Blue Bloods

In today’s society, much less of our culture involves royals in any form. So to prevent cultural genocide of this facet of existence I would like to share the story of the blue bloods.

Early European royal families, many centuries ago, began to be fascinated by inbreeding. Inbreeding could be a speedy ticket to change. Intent on harnessing this mighty power for themselves, those early royals inbred like crazy.

At the beginning of this grand experiment, they thought it necessary to separate themselves from the rabble. So those early royals had the grand aim of transforming themselves into actual living and breathing blue bloods.

Now no one actually had blue blood, so it was hard to find a good starting place for these royals. But valiantly they tried, inbreeding occurred between all the top royals.

Now some say this fascination with inbreeding and blood might have directly led to the propensity of royals to have hemophilia. Some say this blood disease, which makes it difficult for the blood to coagulate and stop bleeding, can be traced back to Queen Victoria of Britain and beyond.

So the royals of Europe, despite inbreeding as fast as humanly possible, never developed true blue blood. Indeed the best that they were able to do was to spend as much of life inside and away from the sun and tanning booths. Then when their veins show through in their pallid skin, it looks bluish. That is as close as things ever got.

So if you want to do your best to be a blue blood, spend next to no time outside, especially don’t spend time out there working. And no tanning booths please. You may not be breeding with a close cousin but you too might be thought to be royal.

Full disclosure: I am not a royal.