Vlad the Neck Biter

Because of the huge market for Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Vlad the Impaler got so entwined in vampire lore that I’ve seen more than one book about monsters and vampires begin the section with the aforementioned Vlad. Dracula was an inherited name of Vlad the Impaler.

The only link between Vlad the Impaler and vampires is that both like to kill people. Very few would argue with the simple truth that vampires are all about the method with which they kill people. Vampires bite the neck of their human prey and suck the blood out for sustenance.

Vlad the Impaler obviously liked killing people in a different way. Else he would be called Vlad the Neck Biter. He would have people ruthlessly killed by impaling them. In no way did he get sustenance from his prey. In no way did he have any of the benefits of being a vampire (almost immortality and great strength). But he also had none of the drawbacks either (no one said he fled the sun or abhorred garlic).

So are we just willy nilly handing out the position of proto vampire to those with extreme bloodlust?

I dare say that we can trace Blacula just as rigorously back to that treacherous Ugandan dictator Idi Amin. Amin took power in 1971 and Blacula appeared in 1972. Maybe Uganda could become almost as popular a destination for those entranced by monsters as Transylvania is.

Shouldn’t all murderous dictators spawn their own vampire then? The Hitler vampire can haunt Austria and Germany. The Stalin Vampire can haunt the old soviet bloc of Russia and its neighbours. The Mao vampire can feed off the Chinese. Instead of being embarrassed by their past, these countries can profit off new tourism as well as make money off of strong futures in the wooden stake market.

The wild west of the US was supposed to be inhabited less by quick drawing men and more by men who got the drop on their enemy first. For every leading gunfighter, there could be a vampire spawned by the bloodlust. Vampire Jesse James and Billy the Vampire would be just two among many. The lawlessness would seem to be unending. The sheriff would of necessity be seceded by a vampire slayer.

Pirate spawn: Arr, I want to bite your neck. Supervillain spawn would be robbing banks as a front so people wouldn’t realize they were killing for food. All monsters would spawn vampires. Like werewolves and Frankensteins, mummies and zombies. Maybe sharks and some of the earth’s more fearsome creatures would spawn kids that would grow massive canines and become neck biters.

As with Vlad the Impaler, the only credential needed would be bloodlust.

About Larry Russwurm

Just another ranter on the Internet
This entry was posted in Geography, History, Humour, Politics and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Vlad the Neck Biter

  1. Pingback: Yearly Roundup – 2013 | The Many Rants of Larry Russwurm

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *