Ann N. Maus, just an ordinary citizen from Regina, was shocked yesterday to find a mysterious white substance inside the envelope that had been mailed to her from the prime minister. As an ordinary citizen she unsuspectingly got the powder on her skin.
Her and all the mail sorters and carriers associated with it still await final testing to find out what the substance is. So far anthrax and other known killing agents have been ruled out. Some suspect from the texture that it is nothing more than simple icing sugar but more testing needs to be done.
When asked for comment the prime minister quipped, “It was mailed April 1st so April…”
The hushed crowd of reporters seemed to weigh on the prime minister’s mind right that instant.
Changing course the prime minister called, “Alright, whose turn is it to take the fall for this one?”
This follows a mailing of a similar suspicious white powder that came from the president of the CBC. The victim in that act hasn’t been seen since all the tests came back negative for killing agents from that package, too. The victim’s last public act was to snort the cleared contents then smile and say “Oh yeah, the president of the CBC!” Laughing and chortling he ran away almost as if on a bender.
The official statement from the RCMP investigative branch states, “We now suspect it was cocaine. It’s just that the victim’s nose was like a vacuum cleaner and we don’t have even traces of powder to test further.”
Unlike the incident involving the prime minister, the letter from the president of the CBC actually arrived on April 1st. The contents of the writing inside both letters are not being divulged. RCMP expect to trip up or clear the prime minister and president of the CBC with those words. My money is that they will somehow clear both perpetrators.