Methane Reductions

Even assuming we get down to zero carbon dioxide emissions by 2050, the second biggest contributor to climate change needs to be addressed. That is, methane emissions need to be curbed as well.

Scientists are already studying cattle as one of the biggest sources of methane gas. They say 95% of the methane emissions coming from these beasts are belched out, but I believe that is a big lie meant to attract farmers to the dairy and beef sectors.

After cattle, the next biggest source of methane emissions is the middle aged man. I remember the halcyon days in my youth when I emitted almost no methane. Front or back. Why, I couldn’t even figure out how to fake burp for years.

Those days are gone, now, and all I hope for is that one of my burps or farts will not turn out to be a chain burp or fart. What do I mean by chain? That is when one burp or fart stretches out and lasts 30 seconds or more.

Can we contain the gas of middle aged men from the source? Most people would point to beans as being the source. But I haven’t had beans with pork in tomato sauce for a decade because I am on a low sodium diet. The only other source of beans for me were the kidney beans in chili con carne. But I stopped eating chili because I stopped eating beef. I have stopped for at least 5 years, maybe 7 or 8 years. So I haven’t had beans in almost a decade. And I’m as gassy as ever.

Certain probiotics claim to lower gas and bloating. The side effect of this may be flatulence. Huh? Isn’t 50% of gas, flatulence? Probiotic science doesn’t seem like a science just yet. But, what will happen in the future when it is more proven?

Will middle aged men be prescribed the right kind of probiotic to lessen their gas? Will this be volountary? Or will we need probiotic free jails for the rebels. The guards would have to be robots because of the hard conditions. Those same hard conditions might cause some to finally agree to the probiotics.

For the public, this will mean a much less stinky environment. All while cleaning up the environment and helping reverse climate change. A win/win.

But I still imagine a divide in the public. Middle aged men will try to demand free probiotics for their conditions, saying that it is necessary for life. Conservatives will try to block this as they always do. So middle aged men will go on a strike (without probiotics) and hang around conservative conventions and meetings. Now that is a heavy handed tactic, but, it might just be necessary.

About Larry Russwurm

Just another ranter on the Internet. Now in the Fediverse as
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