The Patron Saint of Alberta

It will come as no surprise to Canadians that St. Albert is the patron saint of the province of Alberta. And today, March 28, is his official yet unofficial day of celebration.

Some of you may know the story, about how he and his many assistants both historical and living now drove the rats out of Alberta. Some poopoo this accomplishment, saying that the harsh winters are the primary drivers of this novelty. True. But with continued immigration and the gall of the gods to have made Alberta totally landlocked, it becomes necessary to help police this circumstance. So today, rats continue to be driven out of Alberta by the government.

Some say St. Albert anticipated this circumstance and passed on what he knew about government to the citizens of Alberta. It is said that he found all manner of politicians to be negative creatures. And some Albertan political parties have ‘con’ right in their name, like the Conservatives and Progressive Conservatives. St. Albert believed that having these parties in power created a powerful double negative, which is of course a positive, and thus Albertans overwhelmingly support their Conservative and Progressive Conservative governments.

Albertans have a special drink to honour their saint on this, his day. That drink is flammable water, which comes about in some processes of extracting petrochemicals from the earth. So whether that flammable water is laced with kerosene or gasoline or natural gas, Albertans like to light a glass and then down a pint in memory of St. Albert.

Celebrants of St. Albert’s day also like to wear at least one article of clothing that is the colour black. This of course honours the province of Alberta which is known for its oil and its burnt or over barbecued beef.

Some Albertans will deny all of this which I have told you. These Albertans are known to have kissed the Baloney Stone also known as the Sham Rock. These Albertans in particular are quite intent on spreading their lies. But those of us in the know will have none of it. St. Albert will have his day and that is today.

About Larry Russwurm

Just another ranter on the Internet
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