We’ve all heard about dogs being trained to sniff out Covid 19. But these dogs aren’t quite 100 % accurate. I say we bring out another animal whose very survival depends on its sense of smell. I say we bring out the dog’s cousin, the wolf.
It makes sense to use wolves, but, wouldn’t they need a handler and go between to cull and quarantine the newfound Covid patients? Well not only can the wolves be trained to do that, but they can do it in such a way that it’s a guarantee no one else can catch Covid from the patients it has sniffed out. That’s right, the wolves can kill each Covid carrier they find thus ensuring all three points are carried out.
You may think it’s harsh killing the Covid 19 patients instead of treating them. So I bet the only way we’ll be able to make it so is by lying and saying there’s a new variant, the omega variant, that is taking over and everyone who gets Covid 19 now dies from it.
Then we can put a public service announcement on television. Saying something like: “These are our public service employees that help out in the community. The mailman delivers your neighbourhood’s mail. The policeman protects your neighbourhood from crime. The pack of Covid wolves protects your neighbourhood from the scourge of Covid 19.”
There is, alas, one flaw with this program. Like dogs and cats, wolves are likely to contract Covid from their victims. So we’ll need someone brave enough to sniff out the Covid 19 infected wolves. I say we use werewolves for this job.
When they’re in their wolf phase, these people will likely be able to smell as well as wolves. Not only that, but when they are in the human phase of their cycle, they can get double vaccinated like most intelligent people have. So these werewolves, when they kill each Covid 19 infected wolf, will have a lot of protection.
Just not perfect protection. So, alas, there needs to be a final layer. A werewolf hunter with silver bullets can hunt and kill infected werewolves. And keep socially distant. It’s just that human hunters of werewolves have horrible senses of smells and are unlikely to detect Covid 19 by scent.
So the werewolf hunters would enlist the help of something that can smell really well. Perhaps a fleet footed pig. Pigs have wonderful senses of smell and I bet they too could be made to recognize the smell of Covid 19.
So the pig would sniff out each werewolf and then run like hell. The werewolf hunter would ignore them all except when the pig made the correct squeal of Covid positivity. Then he would shoot that werewolf with a silver bullet.
So there we have it, a perfect plan to get us out of Covid. And at long last a little piggy was able to get revenge on a wolf that may or may not have blown its house down.