Superhero Tryouts: The Flying Squirrel

“Let’s get right to the point Flying Squirrel. Just what are your powers?” asked Mother Earth unsure of the costumed man in front of her with webbing between the legs and under his arms.

“I’m not sure if I have powers so much as I am skilled in a variety of ways.”

“Well explain your skills.”

“Firstly I am a BASE jumper. That’s when skilled skydivers jump off of still footings like a tall Building, a high Antenna, a big Span (or bridge) or very high Earth (like a cliff). Then they successfully open their parachutes on time so as not to kill themselves.”

“How does that stop criminals?”

“I am excellent at aiming the parachute. I could easily land on and kick the criminals.”

“But they’ll see you coming and get like 20 shots at you before you land.”

“Alright. Well maybe I could land in a walled compound and thus let my superhero friends inside.”

“Well that at least has some usefulness. How low of a building can you jump from in order to land safely?”

“Caution dictates that I should leap off 30 floor and higher buildings. There are many of them in The Big Smoke.”

“Do you have more useful skills?”

“Well I can pick almost any lock in seconds.”

“Where did you learn that?”

“A lot of BASE jumpers can. It’s rare that a tall Building or Antenna will allow you to jump off of it. The owners worry about being held responsible for a death. Even with a successful jump they will throw you under the ‘no trespassing’ bus.

“Well I’m glad to see you might understand the vigilante superhero game. Is that your official Flying Squirrel suit?” It had the man’s mouth exposed but the rest was made to look like an actual flying squirrel. There were flaps under the arms to look like wings or webbing and one flap between the legs which had the image of a bushy tail.

“Yes, but I won’t use it for just BASE jumping. I just use a mask for BASE jumping. In actuality it is a wingsuit. With it I can fly 3 feet for every foot I drop. That’s my third and final skill.”

“Now that would be a speedy way to knock down a criminal.”

“It’s not like that. Once I get low enough I use the parachute to get to the ground again.”

“We’ll think about using you sometimes. But really don’t call us. We’ll call you.”

They left each other on that annoyed note. But all was not lost, Mother Earth realized with a smile. BASE jumpers were the cooler, badder element of skydivers. Seeing Flying Squirrel want so much to be a superhero just meant that superheros were cooler than BASE jumpers.

About Larry Russwurm

Just another ranter on the Internet
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