Dear Lee Press-On Nails,

I have been looking for a product that I wish you would actually make. That is a set of artificial nails that are so long they start to curl around. Exactly like the world record holders in the growing of nails. I have looked everywhere I can think of, but it seems no one makes these nails.

I represent an untapped market for you. That is men who wish to get out of household chores. You see, I have figured out that the usual household chores are impossible while preserving such nails. But by the same token, I believe I could still hold and operate a video game controller while having such long nails.

I would be willing to pay over $100 a set for such nails. Just not so much as a cleaning person would cost to do the monthly chores around my place. I believe that this would allow for you to have sufficient profit that this line of nails would be viable.

I am entering the dating scene again and would like to start fresh with these nails. Any woman I date would only know me with these nails. I would tell her that they are an integral part of who I am. That to accept me, she must also accept the nails.

I would go on to tell her that most of my life I have been living under the tyranny of my parents and that the only thing I was allowed to control was the length of my fingernails. So I am literally deeply attached to them.

I would then take her over to my apartment and say it is really hard to take care of with my fingernails, as she saw the mess. My parents used to do such things but I am keeping their controlling ways far from here. I was hoping that she cared enough to help me out.

It would be then that she might suggest a cleaning person. I would say that I’m worried about the money because I have only so much and it’s hard to find a job with such nails.

I would be worried by then that she would come up with a diplomatic solution like cutting off the nails of one hand. I would then say you’re not accepting me for me. Hopefully then she would have the heart to clean for me. If not it would be back to the dating site to find someone who wants me for me.

Anyhow, please make these nails and I will be a loyal customer. Even if you have to make these custom just for me, I would be interested to see your pricing.

Thank you,

A future loyal customer.

About Larry Russwurm

Just another ranter on the Internet. Now in the Fediverse as
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