Why Cats Don’t Rule the World – Yet

What follows are the reasons that cats have not become our overlords yet. Despite what they might think.

1)They stealthily stalk new people, but instead of pouncing on them, cats sniff their feet. Sorry cats, but that’s not really regal.

2)To cats, change in the environment is so distracting they can’t focus on anything else. Rulers can’t afford the luxury of sniffing, licking and marking things with their cheek glands every time something is moved slightly.

3)With only the exception of kittens, Cats tend to kill everything that is smaller than themselves. Given the power, cats would kill EVERYTHING smaller than themselves thus ruining all Earth’s ecosystems. And you think men are doing a good job of destabilizing the environment.

4)Cats do a good job of imitating royalty by making men pick up and remove their $#!+ and urine. However some cats have shown they can be trained into using the toilet. Some even flush it. With such extreme backsliding cats aren’t as imperial as they once were.

5)Cats ruin their would be royal palate by licking their @$$es. And everyone knows that fine gastronomical tastes help define any would be upper class.

6)They ruin our estimation of their intellect by only vocalizing one word.

7)They don’t demand access to all of the great outdoors, as long as they have a window to sun in.

8)It’s hard to strike fear in the hearts of underlings when all cats are known to be deathly afraid of the common vacuum cleaner.

And finally,

9)They sold out that right eons ago all for the ability to get fish, some string to play with and for a bit of petting.

About Larry Russwurm

Just another ranter on the Internet
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