Billionaires vs Billionaires

Posted on 3 July 2021 by Larry Russwurm

By now I bet we’ve all heard about the billionaire space race. Who is going to be the first billionaire into space? Well actually it’s more than that. Which billionaire will be first into space on their own company’s rocket?

First it looked like Jeff Bezos had this thing. He was the first billionaire to set a date. July 20th of this month he will be going up on his Blue Origin rocket.

Then Richard Branson couldn’t resist and announced he would go up on July 11 in his Virgin Galactic plane to rocket. It’s billionaire Branson vs. billionaire Bezos for best business.

But is this the best we can do? If we’re seriously going to have a billionaire vs. billionaire match-up, the competition that I most want to see (and therefore the world) is two billionaires battling head to head in a mixed martial arts event.

It would probably take a good six months for these highly motivated individuals to ready themselves for such a competition. But in the meantime hype would have reached almost every corner of the globe and at last we’d have our fight.

For two untried individuals the purse for such a fight would be huge. Perhaps in the hundreds of thousands of dollars. Or (say it with me now with your curled up hand in your face while your outstretched pinky touches the corner of your mouth) One. Million. Dollars.

It would definitely be worth these billionaires’ time to do this event. They could walk in with capes that had Blue Origin and Virgin Galactic pasted on. They could take them off and then fly them like a flag for the whole match.

Now that’s the kind of showmanship they used in the old days. It’s about time they got it right. I bet it would promote the projects of this pair better than anything.

And if a billionaire or two manages to get his teeth knocked out, that’s just the random event generator that is mixed martial arts.

Finally we would have the show that the public really wants. Bezos is younger and has that advantage, while Branson plays dirty in case you didn’t get that from his one upping of Bezos. The results are going to be spectacular.

Perhaps another billionaire could challenge Trump and we could have a billionaire series. Indeed every billionaire should be made to fight MMA style at least once. After all they keep telling us we live in a meritocracy. So perhaps billionaires could show a little merit.

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Did Disney Purchase Marvel for the Potential Lawsuits?

Posted on 26 June 2021 by Larry Russwurm

I don’t think that Marvel can sustain the success they’ve had at the box office for too much longer. Oh it’s not going to be a precipitous drop – just a slow and steady drop off after the Avengers peak. Which means that Disney might have paid too much for the franchise.

But if I know the mouse, they are thinking of other money making ventures with the property. They have money to retain lawyers so I am expecting lawsuits in the future. But where exactly?

I think they were pleased to have purchased Iron Man, because of the potential lawsuits over the name. You know, with those iron man competitions that they hold all over the world. Where you have to swim, bicycle and run large distances. Disney will want a cut.

And to a lesser extent, Disney will want a cut of Iron Man royalties from Black Sabbath’s famous song.

Also, Disney is waiting for missteps from the DC franchise, Shazam. That superhero was originally called Captain Marvel before DC sued the creators into non existence for Captain Marvel being too much like Superman.

While the Captain Marvel imprint was dead, Marvel Comics took the name and started their own Captain Marvel.

A few years later, DC paid for the rights of the original Captain Marvel and entitled it Shazam for the magic word that Billy Batson says to change into Captain Marvel. Like it or not, there are now two Captain Marvels. Disney lawyers are likely salivating at the chance to sue DC for the rights of naming someone Captain Marvel.

But isn’t the mouse a source for good in the world and would never file frivolous lawsuits? Apparently you haven’t heard of Disney trying to back out of paying copyright to certain science fiction authors for their original treatments of Star Wars books. They reason that they never agreed to the original licencing terms that George Lucas did so they own the property but don’t have to pay copyrights to the authors. You could say the mouse has become evil. How would it be if we denied Disney’s copyrights? Suddenly copyright rules would be important again.

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Nevada Teachers Should Wear Body Cameras

Posted on 19 June 2021 by Larry Russwurm

A group in Nevada has suggested that teachers wear body cameras so they won’t “push politics” on their unsuspecting audience. This is a thinly veiled attempt to ban critical race theory from being taught in the classroom.

I say, fine, go right ahead. As long as the teachers have the same rights as cops with regards to their body cameras. Which could mean at any critical juncture, the body camera might be turned off. And teachers need to be able to turn body cameras off because they might go to the bathroom at anytime.

Also, big brother, or simply a half decent hacker, would now be able to watch your unsuspecting kids at any juncture. Yes it’s true. Nevada kids are more precious than those elsewhere in the country. Why not show them off?

The police in my jurisdiction heard the call to defund the police that we’ve gotten used to hearing over the last year or two. Their solution was to put in place a system of body cameras. So we are now funding the police much better than we have ever funded them.

Police are still responsible for wellness checks. They still bring in those on mental health forms. They still do everything exactly the same except they might use body cameras. Which just goes to show you that the police don’t understand the meaning of basic words. Like defund. So how can we believe their reports? Just a fun question to leave you with.

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Food Circulatory System

Posted on 12 June 2021 by Larry Russwurm

Once upon a time Earth had no @$$holes. Well of course that’s true before life began on Earth. But it’s also true after multi cellular life had started on Earth. That time has gone now (obviously). What was responsible for this golden age? Why, the food circulatory system, of course, was literally responsible for there being no @$$holes.

That’s right. Food was circulated inside early life and eventually left again, out of the same mouth that took it in. I am unsure whether it just went straight down and sort of left by a “puking” mechanism, or if the digestive system went in a circle with the end of the circle being the same mouth that had eaten the food.

Anyhow it took life a long time to evolve the @$$hole from the food circulatory system so there was a golden age without @$$holes.

I bet you’re thinking that mmm mmm, creatures with the food circulatory system got to taste their food at the start and the end of the digestive process. Okay, perhaps this was a problem. You would need taste buds in your mouth to discern good food from poisonous food. Perhaps you could find a food whose taste was palatable on the way in and the way out. The only thing I can think of is very hot, spicy food. You know, the kind of pepper that burns on the way in and on the way out. And that would have been the diet of those with a food circulatory system.

But evolution just changes things. Sometimes these changes make the creatures more competitive. But other times it didn’t. There is nothing that says the food circulatory system was inferior. So aliens may never have changed from the food circulatory system. So they might call us the @$$holes from sector 8G. For both the insults we hurl at each other and the reality of our present digestive system.

Indeed these aliens may be inspecting the earth right now. In some circles it is well known that aliens like to do a lot of anal probing. Now we know why. They are most curious of those parts of the body they don’t have. Maybe they consider it a superior digestive system and wish to genetically engineer their own @$$holes just to compete with humans. Or maybe they are just curious.

Maybe they watch us and see how we kill off so much life that we don’t care about. Or maybe they see us stretching our biosphere to the max with climate change. Maybe they see how we still kill each other for war, imagined slights, or whatever reason. Maybe they think we are @$$holes by our own definition. A whole planet of @$$holes. Maybe they will ban contact because of this. Of course they don’t want to give us superior technology because we’ve found too many ways to kill with the technology we already have. Maybe we have become that planet of @$$holes.

And as with any @$$holes there might be quite a mess to clean up.

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More Pain, More Gain?

Posted on 5 June 2021 by Larry Russwurm

We’ve all heard the expression “no pain, no gain”. This is especially thrown around by weightlifters who like a little pain with their workouts as it usually means they will gain some muscle when their body can repair things.

But does more pain mean more gain? Well, aging means encountering more pain. And generally the oldest have encountered the most pain. In another general way, aging usually means that more wisdom is encountered along the way and that the older you are, the wiser you are. So more pain might mean more gain.

What about childbirth? That is supposed to be a universally painful experience for women. Do women become smarter than men because of it? That doesn’t have an obvious answer. Maybe they become more emotionally intelligent because of the birth. I’ve heard it said that women bond more with their children than men do. This might be their newfound emotional intelligence at work.

Childbirth also brings up painkillers. Do women that use an epidural for childbirth, become less emotionally intelligent than their sisters who had a more natural childbirth? That doesn’t seem to be the case, but it is interesting to think about.

And really doesn’t too much pain mean less gain? I’m talking about the nasty effects that go under the name post traumatic stress disorder. Much therapy is needed whenever PTSD comes into play. And all this therapy manages at best is to come close to your original baseline. So there is such a thing as too much pain for gain.

This might explain why those who seek pain aren’t necessarily doing the best. We’ve all heard of S&M play and this might explain why the participants are not doing better than the rest of us. So again there is a disconnect when there is too much pain involved.

But is it possible to endure just enough pain, on a regular basis, to keep on improving?

I would like to offer up James Bond as an example. Like all spies, the risk of torture is always around. And Bond has been captured a lot. Which means he has been tortured a lot for the information he holds. Since this pain hasn’t led to obvious PTSD, I think he can be held out as an example. But what has been the gain for Bond?

It’s obvious that he has become almost superhuman. He has endured ridiculous chases and fights that would defeat a lesser man and yet he still keeps going. He has figured out ways to bring down the most carefully hatched plans of the greatest villains. Really, he is a minor superhero.

So, within reason, I think more pain means more gain.

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The Underground Railroad

Posted on 29 May 2021 by Larry Russwurm

“Uncle Ron,” said 7 year old Ivy, “Do you know what the Underground Railroad was?”

“You mean is. It still exists but doesn’t go by it’s formal name anymore.”

“Quit it Uncle Ron. My teacher said it no longer exists. Since they stopped slavery.”

“Oh it does exist. In many cities. Perhaps you know it by it’s slang name: the Subway.”

“You’re making things up!”

“Am not. A subway is an underground railroad. By definition.”

“The Underground Railroad. For escaping slaves.”

Uncle Ron screwed up his face for a moment before beginning again.

“I see. So you think that slavery no longer exists. Can you explain to me what a farmers market is?”

“That’s where farmers sell the food they’ve grown. A farmer’s market.”

“No. I said farmers market. Without the apostrophe. That’s the place where they sell farmers. Haven’t you heard that farmers work for peanuts? Well they literally do. They grow peanuts to feed themselves and the ones that are left over are sold in grocery stores. The grocery conglomerates get the money.”

“No!” Exclaimed Ivy quite sure of herself.

“Where do you think the government goes when they’ve got a bone to pick with Vietnam or North Korea or Nazi Germany?”

“I don’t know.” said Ivy.

“They go to the general store to buy a general. And the really good generals cost a lot of money. That’s why countries usually end up in debt after a war. They spent so much money on generals.”

“I don’t think that a general store exists.” said Ivy.

“Well they used to. That’s something else your teacher could teach you. Then there’s the smallest market of all. The Flea market. Do you know what they sell there?

“They don’t sell fleas. And you can’t make fleas into slaves. They won’t understand.”

‘You’re right. They don’t sell fleas. They sell Flea. The bassist for the Red Hot Chili Peppers. And they only sold him once. To his band. He was worth a lot of money. So much in fact that the owner of the Flea market went into retirement when Flea was sold.”

Ivy stood arms akimbo and then pointed at herself. “I’ve been to the flea market. A few times. It has a bunch of mini stores in a big building. No bassist.”

Uncle Ron laughed. “Well maybe I’m wrong about the flea market. But I’m right about the other two.”

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Perfect Pitch

Posted on 22 May 2021 by Larry Russwurm

“I want you two to hear my latest musical fave,” I said to Mr. And Mrs. Tunic.

I began playing Heat Above. Keyboards started the song. “It’s Greta Van Fleet. Their latest song. It doesn’t sound like Led Zeppelin but it’s good just the same.”

Drums came on and that led to guitars, where rather obviously, Mrs. Tunic’s face fell flat. Then she spoke, “I can’t listen to this music. It has screeching guitars.”

“What’s wrong with that?” I asked rather innocently.

“I have perfect pitch. Guitars are almost never tuned fully and completely. And even when they are, the strings have to be bent to change notes and that makes the notes off from perfect even further. It’s very irritating when you have perfect pitch like myself.”

Not knowing what to do with my music being insulted in this way, I just let the music play some more. I thought to myself if it’s that irritating she will just leave.

Mr Tunic spoke up. “And I have perfect time which is irritated by guitar music as well.”

“How so?” I asked, stunned that there are two afflictions that are irritated by the simple guitar.

“Guitarists seem to think that they strike the chord notes at the same time. But it’s not instantaneous. They may be correct at the first note hit, but the rest of the chord is off from the time of the song. This bothers me to no end. At least when music uses arpeggios, they bother to keep the time correct. Not so in strumming. It bothers me.”

It was at this point that I started to think about the third basic parameter of music, other than pitch and time.

“And my husband has perfect timing as well,” said Mrs, Tunic. “He knows when to back up his lady.” The pair then broke into a kiss.

I waited for them to finish then said. “And I have perfect volume.”

Mr. Tunic started, “That’s not a thi-”

“That’s where I slowly increase the volume of my music until it reaches that perfect volume that drives away pretentious A-holes.” I slowly turned up the music.

They took a minute to gauge what was going on. Then, “Fine, fine,” said the couple and left the room.

And that’s how I found the perfect volume for Heat Above. Now I only play it at that volume.

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The Ontario Whale

Posted on 15 May 2021 by Larry Russwurm

Take a look at this drawing of Ontario. Doesn’t it look a bit like a whale. Lake Nipigon is it’s large almost cartoonish eye. Perhaps the western part looks too angular to be a head but squint your eyes and you will see it like I do. Then Southern Ontario becomes its tail.

It mostly makes sense, too. What other beast would you use to describe Ontario which has a full one third of all Canadians? It is the massive whale of the country. And the part that propels it along is the tail. And indeed Southern Ontario has the massive population to propel this rather large beast along.

Negative Nellies in Northern Ontario might say that Southern Ontario is the $#!++!&$+ part of the province. But that only strengthens the position of Ontario being a whale.

Naysayers might postulate that Ontario is just a fish with its tail being broad in the same plane as the head. I say it is a whale, just that it is twisted and accidentally looks like a fish from this 2-D view.

What about the Southwestern Ontario elephant? Well it is still partly visible, even in this primitive sketch. Perhaps the Ontario whale swallowed this smaller beast long ago and it is now mostly in its tail region.

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Practice Makes Perfect

Posted on 8 May 2021 by Larry Russwurm

We’ve all heard the saying practice makes perfect. And we all mulled on it for a few seconds and thought well that makes sense. But have we elevated the saying to be the prime directive of sports? Why no we haven’t. This site believes that we should.

Let’s take 5 pin bowling. A so called perfect game is 12 strikes in a row. Only 12 shots. Whereas a person that gets no strikes or spares takes 30 shots. Obviously the person with no strikes or spares gets the most practice. If practice makes perfect, we must somehow elevate them to be the winner. We can’t have the bowler with the least practice winning the game with their show off 450 points. So I suggest we do something different.

The person that gets the most shots is ranked highest. So thirty shots with no strikes or spares is the best. After that we decide by the most points. The best you can do with thirty shots is get 150 points. So after calculating the most shots, then the closest to 150 points, wins.

The bonus of this new bowling is finally I will be able to compete with some of the best bowlers at this game. I suspect they will grandstand and throw two gutter balls each frame so the third has to be a strike. I’ll just plod along and hope I can get close to 150.

With practice makes perfect being the prime directive, games with a goalkeeper like soccer and hockey might now be decided by which team gets the most shots on net. That ought to change things up. In fact they might as well get rid of their goalies. A warning though. The scores may now be almost as high as a basketball game. This has the added bonus of making soccer fun to watch.

Most racing will have to change. For example the fastest car in most races spends the least time on the track. In other words it gets the least practice. So races will have to change to winning by distance. Like Le Mans, the winner will be the car that goes the furthest in a set amount of time. In the case of Le Mans that is 24 hours.

The fastest sprinter in track and field might now measure the distance they run in 10 seconds. The high jump is one of the few sports that would not have to change much. You’d get 3 tries at each height regardless of succeeding. But you would only move on to a higher jump if you were successful in one of your three tries. The highest jumper would have more turns than any other.

Golf would have to do something similar. They would be given a set amount of shots and the player who got through the most holes would be the winner. This way not every golf course in the world would have 18 holes. Par for the course might be set at par for 18 holes. The best golfers might get 21 or 22 holes.

Obviously we have made a world where practice doesn’t make perfect. But if we elevate practice makes perfect to a prime directive of sports, things will change. Some changes will be for the better, like me being able to compete with the best bowlers. Some changes will just be weird.

But, if you’re sick of the same old games with the same outcomes, this new prime directive ought to keep even old pros on their toes.

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The Ontario-Wide Financial Paradox

Posted on 1 May 2021 by Larry Russwurm

Ontario-Wide Financial has been advertising on television quite often lately. Their ad doesn’t apply to me so mostly I tried to ignore it. But then I accidentally watched it with discernment one day.

They declare in the voice-over that they are not a bank. On the screen it says, “Ontario-Wide Financial isn’t a bank.” Then a line strokes out “isn’t a bank”. Which means that Ontario-Wide Financial is a bank. But the voice-over said they weren’t a bank.

Normally I would just have fun with this. I might say it is a modern day paradox whether Ontario-Wide Financial is a bank or not. Or that it is like Schrodinger’s cat which is simultaneously alive or dead until you collapse the wave function by opening the box. Or I might finally end with: usually a verbal agreement (you believing the voice-over) is superseded by the written contract (what you saw written out in front of you), so Ontario-Wide Financial is indeed a bank.

But this is Canada where there are specific laws for the rights and obligations of banks. For instance, when Toronto Dominion Bank bought out Canada Trust years ago, Canada Trust had a large real estate arm. TD Bank was obligated to sell this arm because banks, in Canada, aren’t allowed to own property. Indeed this goes so far that the brick and mortar branches of banks are leased from real estate companies.

Anyhow, Ontario-Wide Financial should have some explaining to do to the regulator of banks. Claiming they are a bank when in fact they will not act like one, is a serious offense. They should be advised to clear up this misunderstanding immediately. Maybe it was just a mistake by their marketing division. If so, I would expect a retraction of the ad posthaste. Or a new version without the strike through of “isn’t a bank”.

And maybe just maybe, if they don’t clean up the confusion of the ad, I could hire a lawyer and perhaps make some pocket change from them in court. Maybe their ad does apply to me after all. And it’s not a paradox at all – just a money making scheme for me.

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