreading STD’s might be unlikely too. Thank you, Dentyne for alerting us to the power of being in the presence of something to get their full effect. I suspect there is a whole pseudo science here waiting to be unleashed on the world.

About Larry Russwurm

Just another ranter on the Internet. Now in the Fediverse as
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