Nuke the Rain Forest

Is there a dangerous cure for global warming? The following article says there might be: A Small Nuclear War Would Stall Global Warming. They specifically say that 100 Hiroshima sized bombs would result in fires where mega tons of carbon would reach the upper troposphere. From there, it would heat up and rise to heights where it wouldn’t easily come down. In the shade of this carbon barrier, the Earth would cool.

The astute of you are wondering, now, if setting off a hundred nuclear bombs could do this without killing anyone. Since the first atomic bomb, 2000 nuclear bombs have been tested. And guess what? Global warming still happened.

I’m guessing that the majority of tests took place in deserts where little fire would result. But still, to get fires from nukes, wouldn’t it be possible to set off 100 nukes in forests to get the same results without killing anyone? Could nuking the rain forest help in controlling global warming?

But cities and forests are not the same thing at all. Perhaps nuking all those cities is necessary to stall global warming. I see one resource that uninhabited forests wouldn’t have: human virgins.

You see, according to demographics, cities should have many people young enough to be virgins. And wouldn’t it only be proper that a mega virgin sacrifice offered to the gods of climate would appease – er- stall global warming. We’ve come a long way.

Of course if we overdo it by a few bombs, the gods of radiation and habitability might kill the Earth. That’s the chance you take in this mega virgin sacrifice. There must be enough virgin sacrifices to appease, not enough to anger.