Elastigirl – Va Va Voom

Elastigirl of The Incredibles is my pick for the hottest female fictional or otherwise.

If you are thinking “Why her? Aren’t real women hotter?” I would once have agreed with you. I saw The Incredibles years ago and didn’t realize till just recently why Elastigirl is so hot.

Her depiction in the Incredibles is probably the image that her husband wants. But she’s elastic and according to the official sites about her she can become as thin as 1 mm or stretch to 100 ft. (I’m aware of the incongruence in units).

If she can take any form according to those given conditions, she can also take the form of any woman living or dead.

I hadn’t realized the full consequences until the other day when I began taking the notion of shape shifters more seriously. Indeed I realized her potential after finding out that the shape shifter in Terminator 3 made her breasts larger in order to seduce a police officer. Now I still haven’t seen that movie so thank you Internet.

Any breasts. Any body. Any face. Imagine being the lover of Elastigirl. “I’ve got a hankering for Scarlett Johansson tonight,” you could say and if Elastigirl was in a good mood you might get her to appear exactly like Scarlett Johansson. Or Jessica Alba. Or Megan Fox. Etc.

“You’re every woman in the world to me,” goes the Air Supply song. If Elastigirl were your lover she could easily be that.

Here was recent negative Barbie propaganda from O Magazine. Check the link and the real model with a Barbie’s outline inked on top. Barbie may have an impossible physique and face structure, but it’s not impossible for Elastigirl to copy the form.

Elastigirl could take other “impossible” forms. She could do her Jessica Rabbit. Maybe a Miss Piggy. Leela the cyclops could be done. C’mell the girly girl cat/human. Or a simple four breasted alien female. You get the idea, use your imagination.

There are a couple disadvantages. Firstly I bet Elastigirl’s total substance would probably stay constant. So if you like tall, heavier women you can’t also have your Elastigirl be skinny and short. But I am willing to forgive this disadvantage.

The other disadvantage? Your Elastigirl wouldn’t have the colouring of every woman in the world. Favourite colourings could be negotiated. Maybe one constant colouring would do or on a monthly basis colourings could be changed.

Pregnancy could be easy if it comes to it. Elastigirl could hide it or her lover might like her lumpy. And for someone who can stretch or deform any part of her body, she should have it easy when in labour.

Really there is only one problem with all this. Elastigirl might want someone who could somehow be every man in the world to her. Like Plastic Man, Elongated Man or Mr. Fantastic. Someone who could have any face or body or look like different fictional men. So even if shape shifters could be real, you and myself might have no chance with one. Ah well, it can remain a crush.

About Larry Russwurm

Just another ranter on the Internet
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