Grab Bag O’ Humour

Christians have been calling God, Father, since at least the holy trinity and the Lord’s Prayer. I say, why stop there? Why not liven religion up with other terms meaning father?

Why not call Him, Dad or Daddy-o? Suddenly religion feels less uptight and more interesting. Then the Lord’s prayer begins, “Daddy-o who art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name…” . His name would still be hallowed, just differently than before.

How about calling God, Big Daddy? There would be no way he could be confused with another Big Daddy. At their largest, a human Big Daddy might be 1400 pounds. But God is supposed to be everywhere, and be in everything. The mass of everything in just your house or apartment is probably much greater than 1400 pounds. Don’t forget to include the mass of your walls and roof as well! God is easily the Biggest Daddy of all! So the term fits very well.

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You might say that you don’t fatten up cattle to eat, that you beef it up instead. While this may be true of most beef where you don’t want too much fat in your meal, it’s not true of wagyu beef.

There is a rumour that Japanese wagyu cows are given beer and massaged daily. This of course is not done in reality to even wagyu beef cows.

All wagyu cows are pampered a bit. Fattening them up properly is an art to behold. It takes them 3 years to reach 700 kg, something other cows do in half the time. The purpose of the pampering is to get perfectly fat marbled beef. It’s supposed to melt in your mouth when you eat this beef.

I would like to tell you from personal experience how it tastes, but I have never had the extra money needed to partake of this beef. And, for the last few years I haven’t eaten beef at all. So it looks like I’ll never know what this luxury tastes like.

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Doesn’t “He’s got a screw loose!” sound sexual when you say it out loud? If you still don’t hear it, replace “got a” with “gotta”. Yes it’s very sexual.

If you say it to some huffy person, they might respond with, “I’ve gotta screw loose? I’ve gotta screw loose? No! You’ve gotta screw loose!”

About Larry Russwurm

Just another ranter on the Internet
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