Back From the Fire

Mother Earth‘s image appeared on Near Absolute Hero‘s phone. To get his attention she tripped the Emergency Alert feature on it.

Reluctantly Near Absolute Hero answered it. “What do you want? I just got back and I am eating. I burned a lot of calories tonight.”

“I just want to congratulate you on a job well done. Saving that man and his cat from the eighth floor was impressive. Remember to thank me for your wings. And cooling key points in the fire really helped the firemen. Kudos.”

“Did someone film me?” Near Absolute Hero asked between bites of his food.

“I imagine someone managed to film parts. But really I got my info from the radios the fire department uses. Again, Kudos.”

Near Absolute Hero took a long swig of his iced tea. “Well you had it pegged from the start. I’m a natural superhero for fighting fires.” He returned to gulping his food down quickly.

“Well, you invented the cold gun. It’s not so good at getting criminals because you’d kill them if you froze their chest. But it works wonders on putting out hot spots and protecting things like propane tanks from explosions. The experimental winged exoskeleton I provided does save lives, too.”

Near Absolute Hero managed to take his last bites of food on his plate after Mother Earth was done speaking. He asked, “Do you want something in particular?”

Tail said you had some questions for me.”

“Can’t that wait till tomorrow when I’m all rested up?”

“Tail wouldn’t tell me exactly what it was. I’m dying of curiosity.”

Near Absolute Hero sighed. “Fine. I was talking to the captain after it was all over and he said we can tell what room the fire started in and that it seemed to be ignited a meter up the wall. He wasn’t sure but believed it was a methane ignition source. That fits in with the new arsonist that has started 5 different fires in the last month.”

“What does that have to do with me or even Tail?”

“The rest of Mother Earth Force has long discussed the man you unequivocally denied a spot on our team. Apparently you had him try out separately from the rest of us. A certain would be hero known as Flame Tosser.”

“Of course,” said Mother Earth. “I just looked it up. Methane is what burns in farts. Ha, ha. Did I tell you that he wouldn’t wear a cape! It would be in the way of his flames.”

“It’s not so funny anymore.”

“I’m just saving the Force from the horrible, horrible smell.”

“You can just see and hear so how would you know? And I bet you know exactly where he lives and can look up where he might have been when all 5 fires were set.”

“Good detective work, Near Absolute Hero. Do you want to go get him right now? Your power should be able to put out his flames.”

“I need sleep. I’ll get him tomorrow.”

“I’ll gather evidence till you’re ready, tomorrow.”

“Thank you.”

About Larry Russwurm

Just another ranter on the Internet
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