Quota Time

Let’s say you’re an Ontario cop and you’ve got to make your quota of fines and tickets for the month. Of course you will deny up until your death bed that you have a quota, still, you would like to up your fines. You have a new idea this month. You are going to take advantage of the G2 licence in Ontario and its condition that drivers have zero alcohol in their system.

Your first place to stake out is a wine tasting. Where overconfident tasters think that swishing and swirling the wine around in your mouth, then spitting it out means you haven’t drunk any alcohol. So you pull over the young wine tasters, knowing that some of them may have only a G2 licence. Maybe you’ll get a couple of those on breathalyzers and see if they swallowed wine by accident.

Your next place to check is a young person’s dance. Police instinct tells you that some of them will have used mouthwash with alcohol in it, before coming to the dance. Again they’re overconfident because they have mostly spit out the mouthwash. Again you’ll likely catch a couple of criminals who actually swallowed a bit of that mouthwash. You feel good about your fine police work.

Finally, you wait for Sunday for your last stakeout. You wait outside a Christian church when they are having the Eucharist. That’s when they give out bread wafers and a sip of wine as the body and blood of Christ. Never once realizing the basic cannibalism they are enshrining. Confident there’ll be a few G2 licence holders in the bunch, you resolve to nab this criminal scum. A whole sip of wine. They are for sure going to make that breathalyzer ding.

Then you, the fine police officer that you are, can ease back and rest till the last week of next month. Confident that you have saved the streets from at least some of the criminal element.

About Larry Russwurm

Just another ranter on the Internet
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