Bible Literalist Opens Door Wide to Many Evolutions

Posted on 22 October 2013 by Larry Russwurm

I don’t know why but a few weeks ago I flicked on a bible literalist show and saw a man rationalizing Noah’s Ark as presented in the bible.

Perhaps burned many times by the assertions of others that millions of species of animals simply wouldn’t fit on any boat we can make today let alone in Noah’s time, he went on to say that most animals come in “likes”. He specifically said that a horse is like a zebra or a donkey. The viewer is left to assume only one of these species is necessary to put on Noah’s Ark. The horse presumably led to a donkey and zebra in the time since Noah’s Ark.

Time and changes are 2 big foundations of evolution. The only thing this literalist left out was the mechanism of sexual selection. Notice he didn’t preclude it. So it is my belief that even bible literalists support some form of evolution. Notice that there would have to be many, many evolutions for the original animals to fit on the Ark.

And since I saw this show I am stunned by one big possibility. Humans, apes, monkeys, gorillas, etc. are all likes. The most efficient way to bring all these creatures onto the Ark would be to represent them all by Noah and his family.

Presumably breeding in Noah’s family led to apes, monkeys, gorillas and more. You know how creationists mock evolution for saying we are descended from apes? Well it would appear that some bible literalists say that monkeys and other lower primates are descended from man.

I’ve never had a visual for Noah. But I now suspect that he and his family members had exceedingly hairy backs.

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Vlad the Neck Biter

Posted on 12 October 2013 by Larry Russwurm

Because of the huge market for Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Vlad the Impaler got so entwined in vampire lore that I’ve seen more than one book about monsters and vampires begin the section with the aforementioned Vlad. Dracula was an inherited name of Vlad the Impaler.

The only link between Vlad the Impaler and vampires is that both like to kill people. Very few would argue with the simple truth that vampires are all about the method with which they kill people. Vampires bite the neck of their human prey and suck the blood out for sustenance.

Vlad the Impaler obviously liked killing people in a different way. Else he would be called Vlad the Neck Biter. He would have people ruthlessly killed by impaling them. In no way did he get sustenance from his prey. In no way did he have any of the benefits of being a vampire (almost immortality and great strength). But he also had none of the drawbacks either (no one said he fled the sun or abhorred garlic).

So are we just willy nilly handing out the position of proto vampire to those with extreme bloodlust?

I dare say that we can trace Blacula just as rigorously back to that treacherous Ugandan dictator Idi Amin. Amin took power in 1971 and Blacula appeared in 1972. Maybe Uganda could become almost as popular a destination for those entranced by monsters as Transylvania is.

Shouldn’t all murderous dictators spawn their own vampire then? The Hitler vampire can haunt Austria and Germany. The Stalin Vampire can haunt the old soviet bloc of Russia and its neighbours. The Mao vampire can feed off the Chinese. Instead of being embarrassed by their past, these countries can profit off new tourism as well as make money off of strong futures in the wooden stake market.

The wild west of the US was supposed to be inhabited less by quick drawing men and more by men who got the drop on their enemy first. For every leading gunfighter, there could be a vampire spawned by the bloodlust. Vampire Jesse James and Billy the Vampire would be just two among many. The lawlessness would seem to be unending. The sheriff would of necessity be seceded by a vampire slayer.

Pirate spawn: Arr, I want to bite your neck. Supervillain spawn would be robbing banks as a front so people wouldn’t realize they were killing for food. All monsters would spawn vampires. Like werewolves and Frankensteins, mummies and zombies. Maybe sharks and some of the earth’s more fearsome creatures would spawn kids that would grow massive canines and become neck biters.

As with Vlad the Impaler, the only credential needed would be bloodlust.

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Why Green Day Stopped Making Concept Albums

Posted on 5 October 2013 by Larry Russwurm

American Idiot was a very successful album for Green Day. So of course they tried the concept album again with 21st Century Breakdown. But instead of steadily gaining new audience with three new concept albums they reverted to a normal style of album for Uno, Dos and Tre. Why?

Somehow concept albums were failing Green Day. With graphing I decided to have fun and show you the reason for no new concept albums. Unlike many bloggers who are skilled at making computer graphs, I, the unskilled, had to break out the graph paper. Maybe one day in the far future I will figure out how to make computer graphs the way I want.

Greendaytracknovsquality

This first graph shows all 5 albums. On the left side is the number 1 denoting my favourite song on each album. Then in descending order are my next favourites all the way to the number 12 where I don’t care anymore and rarely listen to that track.

Opinion is involved here. To give some flesh to my opinion I will say that my favourite song off each album is : Wake Me Up When September Ends; 21 Guns; Oh Love; Wild One; and X Kid. Mostly these were the first or second single off each album.

This ‘level of interest’ was contrasted with track number. You can kind of see the dropout in interest toward the far middle of each album.

Greendayavgoflast5albumsshows2ndactslump

I drew this second graph, averaging out the tracks and how much I liked them. This clearly shows the dropout again.

Green Day clearly suffers from something common in the writing world. That is the second act slump (in the three act structure). This is common when writing prose. I find it interesting that it also happens when Green Day writes music.

Is it all deliberate? After all they try to suck you into the album with many fine tracks in the beginning. And then of course you would want the climax near the end of the compilation to be a high point. But to be frank, if it always leads to a second act slump (5 times!) perhaps Green Day ought to change their methodology.

Maybe Green Day will stumble onto an order of tracks that makes me like the whole album. Maybe Green Day will raise their game and make me like an entire album of theirs because of merit. But I think they will continue with no new concept albums in a bid to make the second act slump of theirs less noticeable.

Post Script: I don’t know if Green Day managed to avoid the second act slump (in American Idiot and 21st Century Breakdown) with their lyrics because I can not get past the slump in music quality to listen to the lyrics.

Posted in Mathematics, Music, Wee Bit O' Humour, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

One Cutesy Swear Word to Rule Them All

Posted on 28 September 2013 by Larry Russwurm

WARNING: This post should only ever be read by very mature individuals.

SECONDARY WARNING: If you are mature enough to read this post you will, with great certainty, not find it the least bit funny.

There is a cutesy substitution to every major English swear word. Most of the time the cutesy swear word starts with the same sound or letter. The major ones are substituted by fudge, shoot, butt, darn and of course heck. These exclamations are generally allowed in polite society.

It is my premise that only one cutesy swear word is needed. Allow me to proceed.

Fudge is that one cutesy swear word. I know you are skeptical and wonder why I am even trying to limit the expressiveness of the English language. But that one fudge is all we need. It’s just that I have to be incredibly immature to show you.

Anal sex is also called fudge packing. This in itself is a cutesy expression for a term not usually mentioned. Note that packing fudge is a euphemism for packing $#!+. So suddenly the cutesy fudge, can also be used for the cutesy shoot.

And $#!+hole means the equivalent of butthole. Therefore butt means $#!+ which means shoot which means fudge. So fudge now is a cutesy swear word for two other cutesy swear words.

I know what you’re thinking. It’s all a trick. The author has nothing left up his sleeve. But to that I just say “Nyeah,” and watch closely. I’ll simply fudge the remaining results. Tadah! The cutesy swear word fudge can now be used for all cutesy swear words. It now rules them all.

I usually give about ten tags at the end of each post, listing the more important thoughts or subjects. You’ll excuse me while I tag this post with exactly zero tags. I am afraid. I am very afraid.

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Lime and Alcohol

Posted on 22 September 2013 by Larry Russwurm

It was a number of years ago when I first tried a lime wedge pushed into the neck of a bottle of beer. I think it was Corona beer that was promoting this method of annoying beer bottle reusing programs since the wedge many times got lodged in the bottle.

The rest of the beer oligopoly figured this one out and began selling premixed lime beer. Right now I can buy Miller Lime (get it – Miller time), Bud Light Lime and and Kitchener-Waterloo’s own Red Baron Lime. It saves their system from fishing out those lime wedges and let’s face it, beer per volume is more expensive than lime juice per volume. But most importantly, I, the consumer, prefer the taste.

After this I had a more interesting run in with lime. A friend lured me over to his place with the promise of free alcohol. I of course immediately rushed out to partake. Only when I got there did I realize the only alcohol he had left was tequila.

For two decades after coming of age to drink alcohol I drank no tequila. You see in those early days of my drinking I did have tequila as well as too much of other alcohol. I ended up ralphing my guts out. I remember the taste of tequila on the way out. Once you’ve experienced that, two decades of abstinence from tequila is nothing.

So I cursed my seemingly generous friend. He promised me tequila is fine if you take a bite of lime after each swig. I didn’t believe him that something so minor could change my mind. Still I agreed to try it once.

The tequila was fine. This different taste to chase the tequila made all the difference. So I am now bullish on lime’s positive effect on alcohol.

I must try a lime rickey, now. As well, light coloured alcohol is supposed to go nice with light coloured mix. 7 Up is a lemon lime flavoured pop that is light coloured so I should try it with all the light coloured alcohols.

But I am even more bullish on the power of lime with alcohol. Let’s start putting lemon wedges into all beers, not just the light coloured ones. How about a lime wedge in Guinness beer?

7 Up can go into the darker spirits like whiskey. Sounds scrumptious.

A few lime wedges would fit oh so nicely into champagne. And with wines both red and white, you can shake the bottle for a better mix of the wedges and alcohol. Who needs the alleged classiness of grapes when you have the superior taste of the lime with alcohol.

The last and best use of a lime would be to somehow ferment lime juice to create an alcohol. Now that must be pure ambrosia. It would be the penultimate use of lime and alcohol.

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Arms for the Discerning Dictator

Posted on 14 September 2013 by Larry Russwurm

There are still many dictatorships scattered around the world. Each one is controlled by some paranoid (that’s how they maintain power), scared of rivals who might usurp their position or even rival countries that will bomb their country into submission.

So the discerning dictator looks at the arms he can acquire. Should he bankrupt his country in the process, that could lead to ruin. If he doesn’t spend enough on arms that, too, could lead to ruin. So each dictator must do their imitation of Goldilocks.

When shopping for arms, the best weapons come from United States and the rest of NATO. Just looking at their air force brings out the greed in a dictator. Jets that have a coating that make them invisible to radar. Jets that are basically wings, further limiting their radar profile. And more recently, drones that can enter enemy airspace and bring down one lone influential enemy. Quit drooling you discerning dictators, these treats are not meant for you.

Pick your reason. You do not have enough money. Or NATO reserves its A list weaponry for itself and possibly the ANZUS alliance.

But NATO countries are capitalists. They have much worse weaponry they are able to sell you. But the discerning dictator has been put off by the so called ethics of NATO.

So let’s look elsewhere in the world.

Everyone says China will one day rival the US in power. But China is barely in space. They haven’t had their technology honed by a long, deep rivalry that the US had with Russia. Oh, China is going to get there. Just not yet.

Russia is still a major power. Indeed they have the best way for humans to get to the International Space Station. The US relies on that prowess right now.

But generally, in other ways, Russian technology is behind American technology. If only they had a way to make it up somehow.

Oh , that’s right, the discerning dictator notes, Russia can veto any measure by the security council of the United Nations. If a customer would be accused of atrocities against humanity, no UN resolution would be adopted to approve of sanctions or military strikes.

Since Russia is willing to go that extra mile, the discerning dictator likes to shop for arms there.

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The Necker Cube Lie

Posted on 7 September 2013 by Larry Russwurm

I have drawn for you the so called Necker cube. It reminds one of a real world cube constructed of 12 straight wires. For centuries people have been fascinated by its ambiguity. It can be seen to represent a cube with the bottom face forward or a different cube with its top face forward.

neckercube

There has been much discussion of the Necker cube. Like why do most people seem to see it with the bottom face forward rather than the top face forward? This is relatively mundane to me as we’re used to seeing children’s blocks on the ground (the bottom face forward) and are less likely to see cubes suspended above us (top face forward).

What bothers me most about the Necker cube is that it is all a lie. It is not a cube. Real cubes differ from Necker cubes when art perspective is taken into account. Seen next is a real cube with the 12 wire edges . It is bottom face forward. When you look at it top face forward you end up with a shape that no one would call a cube. There is no ambiguity with the real cube. There is only one interpretation of a real cube.

realcube

So I had to laugh while doing research on Necker cubes. I saw this Wikipedia article, this other article, and a dictionary definition of a Necker cube all using the word perspective. They were all totally oblivious to the art perspective point that negates their interpretation. It is an unfortunate choice of words. Even if I were to describe the Necker cube as schizophrenic, it would only fall short with regards to humour. (Schizophrenic does not mean having multiple personalities as many lay people think). There was however this article from Free net encyclopedia in the first page of Duck Duck Go hits that said the Necker cube used “isometric perspective” that does seem to have it right.

There are only two ways I know of for a real world cube to approach a Necker cube (but never quite get there). You can put the cube a huge distance from you and then look at the magnified image through a telescope.

Or you can shrink the cube down to an incredibly small size and then magnify it a large amount with a microscope.

With these two methods a real cube would look a lot like a Necker cube. But then, if we’re just willy nilly using technology then why can’t I use a spaceship to go to the far cube and find out which way it pops? And can’t I use nanotechnology to see that small cube as large and also see which way it pops three dimensionally?

Ignoring perspective is what gets the Necker cube to be ambiguous. This trick is also used with Schroder stairs and I don’t know how many other optical illusions. I don’t think these illusions show us as much about reality as some would suggest.

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Is the UK a Suffix Snob?

Posted on 31 August 2013 by Larry Russwurm

Canada, Australia and New Zealand try so hard to look good to the United Kingdom. We go so far as to make the United Kingdom’s head of state our own head of state. How more obvious do you want us to be? And it’s even called the United Kingdom. Aren’t we by definition part of the Kingdom? I know it’s a Queendom right now but I still think it counts.

So let’s look at the people who inhabit the United Kingdom right now. There are the English, the Scottish, the Irish and even the Welsh. All those inhabitants have sh and most have ish suffixes describing them. And why not? As a whole they are called the British.

And we descendants from the newer worlds are called Canadians, Australians and New Zealanders. We simply don’t have the magic suffix in our names. Even our nicknames: Canucks, Aussies and Kiwis don’t contain the magic suffix. Is it any wonder we get snubbed by the United Kingdom?

The British pretend that we were simply too far away when our countries were formed to make one cohesive unit. That’s the official line, but I can’t help but think the reason we are separate states is because of the magic suffix.

‘Wait’, someone might say, ‘why doesn’t the United Kingdom contain the other ish inhabitants of the world?’ Like the Danish, Finnish and Swedish? Let us not forget that 2 of these lands were once the world source of Vikings along with Norway. Obviously Norwegian and Finnish was a Viking slip up, like Greenland and Iceland. These people should be called the Norish and the Finwegians.

Why does this love affair exist between the British and the Vikings? It’s because in the middle ages, parts of Britain were controlled by the Vikings. The British and Vikings were under one flag before.

The other ish people I am aware of are the Spanish and Polish. I could make up something about the Spanish Armada having come so close to taking over Britain that the British think of the Spanish as being one of their own. But really, the Spanish are also called Spaniards and that is where we’ll leave them for the purposes of this post. The Polish felt so much like brethren that even Chamberlain drew a line there against the Nazis. And they, too, have a second name – the Poles.

So if the newer world truly wants to be as one with their British colonizers, might I suggest adopting new names for the inhabitants? Very shortly you will begin to hear about the Canadish, the Australish and the New Zealandish. Can a world spanning United Kingdom be far behind?

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Why We Won’t Revisit the Moon

Posted on 24 August 2013 by Larry Russwurm

There is some debate in the space community about whether we should concentrate on making the Moon or Mars the next objective. Some say one place at a time. If we explore and develop the Moon well enough we can make it into a sort of stepping stone for Mars exploration. Some say Mars is the next objective. And really it should be the main one, Mars still looks like it is the most Earth-like of all the planets and satellites.

But clearly neither destination is really ours. When the time comes it will be the destination of the next generation. Shouldn’t we let them in on the discussion?

The next generation in the developed world likes cinema as that still seems to be one of the biggest mediums of expression. I’m not going to bore you with their likes and dislikes about Mars, Moon and space exploration movies. No. Instead we will look at the next generation’s take on Psycho.

There’s much to get the young ones’ interest piqued about this piece. It’s horror. It has action. It was made by a master of the form, Alfred Hitchcock, at the height of his powers. So pop it into someone from the next generation’s viewing list and wait. When it begins they will exclaim, “I can’t watch this it’s black and white!”

Take a look at the Moon next time you’re out at night. It is a black and white globe. Why the most colourful thing on it is that ridiculous, fake American flag the astronauts put on its surface. And if you get a chance to go to some other part of it, chances are the most colourful thing to see will be the blue/green Earth when it is visible.

The next generation will leave the “boring” Moon to be a starting point to developing countries’ space programs. Perhaps China, perhaps India could become a front runner there.

The developed world so much wants Mars that death missions are being planned with one way tickets to that planet. They simply want it too soon. The sensible choose to leave it for the next generation and a couple decades from now. The next generation is going to dream in the colour red.

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Gonna Get Someone to Ghost Write My Autobiography

Posted on 17 August 2013 by Larry Russwurm

I may not be important enough to get anyone to write a biography on me yet, let alone have people clamouring for my autobiography. The most direct route will be if this blog makes me a billionaire for bellyaching about my pet peeves. Failing that very likely scenario, I also write science fiction. The cost of being successful at these endeavours might very well be those biographies and maybe even an autobiography.

As I already told you in the title, I intend to hire a ghost writer to write down my life from my perspective. Why would I go this route? Well if people are clamouring for my autobiography, then I am already successful. I’ll probably lack the motivation to write, unless it has something to do with the bizarre story ideas I have. If I were made to make my autobiography because of the clamouring, it would seem too much like work and sap my enjoyment.

Besides, hiring a ghost writer helps someone else’s economic situation, too. I’ll already be successful, so there’ll be no point in helping me. This will make one more job for a fellow writer.

As well, I have exactly no experience in writing an autobiography. Zilch. Nada. Nothing. I don’t even keep a lowly journal.

Isaac Asimov would be ideal to ghost write my autobiography. After all he wrote no less than three of his own autobiographies. That experience would be wonderful.

But since Asimov has left this plane, I’m thinking there are bound to be ghost writers with at least that much experience. I can’t be the first one willing to have an autobiography done this way.

And when I get that ghost writer, I promise to be reticent, fanciful and full of fabrications. If a ghost writer expects to make money off my autobiography, s/he is going to have to work at it. Pretty soon they will outlaw me as an unreliable narrator.

Perhaps my autobiography will be found in the fiction section.

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