Vegetare

I had been warned about driving in the desert alone at night. Still I wanted to return home to Oklahoma as soon as possible to maximize my Christmas break with my family.

I saw some lights over to the west. But decided to concentrate on the road instead. The stereotypical UFO encounter continued as I lost my radio station, then my only one year old car engine stalled. The lights came closer as I pulled over. I felt trapped as there were only a few cacti to hide behind. So I stayed in the car as the alien ship hovered over me.

Suddenly three aliens came down from the spaceship and surrounded my car. The closest one tapped on my driver’s window. I opened it a crack. “Greetings,” I said in an effort not to be overpowered.

“Greetings, Earthling. We are from Vegetare.”

I thought about that a moment then laughed. “Are you trying to tell me you are Vegetarians?”

“Is there something funny about that?” asked the talkative alien.

“Here on earth, people who don’t eat meat say that’s what they are called.”

The alien just stared blankly for a minute. I tried to help him. “Which star system are you from? Maybe you can go by that.”

The alien’s face became more animated. “Yes we could do that. We are from the Vega star system.”

I laughed long and hard at this. “Are you saying that not only are you Vegetarians, but you are Vegans as well?”

“What is funny about this?”

“Earthlings call themselves Vegans if they don’t eat animals or animal products”

The alien stared blankly. It blinked its eyes a couple times.

“To avoid confusion, what exactly do you aliens actually eat?

“Cookies,” came the quick reply.

I rubbed my chin. “That’s possibly Vegan or Vegetarian. Maybe your story does check out. But how do you survive on just junk food.”

“You misunderstand.” said the alien and pointed a gun like thing at my head. “We’re the cookers, you are the cookees!”

About Larry Russwurm

Just another ranter on the Internet. Now in the Fediverse as @admin@larryrusswurm.org
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