My Plan to Counterfeit and Never Get Caught

Since 1967, it is my belief that there are 6 852 different coins in circulation in Canada and we are somehow supposed to recognize them all as legal tender.

So, yes, I intend to counterfeit coins.

In 1967, it was a celebration of Canada’s centennial that kicked off this madness. Animals graced that year’s change. Don’t ask me to name the animals because I’ve never seen all the coins with everything but the odd penny being taken out of circulation by all the collectors. But I have seen the 1973 quarter that honoured the 100th anniversary of the RCMP and every odd coin since. It’s been a lot of odd coins since so I am quite truthful when I say I wouldn’t know all of them.

And what are we doing this year on Canada’s sesquicentennial? Of course it’s another year of all new coins, from the nickel to the toonie.

So if I had the brainpower of organized crime behind me, I’d examine which coin was the most profitable for our government to make with special attention paid to the loonie and the toonie because they are the most expensive and also the easiest to push on an unsuspecting populace.

I would then make that toonie or loonie with a different cause that Canadians could celebrate. I would only have two criteria: that it’s funny so people would be predisposed to accept these coins and that it’s a plausible sounding event so Canadians would never know that they are pushing bad coins.

So let’s make something up like the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s paper anniversary. This is funny because none of our currency is made from paper anymore. It is also believable because the Duke and Duchess have already had their paper anniversary and all the intelligent counterfeiter must do is make the date of the coin match the date of the anniversary.

There is only one flaw with this plan. There will be coins of the same denomination from the same year not celebrating the anniversary. So all we need is a Wikipedia page explaining that the mint kept the secret of the special coins until after the actual anniversary so as not to spoil the surprised for the duke and duchess. Wikipedia will not be able to determine our trickery simply because no Canadian in existence can say what is legal tender in our change anymore.

And that’s how I intend to make my living from now on. Bwuh huh huh. So expect me to pay for things exclusively in loonies or toonies.

About Larry Russwurm

Just another ranter on the Internet
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