Well Trained Caterpillars

Lately I’ve been aware of what I think of as “actor eyebrows”. These are usually longer brows than most, a bit thicker, but most importantly the owner has such complete control over them that they can bend into strange and bizarre positions.

Some actors I think of as having these eyebrows are James Dean, Mandy Moore, Eugene Levy and Drew Barrymore. For Drew, she is from an actor family and I think that perhaps those eyebrows were passed down in the family from actor to actor. So perhaps the actor eyebrow is genetic.

I, for instance, can’t even be considered to be an actor because I can’t make my eyebrows move the way that these people can. I have three eyebrow expressions. The first is the quizzical raising of my one eyebrow. When I try to raise my other eyebrow, I get a sort of puzzled expression. And lastly I can raise both eyebrows.

I’ve tried moving my eyebrows how these pros do it and I just can’t manage it. I’m thinking that it is likely that there are many others like me. Those who wouldn’t be considered for acting jobs because we don’t have actor eyebrows.

It seems to me these eyebrows are highly prized because they can go into all sorts of positions that normal eyebrows can’t. These “new” positions can be said to emote any emotion that the director is trying to emote. Since humanity can’t universally put their eyebrows in these positions, we can ascribe to these positions any emotions we want. And that is the power of the actor eyebrows.

To be thought of as a great actor, I’m just going to have to wait until they have well trained caterpillars that can attach to my face, over my eyebrows and wiggle into any position that is necessary. Finally with these fake eyebrows I might be considered to be a great actor one day.

Maybe I’ll be able to make my brows go into such strange positions that I could get a job unique to me. Kind of how Elizabeth Montgomery could wiggle her nose on the show Bewitched, and that became the signal that she was using magic.

About Larry Russwurm

Just another ranter on the Internet
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