The Gayist Post

Take a look at the following three words and focus on the one that doesn’t belong: Racist; Sexist; Homophobic. All three are labels to attach to someone who is prejudiced. Not only is homophobic much longer and less succinct, it is a rare instance when the bigot is afraid of his target, like the phobic part implies.

 

So I am going to suggest we start calling sexual orientation bigots (you guessed it from the title): gayists. As in “You are gayist.”

 

Now since I’m coining a new word, I’d like to say how this part of speech must be used in English. For instance I would ban the use of any indefinite articles, be they ‘a’ or ‘an’ with this word. Only the definite article ‘the’ can be used. As in, “Is he the gayist?” “Yes he is the gayist.”

 

Now some confusion might happen in ordinary usage. I might say, “John is the gayist.” But you obstinantly say “Jen is the gayist.” Now how can they both be the gayist? Quite calmly we can come to the agreement that “Both are the gayist.”

 

It is also quite correct to label gayists as part of a group. As in “He is the gayist of the jocks”, “She is the gayist of the Republicans”, or “He is the gayist pastor”.

 

Probably the most harmful gayist in the public eye are those repressed souls who spend years coming down on homosexuals. Sometime into their political career they are found (through a sex scandal) to actually be gay themselves. We reserve for these individuals the title of “Gayist of the gay.”

About Larry Russwurm

Just another ranter on the Internet
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