Light at the End of the World

Posted on 13 April 2013 by Larry Russwurm

I’ve lived through at least three possible ends of the world. And instead of being snuffed out, I’ve found that instead humanity ends up being better off for it. I am not going to restate that ‘whatever doesn’t kill me makes me stronger’ because clearly that line is a lie. In no way do I think humanity was ever at risk in the three examples I’m going to make. But thinking on our supposed demise actually helped us out.

The first doomsday scenario I was supposed to swallow was the so called Jupiter Effect. All the planets were going to be in the same quadrant of the sky. Such lopsidedness might be the undoing of all our orbits and the ultimate demise of life on Earth.

But of course the sun is massive enough to reign all the planets in even when they are lopsided. Nothing bad happened.

But this was about the same time that scientists were first going to send robotic probes beyond Mars. Not only were the outer planets in the same quadrant, it was possible to send the probes at just the correct speed and angle so they could ‘slingshot’ to a faster speed to do a ‘grand tour’ of the outer planets. Voyager I visited Jupiter and Saturn. Voyager II went to Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune. And that kiddies, was when Neptune’s great dark spot was discovered as well as many, many other firsts.

Most of you who can read this lived through the Y2K doomsday. That was the flip of the dates from the 1900s to the 2000s. Computers had been lazily programmed before this time to have only the last two digits of the year. Computers might give confusing results or not even work when the two digits reset. Necessary systems, now run by computers, might give out causing widespread chaos.

But enough time of crying danger made the governments and big business attack this problem on time. Very little didn’t work after the changeover. And what didn’t seemed inconsequential.

Maybe this spawned the extreme behaviour of preppers. But there is nothing wrong with the base idea of just being prepared. Less than a handful of years passed before the 50 million+ people blackout of North America. Despite days of no or little electricity, large parts of the continent didn’t slip into anarchy. Perhaps Y2K had made us all a little more aware of being prepared.

2112 to us Rush fans, or the end of the Mayan calendar for the rest of the world, happened just months ago. I was in no panic having lived through two doomsdays. Especially this one which seemed to be just an end of bookkeeping and not really anything significant. However parts of the world were clearly anxious, especially with the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) coming on stream in Europe with dire predictions of black holes and other possible calamities being spawned.

Now, the rest of the world might agree with my bookkeeping comment, because nothing at all untoward happened on 21/12/12.

Indeed the LHC may have discovered the Higgs boson, one of the reasons it was built for. Why would this be so great? Well the Higgs boson is supposed to be responsible for the characteristic of mass. It might be possible to take all the Higgs bosons from you and then send you off at the speed of light. You might be able to go at the speed of light if you no longer have mass! Then, when you reach your destination, Higgs bosons could be added to you so you have your original properties. We might have fast as light travel from the formerly scary sounding LHC.

So when the next doomsday comes, I’m hoping humanity can once more wring an advancement out of such supposedly dire straits.

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H. G. Wells, the Teenage Sidekick of the Father of Science Fiction

Posted on 6 April 2013 by Larry Russwurm

I saw Robert J. Sawyer give a lecture on TV Ontario a couple weeks ago. In it, he called Mary Shelley the progenitor of science fiction. No arguments there. He also said the spur of this entire article; he called H. G. Wells the father of science fiction.

Now I’ve always held that H. G. Wells and Jules Verne both made a big impact on science fiction. Their footprints are different, but are about the same import. These two were the first science fiction writers to make a career out of it – even if their works went under the heading of scientific romances, back then. I mostly value them equally. But when it comes to being called the father of science fiction, Verne is easy to discern as the first career science fiction writer, by decades, and thus deserves the title.

Sawyer credited Brian Aldiss as being important in helping define the history part of his lecture. Indeed, I knew of Aldiss as a historian of SF because the library I used to work at, had at least one work in stock (Billion Year Spree?) which I glanced at. Unsure how to take this history I glanced at the Verne and Wells section and took away the distinct feeling Aldiss was minimizing Verne and promoting Wells. I felt it was too biased for my liking. That’s my long way of saying that this work of Aldiss was too long and I didn’t read it. I would have taken it out and read it, had I felt it was going to deal with SF fairly.

I blame Sawyer for his own father comment of Wells, even if Aldiss is his inspiration. Instead of following this lead I will always say that Verne is the true father of science fiction. But Wells is important also, so let’s give him the billing of being the teenage sidekick of the father of science fiction.

And, as I sought more backing on the web, I found that as well as these two, Hugo Gernsback is also sometimes called the father of science fiction. Which adds to my suspicion that the naming of a father of science fiction might differ by national identity. I’m sure in France many agree that Verne is the father. In Britain they of course see Wells as the father. In America they probably see Gernsback as the father of SF.

I think Sawyer is squandering the opportunity of being Canadian and bringing a new voice to the table. Instead, I see him as blindly following the British line maybe because of our close ties (spelling and the monarchy being two examples). So I will do it trying to be as neutral as possible. And again I say Verne is the father of SF. Wells can be the teenage sidekick of the father and Gernsback can be the tween sidekick of the teenage sidekick of the father. Or , to sound more respectful, Wells can be the ward of the father of SF and Gernsback can be ward of the ward of the father of SF.

And all this might be moot anyway. In many other cases where there is someone called the father of something, they are often also the progenitor of that field. So maybe the field of SF has only Mary Shelley as the mother of science fiction, and there could be said to be no real father.

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The Right is Right, But the Left is More Right: A Mathematical Proof

Posted on 30 March 2013 by Larry Russwurm

We’ll start this proof with a simple relation.
Right angle = 90 degree angle
Therefore, Right =90 degrees.

Now we’ve all heard of “doing a 180” which is to do the opposite. This comes from the mathematics which means to change by 180 degrees.
So then Left = 180 degree change from right

But we don’t mean to take away from what is Right. And of course we don’t want this to end with a negative – I’d hate to be such a downer.
Then Left = Right + 180 degrees = 90 degrees + 180 degrees = 270 degrees
Therefore Left = 3 x Right = more Right

The astute among you might notice we could keep going in a circle and define Right as being 180 degrees more than Left or 5 x Right. Then Left could say it’s 7 x Right, etc. But this is both dizzying and roundabout. And we don’t want to add these vicious cycles to our simple relation.

Therefore, Right is Right, But Left is more Right.

Update 2013/04/16 :
Then there is the non Euclidean geometry proof. Say you lie down on your back both arms extended in opposite directions. Outline this position. Follow that right hand out further than it goes, in a straight line. Eventually you will have rounded the earth and come back to your outline – on your left side.

Going further than your left side is both dizzying and roundabout as before. So your left is the most right in non Euclidean geometry.

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The Ads About Nothing

Posted on 23 March 2013 by Larry Russwurm

Twice now the Canadian political comedy show The Rick Mercer Report has said that the many, many ads for the Canadian government’s “Economic Action Plan” point out the ordinary spending of any government and call it their “Action Plan”. Really they are advertising nothing.

Now I usually trust The Mercer Report but since mostly the ads point out the government website, actionplan.gc.ca , I decided to go there for a firsthand experience. Now, the site is large so I didn’t inspect everything but a cursory glance found that the stuff I did read that is part of the action plan, any normal government is likely to do.

Proof of the nothing claim came at a blog post entitled “Saving You Money at the Gas Pump”. The first paragraph reads “Did you know that whether you lease or own, choosing a fuel-efficient vehicle can save you money and fuel every time you drive? It is part of the Government’s effort to reduce energy consumption.”

That is all they have to say about this part of the post. Do you see an action in that? The government isn’t even claiming to be allowing this. Because all past governments have and all future governments are likely to do the same. The government ain’t helping you buddy. You’ll have to choose that fuel-efficient vehicle on your own. With your money.

Now a large part of the Canadian public isn’t stupid. Why waste government money selling nothing?

Well, this Canadian government has called itself the Harper Government. I bet that’s in the bill of sale to the stations this campaign is using.

Remember us, Big TV, when we take out all those attack ads on Thomas Mulcair and the future Liberal Party leader.

Remember us, Big TV, when we are in the depths of an election and maybe we can get better spot times than the competition.

But even if there is no coziness between the Harper Government and Big TV, the Harper Government has the information of when and where each spot was run and can compare it to the number of hits to the website at that time. They are learning how best to advertise. That’s an expensive lesson bought by the Canadian taxpayer. The lesson was 21 million dollars last year and so far the advertising has been more aggressive this year.

This is just me talking but shouldn’t the stats of the ads and hits to the websites be totally shared with the other parties? But that’s right, this government likes to keep scientific results under their hat. Why would they treat these stats any differently?

Posted in Humour, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Newfoundland Houndstooth

Posted on 16 March 2013 by Larry Russwurm

When I was a kid, houndstooth patterns were in style, although I never heard the term. The pants I had my mother just called a checkered pattern. But now larger houndstooth patterns are in style (shown here) so I noticed something I never thought of before.

 The basic unit of the houndstooth, I now think of as being the island of Newfoundland. If you squint at the pattern you might see what I saw below. There it is, at the top is the Northern Peninsula. On the right is the Avalon Peninsula. It’s just a detailed enough representation of Newfoundland, I can say where Cornerbrook should be. Also Gander and St. John’s.

houndstoothnewfoundland-1

 And for those who know the song “I’se the B’y”, the area of Fogo and Twillingate can also be roughly found. I have yet to have found Morton’s Harbour on any map of Newfoundland so I guess I’ll never know what the ‘circle’ was like.

 And did you ever notice that Labrador slightly resembles the island of Newfoundland in shape and is only a bit bigger in size? Not only do you have to squint to see that in houndstooth, but it helps to cross your eyes as well. Labrador is perfectly situated and angled to be the next iteration of the basic shape that makes up houndstooth.

 Now that I’ve brought this to your attention, I hope you get the horrible affliction I have. Every time I see these big new houndstooth patterns, I only catch myself after I’ve picked out Newfoundland for the ninetieth time.

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What Has Really Happened to Germany’s New York Gold

Posted on 9 March 2013 by Larry Russwurm

According to this article, the island of Manhattan has the United States’ biggest gold reserves. Bigger than even Fort Knox. An intriguing twist is that much of the reserves belong to Germany. Before Germany’s currency was taken off the gold standard, half of its gold reserves were placed in the United States.

But there have been cries of conspiracy coming from Germany. For decades no German had been allowed to see their own gold reserve in Manhattan. No wonder conspiracy theorists have been crying foul for awhile.

Now I don’t know know for certain what lies in those vaults deep on the Manhattan bedrock. But I have this idea of what could await curious Germans when the site is opened up.

The full reveal will show that most of the gold ingots have been replaced with vials labelled “Homoeopathic Gold Ingots”.

Scientific measurements will reveal that every last vial contains not even a molecule of gold as an impurity in the distilled water.

There will only be one note left in explanation. In German it will say:

“Each vial held one gold ingot and some distilled water for no less than one full week. With the important essence of the gold trapped in the vial, the ingot was removed and the water was then diluted and followed by a succussion (a forceful striking of the substance against an elastic body). This was repeated many times.

“Those followers of homeopathy in Germany will realize that in essence the vials still contain gold. Consider yourselves paid in full Germany. Thanks to your Samuel Hahnemann for being the creator of Homeopathy. Without that discovery, this scheme would never have been realized.

“Being true recyclers, the gold ingots were not tossed in the garbage or ill spent. Instead, in the future we will use it to compensate those homeopathic patients whose outcomes contradict homeopathy’s promises.”

Well at least that is what I hope the thieves use the gold for. Either they use it for that or for buying half of a continent.

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Stockholm Syndrome

Posted on 2 March 2013 by Larry Russwurm

stockholmsyndromeCow in overalls with a pitchfork. Pig in overalls: “Be a good dog and fetch me the keys to the tractor!” Dog: “Grrrr!” Chicken: “Bark?”

Also thought about doing Stockholm Syndrome at the zoo or in school.

Posted in Cartoon, Humour, Social Science | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Pairs Figure Skating: the Inevitable Changes

Posted on 24 February 2013 by Larry Russwurm

I object to the name of pairs figure skating as there is almost always a huge mismatch in heights of the male and female skaters. I’ve heard it said that at least a 6 inch difference in heights is necessary for the best performances. Almost under breath it is usually added that with greater than a foot difference in heights, the male will find it hard to lift the female without kneeling and thus ruining the performance.

But with huge pressures on performances, eventually the skating community will realize that the second point can be broken. The first way is for the much shorter female to artfully scale the male and thus put herself in position for the showpiece lifts. The second way is even easier to see. If the female is very much smaller than the male, he will be able to lift her with one hand. This avoids the awkward, only a foot mismatch in height.

So as the competition in pairs heats up, there will be non stop pressures for the male to be taller and stronger and the female to be shorter and lighter. Very soon pairs skating will be made up of some of the tallest males and some of the shortest females. Pairs skating might begin to draw the freak show fan.

Indeed, to accommodate the pressures, the human species might divide into two races like the Eloi and the Morlocks. Genes would split between the tall and the small. This might even lead to the Tall having females that could lift and skate with the Small males. There could be two categories of pairs figure skating. The normal kind and the new strong and tall female with the small light male partner.

Competition would create even bigger size differences. There might even be trio or quartet skating. That would be where a very tall male would want to skate with two or three very small females. One feature of such a competition might have the male juggling the females. Just as in a freak show juggler with knives, the danger would be in catching any of the ladies by the skate blades.

Eventually, the mismatch would be so great that while the gigantic male is skating, the palm of his hand will hold an ice cube upon with his ‘pair’ female will skate a routine. Camera crews will need one magnifying lensed camera trained on the female and a wide angle lensed camera trained on the male. Any judges would need to see both on a split screen to accurately judge.

pairskating

Finally, the huge males would be too tall for arenas anywhere. At which point they would start storming towns and cities. Like Godzillas, they will destroy buildings in search of the most plentiful food of all, normal sized mankind. The small will escape the slaughter because they will be hard to see and capable of using mice hiding holes.

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We Need a New Hockey Word

Posted on 16 February 2013 by Larry Russwurm

Currently the NHL Chicago Blackhawks have a record of eleven wins, no losses and 3 overtime losses. They are undefeated in regulation time. The NHL has no word for this. Yet. Perhaps this post will make a difference.

It was a few years back when the NHL got rid of the old wins, losses and ties system in hockey. The problem was in the ties. Sure when everything is on the line, the playoffs, the NHL has always had overtime decisions. And when it is important, the fans might stick around through 2 or even three overtime periods to find out what happens. Not so for the regular season.

But sports fans seem not to like the wishy washiness of a tie. Eventually the NHL settled on a system of five minute overtimes in the event of a tie. If the game was still undecided it would boil down to a shootout, like European hockey. Still it was thought to be something if a team made it to overtime with a tie. As a result a team is given one point for an overtime loss and the other team gets the win and the two points.

This results in that odd overtime loss column in the stats for hockey.

In the old win, loss, and tie regime, a team can cobble together an undefeated streak if it manages to avoid the losses and have only wins and ties. The Philadelphia Flyers of 1979-1980 managed the longest undefeated streak in the NHL at 35 games. A Philadelphia fan pointed out to me that this record was bound to last forever since the NHL changed the system. I agreed at the time.

Back then we were both wrong. It’s possible that a modern team could get very lucky and put together a win streak of 36 games. This would also count as an unbeaten streak and might one day unseat the Flyers. Still I expect this Flyers record to last a really, really long time.

But what can we call the current streak of the Chicago Blackhawks? A wins and only pointed losses streak? An unbeaten in regulation time time streak? An old rules unbeaten streak (since overtime and shootouts wouldn’t happen with the old rules)?

I would prefer a one word concise definition just like when we could use the word unbeaten to describe the streak. Maybe we can steal the idea of a mega precise compound word from the Germans? How about wonpointloss streak? Unbeatregtime streak? Oruleunbeat streak?

I prefer unbeatregtime, because you can figure out its meaning the easiest.

Whatever you call the streak, the Chicago Blackhawks are having it right now.

Posted in Language, Sports, Wee Bit O' Humour | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

This Website – Now Half Off

Posted on 13 February 2013 by Larry Russwurm

This has been a long time coming. You see I happened to notice a long while ago that the natural rate for the Many Rants of Larry Russwurm post was about once a week. In a week I can usually find something interesting and humourous to take on. To post at twice the frequency takes more than twice the effort. Usually I’ll brainstorm ideas or visit more news sites to come up with that second post a week.

Now there’s nothing wrong with the extra effort required to be prolific. If you have the time it’s fine. So mostly I kept it up, not wishing for the pastures to be any greener.

But the pressure to post made me post more than a couple serious posts. There’s nothing wrong with serious, it’s just that it’s not in the original vision of this site. The pressure to post also made me post a humour science fiction piece Mammaral, that later I realized would have been the perfect thing to send out to a science fiction site (that pays) that specifically was soliciting humour SF. The piece I sent in was rejected on the basis they didn’t consider it science fiction. Those two stories were all I had in the humour category of fiction.

So I’ve decided a potential payment should be given priority. The time I normally dedicate to that second post I’ve decided to use for fiction writing. Long time followers will know that I completed NaNoWriMo this year. But there was more to finish to get the first draft up to book length. I took the month of December off, and envisioned myself getting up to snuff again in January. Well it’s now halfway through February and I have finished a grand total of three pages. I need about 25 pages or more.

That second post is pure writing time. I didn’t write because I was writing. One post is usually 2/3 of a page and I think it translates to 1 fiction page because I also spend time editing before publishing my posts. With one page a week going to my fiction writing, I would have 6 more pages. Not that much but look, I would have tripled my output for the period since the new year.

I used other tricks to get me through NaNoWriMo. If my output continues to lag, I will institute more of these methods.

Don’t think that I’m going to give up on this blog. Sometimes I have ideas that I just have no other outlet for. Sometimes I want to experiment in public. Sometimes I just want to share. Bye bye Wednesday post but look for my post sometime on the weekend.

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