5 Litres of Blood

I wouldn’t be at all surprised if the saying “Waste not, want not” is promoted by vampires, too. So when they find a victim I bet they drain the full 5 litres of blood that a fully grown human contains.

But think of that 5 litres. In Imperial units it is about 1.3 gallons. And it has to go somewhere before digestion so I bet that spot is the stomach. Think of what an extra 5 litres would do to a trim stomach. In Canada that is more than the large bag of milk that is common in stores. Imagine that strapped around a trim waist.

Vampires in the media are almost always portrayed as attractive and young looking with a lean figure. After feasting on one human, a female would look pregnant and a male would have what looks like a large beer belly. Of course this would go down as they digested. So if they feed every week, then by the 6^th and 7^th nights they would look like those trim vampires we always see in the media.

For there to be an inevitable love interest for the vampires, the lovers might only see each other once a week. This isn’t totally abnormal. When I was in university, one friend referred to a night of the week as “girlfriend night”. So let’s say a relationship like this could exist between a trim vampire and a human.

Now the rest of the week vampires could have a relationship with other lovers. On the 1^st and 2^nd night the vampire could have one girlfriend who isn’t embarrassed by her lover’s belly. The 3^Rd and 4^th night vampire could have a 3^rd lover and 5^th night vampire could have a 4^th lover. But for the purposes of this article, we’ll look at the trim 6^th and 7^th night vampire that appears to be the most fantasized about.

I bet the vampire would be getting hungry by the 6^th night. He could probably hold it together for the 6^th and most of the 7^th night. But late on the 7^th night he would probably be prowling for a potential victim. Indeed that may be the motivation to date on the 6^th and 7^th night. If he fails in hunting down the most dangerous game, he can abuse the trust of his lover and make her the victim of his lust for fresh blood.

So if you don’t mind a lover that is pudgy in the middle, you can probably have a safe relationship even if that person turns out to be a vampire. Just don’t insist on seeing them on the 7^th night. Allow them to stick with only one date night a week. You can safely see a different pudgy lover on night 3 and 4, a 3^rd pudgy lover on night 5 and different pudgy lover on night 6 and 7. Just hope that the media is right and relative immortals stay trim all their lives.

So let this be a lesson to you vampire fearing men and women out there. Pudgy lovers are the safest.