The header of this blog is me from about Hallowe’en in 1975ish in a Superman costume. I was puzzled when my mother, taking pictures of me outside in the costume, told me to pose like I was flying. But I knew I couldn’t fly or fake it well which was why I was puzzled. A few years ago, my sister Laurel made the header and using photo alteration software made it look like I was flying up in the sky. Finally my Superman flying destiny was fulfilled.
But now I think that the dream of being just like Superman has died.
You see, this Hallowe’en I went bowling with friends. I had a mask that fit neatly in my pocket while getting there. Once inside the bowling alley, I put it on. It was a full head mask with horrific looking growths starting on one side of my slitted eyes and continuing on the other side. The mouth wouldn’t open for eating and only had a couple holes to breathe through. I had decided to make do. I was gruesome and it was beautiful.
Then the game started. I knew I couldn’t bowl through those slitted eyes so I took the mask off to bowl. Then I sat down again and put on the mask. It went like this: First I’d take my glasses off. Then I would pull the mask over my head. Then I would slide the mask around a bit until I had half decent vision through the eye slits. Then I would put my glasses back on, over the slits. Finally, I would push the arm hooks of the glasses against my head over my ears so they would stay on.
With the mask on, I would watch the rest of the bowlers until it was my turn. I then took my glasses off, then the mask and then put my glasses on my naked head. I did this for a couple frames and finally said “nuts” and just left my head unfettered for the rest of the game.
I was too lazy to keep honouring the day of costumes. What would I do if I were the real Superman?
I would work at the Daily Planet (as Clark Kent), until a teletype told me of some dangerous emergency. Then I would quickly don my Superman costume and save some lives. Then I would go back to the Daily Planet till the next emergency. Then I would change again and save more lives. Then I would head back and if there were a third emergency, I would yell “ The H-E- double hockey sticks with this!” and then I would fly out as Clark Kent and save the day and lose my secret identity.
And that is if i only have the good type of laziness. Otherwise by the end of the day I’d be saying, “Humans, you’ve got to start saving yourselves.” Then I would leave them to their own devices. The casualty total might be high but at least they might start pulling themselves up by their bootstraps.