Entitled Alanis

If you hadn’t heard, Alanis Morissette wrote the song Ironic in 1995 and despite its mega success, had the definition of ironic wrong. At least I think she did. My dictionary defines irony ( it doesn’t have a separate place for ironic) as an event or result that is the opposite of what is expected.

So, when Morissette says that ironic is “like rain on your wedding day” she is wrong because rain on your wedding day can be expected.

So here I am, a white knight here to rescue poor Alanis’s song. But let me get one thing straight – I am fundamentally lazy so I hope to make the rescue with one word. A three syllable word that will replace ironic in Morissette’s song and hopefully meet all the conditions set forth by the song.

“Curious” is the first word I will attempt to replace ironic with. I’m asking you, dear reader, to get the song and play it. Trust me, if you are not personally familiar with the song, it’s in your parent’s or older sibling’s collection or someone you know. The album “Jagged Little Pill” that spawned it, is, I believe, the best selling album by a female artist.

Now that you can replace the lyric “ironic” with “curious”, I hope to get you to vote on it. That’s right I have other substitutes and would like to hear from you if you have even better substitutes.

Judging from what Alanis has offered with her lyrics, I suspect “frustrating” or “annoying” might be an adequate lyric instead of “ironic”.

“Demented” is also a possibility, I just worry that this offers a slant she never wished for.

Finally, I finish up with “Unexpected”. I don’t expect this will fly. Firstly it is a four syllable word, but I notice that I can voice it and keep the integrity of the song. Although I suspect this is the definition that Alanis may have been writing to, “rain on your wedding day” still doesn’t work because rain is still foreseeable.

I offer up all these substitutes knowing that ironic could still work. That is if Alanis is so extremely entitled she is virtually the most entitled human being on the planet.

Look, if she is extremely entitled, the weather could revolve around her, and thus, finally, rain on her wedding day could be unexpected.

Let’s see if other parts of the song work, assuming this extremely entitled Alanis and how that effects the definition of ironic. “An old man turns 98, he won the lottery and dies the next day.”

Miss entitled Alanis has just heard of this 98 year old. But that is sufficient for the 98 year old to last 2 or more days – after all poor Alanis has had time to form a small attachment.. So thus the death becomes the opposite of what one should expect.

“A traffic jam when you’re already late.” Of course entitled Alanis only has one thing go wrong at a time so this is the opposite of what one would expect and ironic. Entitled Alanis seems to win every time.

Still I’ve listened to the song again and am going to put my vote in for “demented”. Deep down I must think that even Alanis Morissette isn’t that entitled.