The Wettening

Ellen Degeneres usually ends her shows with the line “Be kind to one another”. And indeed, many times her actions show that she tries to follow this advice. Very regularly she gets companies to give thousands of dollars away to deserving Ellen viewers. And with her Christmas giveaway shows she has filled the vacuum Oprah left on the major networks.

 

But Ellen has one character flaw that is definitely not being “kind to one another”. She likes to scare people and then film it so all her viewers can see.

 

I know what you are thinking. Most of her targets have with luck or talent become famous. A little fear in their lives might keep them humble. I submit that celebs are people, too. Their feelings must also be taken into account.

 

Take repeat victim Taylor Swift. I would not doubt if she is now suffering from post traumatic stress disorder or PTSD. She has been scared in the bathroom and the haunted hallway, and these are just the shows that I’ve happened to catch. I wouldn’t doubt it if you said the name “Ellen” around her that Taylor has scary flashbacks.

 

And just this year, Ellen happened to notice that two of her employees were especially nervous types. Andy and Amy were ordered to go through a haunted house together. Obviously frightened, Andy repeatedly put Amy between himself and whatever scared him. Wanting more fear, Ellen ordered Andy and Amy to go through another haunted house that was purported to be even scarier. Ellen did the ordering on film, and I could just tell that Andy was thinking that now might not be a good time to get a different job. Maybe he agreed knowing that there would be footage of his ordeal that could prove the cause of his PTSD and thus lead to treatment. The pair got scared again.

 

Finally, many times Ellen has dressed monstrously and hidden in the bathroom stall of her victims. When they innocently enter, she lunges at them and makes a noise. Now, these victims have to go to the bathroom. Does the phrase, “scared $#!+less” mean nothing to her? Or how about “scared the piss right out of me”? I bet someone has had an accident already, thus my title. Is anyone surprised that Ellen sells underwear?

 

About Larry Russwurm

Just another ranter on the Internet
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