Turning Off the News

Many times I’ve heard from people that they had stopped watching or reading the news. What stops these people from keeping up with current events? Inevitably it is the same reason. They don’t like watching something that is so negative. The scary, depressing bent of the news is why they feel they must turn it off and do something different.

I’ve been thinking of turning off the news for an entirely different reason. It’s because of the obvious, horrible puns they put in news stories. It just offends my comic nature. Not only do they come up with every obvious pun, but they also seem way too pleased with their work. I can’t stand it. The only way this will change is if the entire news industry changes. Barring that, I feel I must go on strike against the news as it is.

Not only do they come up with these obvious puns, but they race to get the story first so they can be the first to make these horrible puns. Remember Lois Lane? She risked her life every month or so, causing Superman to have to rescue her, all so she could get the scoop. Why was the scoop so prized? Well there were two reasons. One reason was she would get the esteem of her colleagues. But the second reason was so she could share her horrible puns with the rest of the world.

What causes otherwise perfectly good reporters to push their puns on an unsuspecting public? Well it’s because they keep hearing that the news is so negative. It’s too scary and depressing to many people. So the reporter hears what they want to hear. They think that a few horrible puns will lighten the mood and not turn off so many people.

But instead of this being a full solution to the problem, they have managed to push me away. Myself, a person who can handle the negativeness of the news, gets turned away by the horrible puns. I know that the reporters aren’t going to change. So the only alternative I have is to ignore the news from now on. My comedic sensibility can’t take it anymore.

So if you have a news story you are excited to tell someone, you are welcome to tell me. It will be news to my ears. But if you repeat the puns of the news story, too, I will instead ignore you. And please, don’t make up your own puns when you try to tell me all about it. Ask Lois Lane. You haven’t earned that right.

About Larry Russwurm

Just another ranter on the Internet. Now in the Fediverse as @admin@larryrusswurm.org
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