Who is the Toughest Driver of Them All?

Motorcyclists have the reputation of being tough. Idly, one day, I wondered if this were a true belief.

Firstly, I defined being tough with being the most invulnerable. So, yes, motorcyclists are tough when compared to bicyclists and pedestrians. But motorcyclists are wimpy when compared to even a Mini or Smart Car driver. The rest of cars are even tougher yet. And of course, motorcyclists are way less invulnerable or tough compared to a big rig truck. A small train or streetcar is way tougher. A long train even more so.

So if we take invulnerability to be the definition of toughness, the motorcyclist is sadly lacking. The train engineer would obviously be the toughest in this competition.

But it is brave to be out and about with trucks, cars, SUVs and even sometimes trains. So perhaps we can use bravery to be our definition of toughness. But motorcyclists drive around in leather jackets and big helmets. The bicyclist rides with a small helmet and no leather jacket. Surely the bicyclist is “tougher”? Not to mention, the bicyclist gets more exercise from riding.

Then there are pedestrians who have no helmets or leather jackets. Surely they are the bravest of all and thus the toughest. When it comes to bravery, the one I most fear is that pedestrian that jay walks, having looked both ways and decides to go, despite oncoming traffic, counting on the motor vehicles to stop in both directions. Yes the motor vehicles will have an encounter with the law if they don’t stop. But this seems like a very tenuous and small hold on those drivers.

This type of pedestrian is the “toughest” of all, when bravery is our pinnacle. Even more so when they are a little old lady who walks extremely slowly.

So if we are going to discover a way that motorcyclists are the toughest, we have to establish a definition that only they can win.

I hence posit that being the horniest driver is the definition of the toughest driver. Not only is the undercarriage of the said motorcycle driver being vibrated at all times while operating the motorcycle, but any passenger the motorcyclist has is going to have to hold on tightly to the driver in an almost intimate way. The only mode of transport that comes close, is horse back riding where you have to match rhythms with a horse. But this is more of a kink than a universal horniness.

There. Motorcyclists are the horniest drivers and therefore the toughest drivers. If you don’t like it then write your own piece where your preconceived beliefs are “proven” to be true.