Queen Elizabeth Now Available as a Doll

Mattel has made a likeness of the 96 year old monarch into a Barbie-like doll for the Queen’s platinum jubilee. I’ve got to order me this doll for all the fun I’d like to have with it.

Now I’m assuming the Queen’s body, underneath her dowdy outfit, is going to be exactly the same or similar to a Barbie doll. But there is only one way to determine that for sure. I must take off all her clothes. Will Mattel have made her body as wrinkled and as affected by gravity in real life or will they just swap in Barbie’s body?

I bet they will have just swapped in Barbie’s body. As such, I’m expecting that after birthing four royal children, her genitals fell off leaving that smooth Barbie style. As well, breast feeding four royal and thus spoiled children is likely to have caused her nipples to have disappeared. More reason for the Barbie smoothness.

The Queen has been alone now for quite a while and could use a new love interest. As such I can buy her a GI Joe doll and she can have fun once again. Now Joe has served overseas so he might have some ideas about what he would like to try with any new love interest.

Again, I’m assuming that Joe and the Queen are very much like your average Barbie and cannot move their knees and elbows. Still, I imagine they’ll have fun trying out the positions they can manage from the Kama Sutra. Expect somehow for their sex tape to make it on the internet. Of course it will be instructional and educational about the Kama Sutra.

But really, I would like the whole set of the royals. The Queen and all her descendants over the age of 18. Then I can find a miniature guillotine – it need not have a sharp blade. Then I can put a basket in front of it with the heads that I popped off of the Queen, Prince Charles, Camilla, etc. We can shake the basket to reveal Kate, William, Eugenie, Andrew, etc.

I must say I’m torn. Whether we include Harry and Megan is debatable. If they are truly surviving without using anyone’s taxes, I say good for them and would exclude them from my basket full o’ heads. But if they are, we could have the complete bloodline, and you know how collectors are about having a complete set.

All this was possible because of Mattel and the Queen. Such laudable play ideas they have given me.

About Larry Russwurm

Just another ranter on the Internet
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