NaNoWriMo or Something Like It

Posted on 31 October 2012 by Larry Russwurm

For those of you who don’t know, NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month. You can find out more by typing nanowrimo.org into your browser or into a search engine. The month in question is always November and registering makes you eligible for small prizes, free support and motivation, and groups to befriend which can lead to buddy support.

Basically in November one attempts to write a novel (50 000 words -usually not quite big enough to be published as such). That means you must do a nose-to-the-grindstone 1667 words per day. It is my belief that some prizes should be offered to those few that will succeed. It is a tough proposition, especially when you consider most of those involved have jobs.

I am going to enter it for the first time this year. It’s just that I would like to make three qualifications for my entry.

First of all it is not National. I believe the organization started in the United States and I live in Canada. Our two countries have long had such things mixed up like in professional hockey or basketball organizations: the National Hockey League and the National Basketball Association. So it’s not surprising to see the mix up once again. But this time I think the NaNoWriMo involves many more countries.

Second in the name is the word Novel. Well I am not writing a novel this year. I am writing a handful of short stories and novelettes and, I believe, a lead off novella. That novella is called “The Fabrication” and this is what I entered for the title of my “novel”. There is time to fix it, yet., I could put in “The Fabrication and Other Stories”.

Thirdly is the Writing part of the name. I believe that what is implied by this word is “writing target”. To psych myself up for this event I told myself that all I had to do was write a computer page a day and I would then meet my own goal. A computer page is about 600 words so my target is roughly one third of the full target or 18 000 words. I actually changed my mind slightly. At the beginning of the month I’m going to try to get the full 1667 words. If I fall back to the 600 words it will still be a success. My goal was simply to get my butt in a seat every day so that I could have a half decently productive month. 600 words/day accomplishes this.

So I officially announce my participation this year in Mo. That’s not Movember but it could be. Hey maybe I should grow a moustache as a side benefit of this month. Happy Mo!

And because of my participation in Mo, I will only publish this blog once a week, on Saturdays throughout November.

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New Personalities in the Corporate Playground

Posted on 27 October 2012 by Larry Russwurm

It’s very old news that corporations have demanded the rights of people and largely gotten them. But what kind of personality does a corporation have? Many jurisdictions have said that shareholders rights must triumph over every other aspect of a corporation. This makes a corporation obsess about its bottom line. This is exactly like psychopath who always chooses what they think is best for themselves. So corporate culture or the corporate playground mentioned in the title is just a bunch of psychopaths interacting. We know humanity is sunk if we all become psychopaths. What does this say about the business world?

But recently, two new kinds of corporations have arisen. They are B corporations and benefit corporations. Because of the close ties, you might think that the B of B corporations could stand for benefit as in benefit corporations. But the world, as is, must realize a difference.

Both types of new corporations try to be of value, not just to the shareholders, but other stakeholders like employees and the community. This is laudable and it’s nice to see non psychopathic players in the corporate world.

The two new corporations differ in how they are set up. The B corporations must maintain standards set out by a third party. Only after they reach this third party standards are they given B corporation status. The benefit corporation is a legal definition. It exists in some jurisdictions. I think it came about as a shelter against laws that maintain the primacy of the shareholder. The corporation begins as a legal benefit corporation and thus the shareholders can’t say at a later date that they want to enforce the primacy of the shareholder. They knew going in that the company was a benefit corporation.

I’m hoping that both type of new corporation can expand their market share and numbers. We keep getting told in capitalism that we can vote for products and services with our money. It’s just that previously meant we only had a choice between psychopaths. This helps democratize our capitalism.

Also, human society wouldn’t be able to function with a majority of psychopaths. Hopefully non psychopathic corporations like B and benefit corporations will become the majority. Then at last the business world wouldn’t be so treacherous.

At the link is a finder such that if you enter your country or province or state you might find some local B corporations. Benefit corporations exist only in jurisdictions that have passed legislation. This Wikipedia article shows the US states that have enacted the legislation.

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Balls

Posted on 24 October 2012 by Larry Russwurm

Panel 1: Mike: Jacques, who do you think has more balls, me or John Johnson Jr. ?

Panel 2: Jacques: Well let’s see, you each have exactly two balls, but …

Panel 3: Jacques showing his full body with Xmas balls: … I on the other hand have more balls than 5 men!

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Loopholes for the No Nose Picking Rule

Posted on 20 October 2012 by Larry Russwurm

It was a few years ago when it finally dawned on me that “Hey,” all the people with nose rings, nose studs and other such piercings had found a loophole to the no nose picking rule. Of course they have to pick their noses when they put in these piercings or take them out. I especially would like to warn you about the person that changes their nose piercings daily. There is a highly visible yet secret society of nose pickers.

Now I’m a deep thinker so recently I came up with other loopholes to the no nose picking rule.

The first one is obvious and necessary. More horrible than knowing a person picks their nose is trying to be around them when they have a booger hanging in their nostril. I’ve tried saying nothing but it always grosses me out enough that I have to tell them. The classy people with boogers immediately go to the washroom and pick the booger out, making sure to wash their hands after such a foul act. Classy or not, a nose has been picked.

The next two loopholes are related. One can become a medical doctor and thus be made to pick other peoples noses for medical reasons or if the patient just plain shoved something too big up their nose. I have nieces and nephews and now know that this is common amongst little ones. The other loophole is when one becomes a scientist and investigates some of the things nasal, like the sense of smell, pheremone research and allergy or cold studies. These loopholes might be a problem for those of you who want to pick your own nose instead of the noses of others. Still, if one is desperate to get their own nose picked, one can jam something up their nose or enrol in studies like the aforementioned ones.

The next is a good loophole that works only if you are the right age. You can simply say when you are a toddler or a baby that you didn’t know the rule so you can’t have followed it. Also you could claim that you thought you couldn’t pick your nose since Uncle Bob says he’s got your nose all the time.

Finally you can say that you are an avant garde artist and that snot is your medium of choice for small sculptures or perhaps barely visible tracings on paper. When people question your art, you can say your pieces ask the question “What is art” and are therefore good for thinking society.

Just remember that creating with snot is just one short step away from creating with $#!+ . And some joker has already ruined that art loophole by saying that “The medium is the message.”

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Brazil

Posted on 17 October 2012 by Larry Russwurm

February 5, 2014 addition: It has come to my attention that most Brazilians find topless beaches to be crass. So I apologize for this cartoon in which I painted the whole nation.

Indeed, my country, Canada, has allowed women to go topless since the ’90s. This was seen as a woman’s rights issue when Gwen Jacobs took her top and bra off on a really hot day. In practice, however, no Canadian woman actually takes their top off in public unless they are breastfeeding. I heard stories of women asserting their rights in the nineties but being hounded by a gawking  horde of men nipped this in the bud.

Perhaps the joke could be made about Canada instead. You know something like “going topless in the Great White North puts the cans in Canada”. Feel free to make it into a cartoon.

 

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Is Justin Trudeau the Start of a New Math for Liberals?

Posted on 14 October 2012 by Larry Russwurm

You may have already heard about the Canadian Liberal Party’s system of alternating English leaders with French leaders. I’ve even mentioned it in an earlier post. But the math may have changed since confederation, 145 years ago.

You see, the country used to be more French. But recent stats show that those of French descent, Quebeckers, or those who speak French at home in Canada are all slightly under 25% of the total population. So alternating leaders between English and French seems a bit unfair (although French speakers are much more likely to also speak the other official language, English, than vice versa).

The Liberal Party could make it so that every fourth leader is, say, of French descent. That would be reasonable, too. Perhaps this might not be so palatable if the French leader only leads for a year and the three anglos lead for twenty years apiece. This is quite possible given Canada’s style of politics.

But there is an alternative in Justin Trudeau. True, his father was obviously French but his mother, Margaret was of mixed heritage, largely all English speaking groups. There is a touch of French in her heritage but it is small.

So Justin Trudeau is roughly half of French descent and half a mix of the Rest of Canada (ROC). Since the previous full leader of the Liberal Party was ROC Michael Ignatieff (I’m not including Bob Rae because he is only a rebuilder and will never represent the party at the polls), the swing to Justin Trudeau would lead to the perfect math for the country.

It could also be a stealth decision. Justin Trudeau is in Quebec, speaks French and can claim that heritage. Still we in the ROC know he is as much one of us. Coronate the man, already, Liberal Party, the numbers seem to add up fine. The Liberals seem to want the coronation, this post only helps with that rationale.

The only other way the numbers would add up would be if Canada’s only governing parties were to be the Liberals and the Conservatives. Then the Liberals could keep alternating English and French and the Conservatives would have to never have a French leader. At this point, I fear the Conservatives would only be too happy to oblige with that condition, as they have done so far in their short history.

But this is only speculation and ignores things like the strength of the New Democratic Party.

[I just did a quick perusal of Conservative (pre 1942), Progressive Conservative(1942-2003), Conservative (Again! 2003 till now) leaders and even the Reform and Canadian Alliance leaders and looked at each candidate’s names. This is purely unscientific, but every last name seemed to be a non French name except for Jean Charest ,1993-1998 leader of the Progressive Conservative Party. And Charest ruled the weaker of the two conservative parties at the time – the Reform Party being stronger. I’m too lazy to do a further check, but I checked the Reform -Canadian Alliance leaders and Peter MacKay(the last PC leader) and found their ethnicities only indicating that they are white, whereas Margaret Trudeau’s is given in great detail. Are the right wing contenders whitewashing(literally!) things?]

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Names

Posted on 11 October 2012 by Larry Russwurm

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Mutant Fish Found in Grand River (My River!)

Posted on 7 October 2012 by Larry Russwurm

Feminized male fish were found downstream of the sewage treatment plants’ effluent in the Grand River of Metro Kitchener (my city). Fish were found to be normal upstream of all the sewage treatment plants. The male fish in question, while usually carrying microscopic eggs, were carrying eggs easily visible to the naked eye. This usually only occurs in the females.

‘Does the effluent come from a nuclear plant?’ some are sure to wonder, the connection between radiation and mutation being so strong in our society. The only nuclears I am aware of in this city would be ones that exist in every mid size city – radiation at hospitals and in smoke detectors, etc. In Ontario we keep our nuclear reactors far away from inland Kitchener, on the Great Lakes of Ontario and Huron. Ostensibly it is for the purpose of having a lot of water nearby and for use, but really it’s a matter of if Ontario goes down, we’re taking our neighbouring US states with us.

The contaminant in the effluent must be chemical. And indeed, I’ve heard of chemical pollutants affecting sex before. Apparently pollutants like PCBs and DDT can skew the ratio of males to females toward the female side. I’d say let’s pollute enough that there are 2 girls for every boy or maybe even a full harem for every guy, but enough of this pollution might stop our ability to propagate the species.

So the pollution that has caused the change is likely chemical. Indeed it could even be directly from female hormones being flushed down the toilet, without even resorting to PCBs and DDT.

And I’m quite sure that the transgendered community has heard the insults of some of their neighbours crying “Unnatural”. Look at that article again. The normal male fish have eggs. Natural female hormones might have turned them more female. Maybe more exposure will turn them all the way to female. Nature is strange. Is it surprising that the creatures of nature are strange?

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Free Fall Vomit

Posted on 3 October 2012 by Larry Russwurm

Space sickness is said to effect 45% of all astronauts in zero gravity. Symptoms can last 3 days and included with the nausea, vomiting can result. Indeed the zero gravity simulation of making a plane fly in parabolas, mimicking weightlessness is called the Vomit Comet.

Which got me to wondering. Is skydiving, before you open your chute, free fall? I believe it is and a zero gravity environment should be much the same. So shouldn’t some skydivers vomit before their chute is deployed, due to space sickness?

I was ready to pronounce this to be so, so I checked the Internet and found this question and its answer at the link. Apparently because the speed of the airplane is 90 mph in a forwards direction, terminal velocity is only 30 mph faster. Apparently you don’t get sick because of this.

A helicopter hovering above the ground is supposed to be a whole new kettle of fish, according to this article. Before reaching terminal velocity it should be like a roller coaster or free falling. There is thus a greater chance for vomit.

So why do I care about this so much? Well I’ve daydreamed about falling off a large building or bridge before and thought your last few seconds might be cool. If you forget about your bad predicament you can maybe set a pen spinning (like Howard did in The Big Bang Theory season opener) and floating next to you for a few seconds. You’re dead but the world might give you this last hurrah.

But now I find out that you might be nauseated and vomit and thus pollute your final living environment on Earth. I guess in all the years of scraping bodies off of sidewalks, no one noticed that vomit was mixed in with the rest of the mess. Things like urine and feces would probably be released along with all the blood and flattening body parts.

So now, when I think about romantic or interesting ways to die, I’ll think more of drinking antifreeze (it’s supposed to taste good) and lethal injections (hey it’s a drug and might rock your world for a bit). Bye bye falling from a great height.

Finally the skydiver who plans to break the speed of sound early next week, might triumphantly plummet to the ground in a controlled way. However if he vomits in his helmet, it might seem more like a test of character than a triumph.

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Country, You Rock

Posted on 29 September 2012 by Larry Russwurm

I’ve heard a country music song use the word rock in its lyrics before. Not as the stone, not as the motion but as the compliment, like in the phrase, “You rock!”

I’m fairly certain the compliment definition of rock came directly from the music form. Because, as well, the phrase “rock and roll” has positive connotations in English.

So when I saw this recent Dwight Yoakam song entitled “Rock It All Away”, I had to see if the word “rock” was meant as the compliment. I can’t help it, I find it humourous when country up sells rock because these two music forms are usually in competition with each other.

Now I still haven’t played the song enough to uncover the lyrics and their intent. But there is a literal reason the word “rock” in the title is funny. As someone in the comments section of Youtube was so kind to point out, this song sounds very much like the rock song “Crimson and Clover” by Tommy James and the Shondells or even the ’80s cover by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts.

Now my brother Lance used to regularly perform as a country artist and he had some insight into its relationship with rock music. I remember in the eighties he mentioned that he thought the styles in country music were 15 years behind the styles in rock music.

That simple relationship might not hold anymore. This Yoakam song is out well over 15 years after the ’69 release of Crimson and Clover or even the ’83 cover. However, the problem might simply be that Dwight Yoakam has had a decades long career in country music. His first recordings came out in the mid ’80s which is roughly 15 years after Crimson and Clover did.

So anyways, country music, you rock! That is 15 years after rock rocks.

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