In the post All Psychologists are Lazy, I took umbrage with the state of birth order theory. I especially disliked that theory which stated 5th born children are the same as 1st born children and 6th born children are the same as 2nd born children. This cycle seemed lazy to me and I doubted the cycle because I am a 6th born and see few connections between me and my 2nd born sibling.
But now I’ve had time to really think about it and think I have devised a new birth order theory which I think is improved, mainly because it is even lazier than any previous birth order theories.
1st Born Children:
These children are known for being middling to extremely independent. They are colourful, included in their midst are children with all skin colours, hair and eye colouring. Many times they are the chumps of the sibling world. Reckless risk takers, parents often have to keep them on a short leash.
As well, 1st born children are cautious wallflowers whose parents often have to give them a little nudge. Often they are the champs of the sibling world. Their personalities occur in a broad spectrum from gregarious to self isolating. They are known for being middling to extremely dependent.
2nd Born Children:
Here is where the beauty of my system kicks in. Instead of waiting till the 5th born child to start a cycle, 2nd born children are the same as 1st born children. The cycle starts this early and is thus much easier on the brain of the student of birth order.
3rd Born Children:
Same as 2nd born children.
4th Born Children:
Same as 3rd born children.
5th Born Children:
In this beautiful theory I have managed to preserve the original cycle. 5th born children are the same as 1st born children.
6th Born Children:
They are the same as 2nd born children.
You can see the pattern, now, so I’ll stop and just say that only children are the same as 1st born children because, of course 1st born children lived part of life as an only child.
Thank you for hearing my little theory. Maybe one day cooler heads will prevail in psychology and they will acknowledge this theory as being at least as viable.
