Are Plants Drunk Off the Excess Carbon Dioxide?

Posted on 18 May 2013 by Larry Russwurm

Very often, too much of even a good thing can result in wonkiness. For plants, the excess carbon dioxide in the atmosphere because of all mankind’s activities, is probably a good thing for them. You see, plants take in carbon dioxide and give off oxygen – the opposite of the animal world which takes in oxygen and gives off carbon dioxide. An excess of carbon dioxide probably makes life a little easier for a plant’s survival. This may be heady resulting in at least some plants getting drunk.

So what if plants get a little drunk? That probably doesn’t effect humans in any large way. True. But we can at least look at the plant world and look at those species which best exemplify this state of being.

Dandelions are very visible right now in the northern hemisphere. Wherever grass grows, dandelions seem to grow a bit better. But right now, some are turning into fuzz balls. It’s only a matter of days till these dandelions begin puking up their seeds. Puke that floats lazily on the wind and kids try to catch for a chance at a wish.

The tumbleweeds are getting so tipsy they just take the path of least resistance and go wherever the wind takes them.

The thornbush has imbibed so heavily on the carbon dioxide that it is spoiling for a fight. A fight it usually wins.

Vines just limply hang there. I hope someone took their car keys because they are as up for things as a passed out human.

There are many plants that are creepers. Maybe they were more impressive before the record levels of carbon dioxide came into being. But now they are reduced to crawling and otherwise inching their way around.

And then there are the water loving weeping willows. The wind through their branches sound that familiar drunk refrain – “I love you, man.” It is only after this that they weep.

So while humanity tries to retool to the global warming brought about by the excess carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, at least some of the plant world has lived it up so much they are clearly drunk most of the time. I say it’s time for prohibition for plants. Like food addicts they need to cut their consumption back to more normal levels.

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The Articler

Posted on 11 May 2013 by Larry Russwurm

The astute among you will notice that the title has a made up word. The name might make sense if you follow the rest of this post.

Over 4 decades ago, mankind first set foot on the moon. It was on July 20, 1969 and expressly for his first step, Neil Armstrong had a famous quote, “one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” Or at least that was how the public heard it on their television sets, a quarter of a million miles away. So that is how it was mostly quoted as.

But none other than Neil Armstrong himself insisted that what he really said was, “one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.” He claims he said the “a”. Recordings don’t clearly demonstrate this. Careful examinations of the recordings say there is something that may have been an “a” but it is very unclear. No wonder the public missed it. But did they?

Over a year later and on another continent, the band Yes was making an album (the Yes Album) that was clearly enamoured with the Moon program. “saying we have the moon, so now the stars” is a line in Perpetual Change. But what might have more to do with Neil Armstrong than that line is a title of a guitar solo song, The Clap.

The song is written and played by Steve Howe, but Jon Anderson introduces it. The live introduction is played with it. Anderson says, “Here’s a song called The Clap.” That’s what I hear and clearly the person in charge of the album cover thought, too. That name graces the cover.

But Yes insists that the title should be simply: Clap. And there is some justification for this position. Why name a song for a sexually transmitted disease? Gonorrhea is sometimes referred to as “the clap”. Is Yes telling the truth despite the recording that seems to say otherwise?

Some believers are quick to say that Yes and Neil Armstrong are both right. They believe in an elusive invisible creature called the articler. It ingests the indefinite article “a” and over a year later excretes the definite article “the”. And that, they say, proves that in both cases everyone was right.

But we at Many Rants try to take a more scientific approach to things. The sun sends out more radiation about every 11 years. These peaks can wreak havoc with electronics and create bright Northern and Southern Lights. The very end of 1968 and the start of 1969 was one of these peaks. Neil Armstrong said his words at nearly the peak. The Yes incident was about a year later, in Autumn 1970. That, too, is close enough to the maximum for wonky things to result. I submit these two incidents could be totally caused by activity that originated in the sun.

But the articler believers aren’t so sure. Perhaps, they say, articlers are nourished better in times of great solar activity. So the standoff continues.

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In the Presence of Dentyne

Posted on 4 May 2013 by Larry Russwurm

If you watched television in the last couple of years, chances are you’ve seen the ‘practise safe breath’ Dentyne campaign for that brand of gum. Basically they use condom like situations to provide the comedy for these ads.

I don’t know if it has been true for the whole campaign, but the latest ad shows the guy with the hard won, pristine and unopened pack of Dentyne. It never shows him chewing a piece but it shows the girl now willing to kiss him and they do. So I am left thinking that you don’t have to actually use your Dentyne to get its benefits. You just need to be in the presence of Dentyne.

I think I’ll try this out for my next date. I’ll be free to eat onions, stinky cheese and garlic. Then instead of freshening my breath by actually having a piece of Dentyne, I will place an unopened pack near me and pucker up at the end of the date. What could go wrong? Someone naive might think I’m asking for a fight by proving I have easy access to fresh breath but refusing to go that one step further.

Then I’ll go one step further. I’ll go to a dental appointment without brushing my teeth. “Doc,” I’ll say (dentists love being called doc), “You’re in luck. I got Dentyne just for you.”

When I place the Dentyne beside me and then invite him to do his job, you might think I’m being egregious in not actually chewing the Dentyne first. But thanks to Dentyne advertisements, I know my mouth is fresh as a daisy.

So when you’re in a variety store, pucker up. You’re in the presence of Dentyne so your breath will be fine if you spy someone you wish to kiss. Same for drug stores and checkouts in bigger stores where the gum is stored.

Since the connection to condoms was made, I can follow the logic and suspect that pregnancy is unlikely if you have a sealed condom near your lovemaking site. Spreading STD’s might be unlikely too. Thank you, Dentyne for alerting us to the power of being in the presence of something to get their full effect. I suspect there is a whole pseudo science here waiting to be unleashed on the world.

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The Space Yoyo

Posted on 27 April 2013 by Larry Russwurm

I’m sure that many of you have heard of the space elevator. That is where an incredibly strong and light ribbon is strung from geosynchronous orbit down to the surface of earth and simultaneously the ribbon extends further out from geosynchronous orbit to act as a counterbalance for all that mass.

Then, one attaches a climber or an elevator that uses its own power supply to ascend the ribbon. This will get mass into space and out of space, for a fraction of the cost of rockets.

Having two separate systems, the ribbon and a self powered elevator seems so inelegant to me. What if instead you make a space yoyo? That way the ribbon and elevator could act as one in raising and lowering the elevator.

Look, you’re going to have to use rockets to get the space elevator in place anyway. How about you leave a lot of extra fuel on the rocket and use it as “the big jerk in the sky”. Yoyos are controlled by well timed jerks.

You could load and unload on the ground by using “the sleeper” yoyo maneuver where the elevator would spin but would remain stationary with respect to the ground. Things could be loaded and unloaded through the centre of the elevator.

Of course all that spinning, and stopping and starting that spinning could make some people very sick. Still, isn’t it worth it to get to space? After all , right now, many choose to enter the “vomit comet” to just simulate zero gravity. These people gamble with puking when they aren’t even making it into space.

So I say ‘yea’ to the space yoyo. Sure the ribbon or string will need to be even stronger but that is a small price to pay for its elegance. Maybe the future will greet us with space yoyos instead of elevators. And when not operating they could do all those other yoyo tricks. “Around the World” would suddenly take on new meaning.

spaceyoyo

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Pieing Lou Ferrigno

Posted on 20 April 2013 by Larry Russwurm

Let me start by stating that Lou Ferrigno might be a fantastic guy and I might never even have the urge to pie him, let alone actually do it. I use the theoretical Lou Ferrigno as an example of the pumping iron mentality of the seventies and eighties.

If you don’t remember, Lou Ferrigno played The Incredible Hulk in the eighties TV show. Mild mannered Bruce Banner would get angry and his body couldn’t stop the change. His shirt and pants would split as he became an angry and very strong, green monster. Of course nothing less than an extreme body builder like Lou Ferrigno would do as the monster. The monster’s skin was green as per usual from the Marvel comics.

Coincident with the television series was the once yearly show, the Battle of the Network Stars. Lou Ferrigno used to participate and at his first appearance I almost thought that his network had picked up the Incredible Hulk TV show for the express purpose of winning the Battle of the Network Stars. If anyone seemed more of a ringer than Lou Ferrigno, I didn’t know who it was. With all those well built muscles he had the strength to outperform everyone.

Except. Except when it came to running. The fast women could beat him at running. The slow men could beat him at running. The slow women could beat him at running. Apparently body builders went for musculature in their legs and this does not transfer over to speed.

So thirty years too late I came up with the idea of pieing Lou Ferrigno. Imagine the embarrassment of being able to beat up any enemy if only that enemy didn’t run away. That would be Lou Ferrigno’s quandary 30 years ago after I pied him and immediately took off. His only solace would be if the pie tasted good.

I wouldn’t stop there. No. I would go for the pumping iron triumvirate. I’d pie Mr. T. And of course Arnold Schwarzenegger. Far and wide the lesson would spread. Weight lifters are powerful but they are slow.

I would stop there. Because it was also known in the eighties that the fastest man on steroids was Ben Johnson. It’s believed that steroids made him so muscular and he was that way at his fastest. In other words fairly big muscles don’t mean slow at all. It’s just the quest for the largest possible muscles in your legs means slow running.

After the humiliating pieing, the triumvirate would realize the error in their ways and perhaps train their legs in a different way.

But that never happened. So now, if you’re an average speed human being, just remember if you are ever challenged by a huge weightlifter, you can always challenge him to a race. Lou Ferrigno knows the results of that type of competition.

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Light at the End of the World

Posted on 13 April 2013 by Larry Russwurm

I’ve lived through at least three possible ends of the world. And instead of being snuffed out, I’ve found that instead humanity ends up being better off for it. I am not going to restate that ‘whatever doesn’t kill me makes me stronger’ because clearly that line is a lie. In no way do I think humanity was ever at risk in the three examples I’m going to make. But thinking on our supposed demise actually helped us out.

The first doomsday scenario I was supposed to swallow was the so called Jupiter Effect. All the planets were going to be in the same quadrant of the sky. Such lopsidedness might be the undoing of all our orbits and the ultimate demise of life on Earth.

But of course the sun is massive enough to reign all the planets in even when they are lopsided. Nothing bad happened.

But this was about the same time that scientists were first going to send robotic probes beyond Mars. Not only were the outer planets in the same quadrant, it was possible to send the probes at just the correct speed and angle so they could ‘slingshot’ to a faster speed to do a ‘grand tour’ of the outer planets. Voyager I visited Jupiter and Saturn. Voyager II went to Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune. And that kiddies, was when Neptune’s great dark spot was discovered as well as many, many other firsts.

Most of you who can read this lived through the Y2K doomsday. That was the flip of the dates from the 1900s to the 2000s. Computers had been lazily programmed before this time to have only the last two digits of the year. Computers might give confusing results or not even work when the two digits reset. Necessary systems, now run by computers, might give out causing widespread chaos.

But enough time of crying danger made the governments and big business attack this problem on time. Very little didn’t work after the changeover. And what didn’t seemed inconsequential.

Maybe this spawned the extreme behaviour of preppers. But there is nothing wrong with the base idea of just being prepared. Less than a handful of years passed before the 50 million+ people blackout of North America. Despite days of no or little electricity, large parts of the continent didn’t slip into anarchy. Perhaps Y2K had made us all a little more aware of being prepared.

2112 to us Rush fans, or the end of the Mayan calendar for the rest of the world, happened just months ago. I was in no panic having lived through two doomsdays. Especially this one which seemed to be just an end of bookkeeping and not really anything significant. However parts of the world were clearly anxious, especially with the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) coming on stream in Europe with dire predictions of black holes and other possible calamities being spawned.

Now, the rest of the world might agree with my bookkeeping comment, because nothing at all untoward happened on 21/12/12.

Indeed the LHC may have discovered the Higgs boson, one of the reasons it was built for. Why would this be so great? Well the Higgs boson is supposed to be responsible for the characteristic of mass. It might be possible to take all the Higgs bosons from you and then send you off at the speed of light. You might be able to go at the speed of light if you no longer have mass! Then, when you reach your destination, Higgs bosons could be added to you so you have your original properties. We might have fast as light travel from the formerly scary sounding LHC.

So when the next doomsday comes, I’m hoping humanity can once more wring an advancement out of such supposedly dire straits.

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H. G. Wells, the Teenage Sidekick of the Father of Science Fiction

Posted on 6 April 2013 by Larry Russwurm

I saw Robert J. Sawyer give a lecture on TV Ontario a couple weeks ago. In it, he called Mary Shelley the progenitor of science fiction. No arguments there. He also said the spur of this entire article; he called H. G. Wells the father of science fiction.

Now I’ve always held that H. G. Wells and Jules Verne both made a big impact on science fiction. Their footprints are different, but are about the same import. These two were the first science fiction writers to make a career out of it – even if their works went under the heading of scientific romances, back then. I mostly value them equally. But when it comes to being called the father of science fiction, Verne is easy to discern as the first career science fiction writer, by decades, and thus deserves the title.

Sawyer credited Brian Aldiss as being important in helping define the history part of his lecture. Indeed, I knew of Aldiss as a historian of SF because the library I used to work at, had at least one work in stock (Billion Year Spree?) which I glanced at. Unsure how to take this history I glanced at the Verne and Wells section and took away the distinct feeling Aldiss was minimizing Verne and promoting Wells. I felt it was too biased for my liking. That’s my long way of saying that this work of Aldiss was too long and I didn’t read it. I would have taken it out and read it, had I felt it was going to deal with SF fairly.

I blame Sawyer for his own father comment of Wells, even if Aldiss is his inspiration. Instead of following this lead I will always say that Verne is the true father of science fiction. But Wells is important also, so let’s give him the billing of being the teenage sidekick of the father of science fiction.

And, as I sought more backing on the web, I found that as well as these two, Hugo Gernsback is also sometimes called the father of science fiction. Which adds to my suspicion that the naming of a father of science fiction might differ by national identity. I’m sure in France many agree that Verne is the father. In Britain they of course see Wells as the father. In America they probably see Gernsback as the father of SF.

I think Sawyer is squandering the opportunity of being Canadian and bringing a new voice to the table. Instead, I see him as blindly following the British line maybe because of our close ties (spelling and the monarchy being two examples). So I will do it trying to be as neutral as possible. And again I say Verne is the father of SF. Wells can be the teenage sidekick of the father and Gernsback can be the tween sidekick of the teenage sidekick of the father. Or , to sound more respectful, Wells can be the ward of the father of SF and Gernsback can be ward of the ward of the father of SF.

And all this might be moot anyway. In many other cases where there is someone called the father of something, they are often also the progenitor of that field. So maybe the field of SF has only Mary Shelley as the mother of science fiction, and there could be said to be no real father.

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The Right is Right, But the Left is More Right: A Mathematical Proof

Posted on 30 March 2013 by Larry Russwurm

We’ll start this proof with a simple relation.
Right angle = 90 degree angle
Therefore, Right =90 degrees.

Now we’ve all heard of “doing a 180” which is to do the opposite. This comes from the mathematics which means to change by 180 degrees.
So then Left = 180 degree change from right

But we don’t mean to take away from what is Right. And of course we don’t want this to end with a negative – I’d hate to be such a downer.
Then Left = Right + 180 degrees = 90 degrees + 180 degrees = 270 degrees
Therefore Left = 3 x Right = more Right

The astute among you might notice we could keep going in a circle and define Right as being 180 degrees more than Left or 5 x Right. Then Left could say it’s 7 x Right, etc. But this is both dizzying and roundabout. And we don’t want to add these vicious cycles to our simple relation.

Therefore, Right is Right, But Left is more Right.

Update 2013/04/16 :
Then there is the non Euclidean geometry proof. Say you lie down on your back both arms extended in opposite directions. Outline this position. Follow that right hand out further than it goes, in a straight line. Eventually you will have rounded the earth and come back to your outline – on your left side.

Going further than your left side is both dizzying and roundabout as before. So your left is the most right in non Euclidean geometry.

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The Ads About Nothing

Posted on 23 March 2013 by Larry Russwurm

Twice now the Canadian political comedy show The Rick Mercer Report has said that the many, many ads for the Canadian government’s “Economic Action Plan” point out the ordinary spending of any government and call it their “Action Plan”. Really they are advertising nothing.

Now I usually trust The Mercer Report but since mostly the ads point out the government website, actionplan.gc.ca , I decided to go there for a firsthand experience. Now, the site is large so I didn’t inspect everything but a cursory glance found that the stuff I did read that is part of the action plan, any normal government is likely to do.

Proof of the nothing claim came at a blog post entitled “Saving You Money at the Gas Pump”. The first paragraph reads “Did you know that whether you lease or own, choosing a fuel-efficient vehicle can save you money and fuel every time you drive? It is part of the Government’s effort to reduce energy consumption.”

That is all they have to say about this part of the post. Do you see an action in that? The government isn’t even claiming to be allowing this. Because all past governments have and all future governments are likely to do the same. The government ain’t helping you buddy. You’ll have to choose that fuel-efficient vehicle on your own. With your money.

Now a large part of the Canadian public isn’t stupid. Why waste government money selling nothing?

Well, this Canadian government has called itself the Harper Government. I bet that’s in the bill of sale to the stations this campaign is using.

Remember us, Big TV, when we take out all those attack ads on Thomas Mulcair and the future Liberal Party leader.

Remember us, Big TV, when we are in the depths of an election and maybe we can get better spot times than the competition.

But even if there is no coziness between the Harper Government and Big TV, the Harper Government has the information of when and where each spot was run and can compare it to the number of hits to the website at that time. They are learning how best to advertise. That’s an expensive lesson bought by the Canadian taxpayer. The lesson was 21 million dollars last year and so far the advertising has been more aggressive this year.

This is just me talking but shouldn’t the stats of the ads and hits to the websites be totally shared with the other parties? But that’s right, this government likes to keep scientific results under their hat. Why would they treat these stats any differently?

Posted in Humour, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Newfoundland Houndstooth

Posted on 16 March 2013 by Larry Russwurm

When I was a kid, houndstooth patterns were in style, although I never heard the term. The pants I had my mother just called a checkered pattern. But now larger houndstooth patterns are in style (shown here) so I noticed something I never thought of before.

 The basic unit of the houndstooth, I now think of as being the island of Newfoundland. If you squint at the pattern you might see what I saw below. There it is, at the top is the Northern Peninsula. On the right is the Avalon Peninsula. It’s just a detailed enough representation of Newfoundland, I can say where Cornerbrook should be. Also Gander and St. John’s.

houndstoothnewfoundland-1

 And for those who know the song “I’se the B’y”, the area of Fogo and Twillingate can also be roughly found. I have yet to have found Morton’s Harbour on any map of Newfoundland so I guess I’ll never know what the ‘circle’ was like.

 And did you ever notice that Labrador slightly resembles the island of Newfoundland in shape and is only a bit bigger in size? Not only do you have to squint to see that in houndstooth, but it helps to cross your eyes as well. Labrador is perfectly situated and angled to be the next iteration of the basic shape that makes up houndstooth.

 Now that I’ve brought this to your attention, I hope you get the horrible affliction I have. Every time I see these big new houndstooth patterns, I only catch myself after I’ve picked out Newfoundland for the ninetieth time.

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