Ice From Above

“I’ve watched your cold producing powers for some time now,” said Mother Earth to Near Absolute Hero. “Am I right in supposing that your cold gun focuses the cold at a certain point?”

“Yeah. That’s what I think of as the art of using my gun. I’ve got to estimate how far away that object I want to make cold is.”

“Would you be interested if I said I could make it a science that required little thinking on your part?”

“I would love to hear how.”

“We’ll just get Modern Ninja to make you a pair of contact lenses that can tell your gun what your eyes are focusing on. She uses it to make herself invisible to an enemy at a certain point.”

“I didn’t realize that she was using something that could help me so much. I would thank her profusely if she gave me a pair of contact lenses like that.”

“Don’t forget it was my idea.”

“Thank you Mother Earth.”

“Since you’ve been polite, I will elaborate on my idea. You know that the air has a component of water vapour in it?” asked Mother Earth.

“I guess. When it’s humid we say the air is pretty damp.”

“Yes. And if the air is cooled enough, some of that water will no longer be supported by the air and it will become drops.”

Near Absolute Hero was getting where Mother Earth was going, “And if we cooled it even more an iceball could fall on my enemy. But I’ve already thought about that. If I could just motion my gun in a perfect straight line over my enemy’s head I could knock him out with a little iceball. The problem is I just don’t have the delicate and complex control of my gun to do this.”

“With the contact lenses connected to the gun we can take into account everything spatial with the humidity and temperature and let those ice balls rain down on your enemy. We would need to make a computer system on your suit to handle all the calculations. And the gun would need to be pointed just so. So your arm and trigger finger would need to be automatically controlled by the computer system. I can program this. Perhaps Modern Ninja could do it as well.”

“Well let’s get this system working. I’d love to test it out,” said Near Absolute Hero.

“First I want to get you to give it up for ladies in the STEMs.”

“You mean Science, Technology, Engineering and Math? I’d say I was only an engineer myself. I guess I’m relying on you ladies for science, technology and math.”

“Why can’t you just give it up to us for all four?”

“If you ladies can pull this off then I will toast your abilities in all 4 of these specialties. More women in STEMs I will say to anyone willing to listen.”

“Then you will become the superhero you always dreamed of becoming. Near Absolute Hero isn’t just Near anymo-”

Near Absolute Hero put out his hand to stop Mother Earth. “Absolute Hero isn’t possible. But we might be getting closer.”

About Larry Russwurm

Just another ranter on the Internet
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