Hands Inking Hands

The proper way to draw

 

I think Escher tried to be inclusive in his famous “Drawing Hands” picture. After all, one of the hands is a left hand and the other is a right hand.

Or maybe Escher just wanted to produce ‘one magical entity that was spontaneously creating itself’. If it were two right hands then presumably two humans would be ‘created’ when the hands are done.

I prefer the inclusiveness theory. But it was not possible for Escher to create all possible permutations with just the two hands. For instance if you haven’t noticed the difference before, look closely at the above illustration I made and look at the hands again. They hold the pen and marker in a way that is different than normal. Indeed they hold their pens the way I hold a pen. I used two right hands. Someone else might prefer to make an illustration with two left handers holding their pencils this way. Even more interesting might be the “self portraits” of a mouth painter painting a mouth painter.

I have always held my pencils and pens this way. I grew up in a small elementary school of 1 class per grade, so in the upper grades there was tittering and chuckling when the teacher found me writing in an ‘incorrect’ way. Teachers who wouldn’t dream of making a left handed child hold a pencil with the right hand, would force me to change my pencil holding for usually a couple days. They had to be on me all the time because without a conscious thought, I pick up my pencil and hold it as illustrated.

So I know how to hold a pen the ‘proper’ way. And indeed, my handwriting and drawing skills are about the same holding the pencil either way. I think your distinct signature and illustration abilities probably stem from in the wrist rather than the pencil holding method. My method of pencil holding leads to a heavier line but I can lessen it if I want to.

The only disadvantage to my way of holding a pencil, that I have ever noted is when extending myself to write at the top of the blackboard. With my method of holding the chalk I extend about an inch or two lower. Imagine if I were an inch or two shorter – such a disadvantage, huh?

In my very early 20s I met a girl at university who held her pen the same way as me. I had been hearing of these friends of friends who held their pens differently and it was usually concluded that they held them the same way I do. But this was the first person I saw in the wild who did it. I said something to her about it and instead of bonding with me about it she clammed up and sort of withdrew. Even when I showed her that I held my pen similarly. Must of been those years of being told she held her pen wrong.

This came up on identi.ca about a week ago. In talking about it, my sister pointed out about me ‘I was the one who writes funny’. And with that lame joke I end this post.

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Obese and Wonderful

The obese and wonderful segment of the population, while perhaps being bad in a few ways, is good in at least one way.

Of course much of the public would see any increase in obese numbers as bad and unwanted. Indeed America and its increasing obesity has been a negative study in many news reports. So why on earth would I say that the increasing obese stats are good?

You see I am on antipsychotic medication. If it were the old antipsychotics there would be no claims about the obese. The old antipsychotics used to make its users twitchy. Imagine it is twenty years ago and you notice someone twitchy. “Are you a crazy person?” you might well ask.

But the modern antipsychotics don’t make you twitchy. Indeed their most common side effect is making the user obese. I am personally on these medications and it has made me sadly overweight as a consequence. When I first was put on the modern antipsychotics I had an increase in appetite. The only way this effect disappeared was when I was 50 pounds heavier.

So for those modern obese people? You have provided camouflage when I wished not to stand out from the human crowd and your heaviness shielded me from the stigma of being a paranoid schizophrenic. And it is for this that I thank you.

I don’t mind saying I’m schizophrenic to the people that know me. They’ve seen the behaviour and perhaps have judged and I don’t really blame them. But having physical attributes that say to any person who merely glances at me, that I can’t meet your expectations of normal, bother me.

And it is for this, obese people, that I commend you. Thank you for shielding me from excess judgement. Thanks for a little peace in this world.

Much like you, given a choice I would not be obese. But it is not as easy as choosing. There are many causes for obesity and I choose to hide behind that mutability.

So next time you are called out and it is said that the obesity epidemic is ruining North America? You can say that you are easing the stigma of that group of people that need antipsychotics.

Thank you. Stay strong. Peace out.

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Extra Punishment

I know there are some who are annoyed with the justice system. Perhaps they feel more victimized than the sentence to the perpetrator would seem to punish. Or maybe they’ve always felt that those who go against the edicts of society should suffer more, even if that suffering is slight.

We can’t give prisoners a bread and water diet. We’ve learned too much about the health effects of food and that could be considered a type of death sentence.

But we also clothe prisoners. Perhaps we could give the male prisoners hot pink outfits. The rage it might inspire would turn some prisoners’ faces pink, too. With anger or embarrassment, those of us who wish to add to the punishment aren’t picky.

But wait, you say, their are female offenders, too. They’d probably welcome a turn toward pink outfits. So we can’t do that. What I propose is so evil that criminal masterminds wouldn’t do it to their worst enemies. I’m talking about dressing the women up in clothing that is ten years out of date.

I see the nods from those of you who want maximum punishment. I just fear it lets one segment of the women off the hook.

Those women who are from backwoods or rural areas, might see the clothes that are 10 years out of date as a step up. In fact they might, upon leaving jail, request to keep their prison clothes and burn the clothes they were brought in with.

I know that eventually my mind will come up with a punishment for those women, I just need to think evilly enough.

But I know there is a segment of society which will go against these changes to prisons. To them I will ask ‘what happened to those sensible fluorescent orange jumpsuits I saws some years ago? Now those ought to exist in every prison.’

Fluorescent orange and yellow as any road worker or crossing guard can tell you is the opposite of camouflage colouring. It stands out against almost any background. And we want escaped prisoners to be as visible as possible. I know we don’t make prisons for prisoners to escape from, but we should face the reality of it happening.

My vote is for all prisoners to wear fluorescent orange and yellow jumpsuits at all times. If the prisoners and their supporters put up too much of a fuss about this, I say we threaten them with the start of this post.

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A Cheap Papercraft Future

This first of my cheaply wrought photographs shows me with something on my left forearm. You see with some of the flexible, paper thick computer hype, the obvious has been thrown about: the prediction of wearable computers. That is my wearable computer around my left forearm. I chose the forearm because it is simultaneously the most useful spot while also being the most out of the way.

Next we see the obvious flexible screen. I recommend that instead of having to reflatten it every time and angle it properly, it should somehow have a memory of the flattened position and either go there naturally after having been curled around your forearm or have an electronic way of doing that.

The rest of this piece assumes talking to your computer will not work in all instances. Look at hearing aids. They still struggle to bring out important info while diminishing background noise. And we’ve all had bad experiences with voice recognition software in unexpected places. And there are accents and speech impediments, no matter how slight. Thus, I assume keyboards would still be needed for at least the nearer future. There is a pivot on the one strap that the keyboard can turn toward a usable position.

A full keyboard is too long to fit neatly along the forearm. It needs to be bent in half. Because the QWERTY keyboard has its keys in non grid format, to fold it neatly in half is impossible. I fixed this by cutting in a staircase manner, thus not losing the integrity of even one key.

For maximum screen size, it would be best if the wearable computer was sized for different people. Oh no, more sizes to measure – length of forearm and strap length around the forearm in two places. Well I can’t think of a way to ease the strap length around the forearm in two places. However the length of the inner part of the bent forearm is the same length as your foot. Try it and see, I’ll still be here. So for that you already have your shoe size memorized.

I’m sorry about the cheap papercraft used to explain myself. I sometimes just think very aloud on my blog posts. I don’t expect any computer or tablet maker to steal my designs. Why? Because the ideas should be obvious enough to come up with on their own. It all depends on the technology. I just wanted to see how it might play out.

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Crappy Quotes

In this recent Yahoo News/ CBC article, a police officer of the mounted division in Toronto tries to rationalize why police don’t have to pick up after horses, or at least make their mounts wear a diaper.

Sgt. Kristopher McCarthy says of horse $#!+, “Within two to three days [horse] manure will just dry out and blow away”.

Before some of you agree because an authority figure told you, let me tell you that I grew up with a horse and a pony. Of course they used to $#!+ in their enclosure, largely in the same spots so they could eat the grass in other spots. This horse $#!+ would be there for months if not forever.

And in the winter, the horses would have to spend the time in their shed. My dad had to clean it out every once in a while, thus the manure pile we had came from those horses. It didn’t blow away. My dad was an avid gardener and that manure helped him to grow 11+ foot high sunflowers.

And to hammer the point home, the area I was raised in had lots of old order mennonites who still used a horse and buggy to get around. Horse $#!+ on the road lasted much longer than 2 to 3 days. Sgt. Kristopher McCarthy, you are a spreading tall tales. I know it strains the mounted police to have to pooper scooper their horses. But stop making excuses and just do it.

Also attributed to Sgt. McCarthy is the idea that horse droppings do not have any harmful bacteria like dog $#!+ does. Now, am I going to trust his word after the first lie?

Sgt. McCarthy says that “The difference between dogs and horses is that dogs eat meat and horses do not eat meat.”

Does that mean that vegans can defecate anywhere and it is alright? Imagine that unsightly mess everywhere.

Obviously, the fact that a horse is a vegetarian makes little difference. Remember the Walkerton tragedy? Vegetarian cow manure was the ultimate cause of the deaths of seven people and also sickened thousands.

I’m afraid we’ll have to disregard nearly everything that Sgt. Kristopher McCarthy says about horse $#!+. Nice try to keep your horses undiapered, but you have been caught.

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Another Gen X Manifesto

Gen Xers differ from each other. That is the reason there are many Gen X manifestos. So listen up baby boomers and those who wish to know more about Gen X.

Baby boomers started as a group by events that seemed to come from up on high. The end of World War II is the beginning of their lives

The media liked to follow the lead baby boomers. ‘They’re in the nurseries’, ‘they’re in school’, ‘they’ve started work’, etc.

Because there was no agreed upon beginning of Gen X, the media couldn’t do the same for my generation. In fact the media has almost completely ignored Gen X because of this. So I choose to declare the beginning of Gen X to be 1967, coincidentally, my birth year. But I don’t want the media to hound me, so I’m picking a leader all Gen X might agree to. That leader is Kurt Cobain, also born in 1967.

Why him, you may ask, and shouldn’t Gen Xers choose different leaders? Well firstly he is dead, which is a good state for any leader. So he can unite the “Question authority” crowd and the “Defer to authority” crowd at the same time. Can any live leader do that?

Plus the media already hounded him, some say to death. And his death is one of the few facts about him that most agree with. Gen X with all their varying ideas and conspiracy theories about his life and times might accept him as worth following, because of his death.

Now that we have established a leader maybe the media can pretend to care about Gen X by following him lavishly. There are updates we all want to know.

Was he secretly buried in Viretta Park and if so are the worms going in and out?

Were his ashes scattered in McLane Creek of Olympia or the Wishkah River in Washington or were his ashes stolen in 2008? And can we clone a new Kurt from ashes?

Was he cryogenically frozen so that 3011 can enjoy that grunge sound?

Or were his remains sent into space? If so, what planet should his remains be passing about now?

Rest in peace wherever you are Kurt and Gen X will produce as many conspiracy theories about you as there are Gen Xers. We’re going to make our leader proud. Or ashamed. We can’t really tell because he is gone.

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An Incredibly Vile Insult

Just this weekend I was insulted in such a vile and terrible way that I had to share it with someone. Michael Adams of Environics was the name caller. He called me, and indeed everyone born before 1970 and after World War II, a baby boomer. This was on a TV Ontario show, Big Ideas, which airs varying lectures.

Now for those of you born closer to World War II, you’re probably used to the tag and don’t mind it. But to me, someone born in 1967, it is rubbing salt into an already infected wound.

For one thing, my age group has been called the opposite name of the baby boom – the baby bust. It is up in the air where exactly the baby bust started. Some say as early as 1960 or as late as 1966. It’s supposed to go on till about 1982 or so. That’s about when the abundant baby boomers had their own kids to end the bust. So almost by definition, I am not a baby boomer.

I guess Michael Adams never saw the television show Family Ties in the eighties. It was a comedy where the parents were supposed to be successful baby boomers with the irony of having Micheal J. Fox as a son. Fox’s character wore a suit, despite being in high school, and had a generally conservative view of things. The point was generation X (or the baby busters) were different than the baby boomers.

With constant coverage of the “lead” baby boomers (those born in 1945 or 1946) the media killed any liking I could possibly have for these people.

It was worse, because when my age group wanted to enter the workforce, there were many fewer jobs available, because the bloated horde that is the baby boomers had filled the job market almost to bursting.

And now, to call me a baby boomer? Vile Michael Adams, vile. Why don’t you use your little stats company to set a firm and agreed upon start to the generations instead of expanding the definition of baby boomer.

You can’t, as you’ve done, change course for everyone, midstream. Just because you wanted a generation to be about 25 years long, because that’s closer to where women start having babies, you can’t. A generation can be as short as 15 years or as long as ?(the technology keeps improving for women who want late babies).

The media started this years ago, so I internalized the name gen X. I know people born even before 1960 who were convinced they weren’t baby boomers -why did all the coverage feature just the lead baby boomers? In fact I’ve joked with some of these older people about boomers. To their core of humour they don’t believe they are boomers. You’re not going to suck in that many people to be your baby boomers, Michael Adams.

And looking you up online, Mr. Adams, I see you were born in 1946. You seem to relish your position as being a “lead” baby boomer. And like any petty leader you are trying to extend your kingdom to my generation. You are not my leader, go away and quit insulting me.

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Why Shih Tzus Aren’t so Yappy

When I was an adolescent I vowed I would never get a small breed of dog. The non stop yapping from these breeds really threw me for a loop. Some things I do, like reading, demands enough concentration that I don’t think I could do it with many of the ordinary small breeds of dog around.

Big dogs usually don’t bark for little or no reason. And it is because of this that I’ve long preferred big dogs. I think it has to do with big dogs not being scared of every little thing. They think they can generally handle things and are thus not so nervous.

Before 20 years ago, I had never even heard of the breed Shih Tzu. I’ve met a handful of these dogs since and even though I think they are rather ugly, their quiet, calm nature makes me think I could one day own this breed.

So why are Shih Tzus not nearly as yappy as their small breed cousins? I have a few theories.

1.Everyone knows at least one person who calls this breed $#!+ Zus. Thus they had to be tough on the playground before weaning. They have the confidence of a dog that knows how to fight and thus aren’t yappy.

2.Shih Tzus really are big dogs. The big side of them is just in another dimension. That’s why they are calm and not yappy – like a big dog.

3.Breeders of Shih Tzus figured out that quiet dogs were more salable. Thus they took the yappiest pup in each Shih Tzu litter and cut out its vocal cords. This left one totally quiet puppy and the rest of the litter being cowed into being quiet, too.

4.It’s also possible that Shih Tzus are the stupidest of all the small dogs and believe they are actually big dogs. After all, if dogs are really descended from wolves, look at all the brain you had to get rid of to fit inside a Shih Tzu’s skull.

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Repercussions to Corporate Personhood

Many rights have already been given to corporations that were previously seen as distinctly human rights. I suspect that corporations will press on until they are given the right to vote.

So what, you may say, small corporations would now be seen as the equal of large corporations and this may very well temper some of the extremism of the large corporations.

But large corporations have the best lawyers and will thus game the system. Imagine the threat of a corporation with tens of thousands of employees using a shell game so that it is now officially tens of thousands of corporations. Its votes would go up its hierarchy to the ultimate parent corporation ( or CEO) which would officially release the tens of thousands of votes. Since the CEO has control, a handful of corporate votes might go to the also rans by the CEO’s definition. Tens of thousands of votes would be for the CEO’s pick.

But wait you say, with the vote comes more responsibility. More of a company’s improprieties could be punishable by prison. How  about merging with two other companies coming with a charge of bigamy?

Large corporations would game the system so their most lowly employee would be culpable for important but wrong behaviours of the company. There might even be jockeying to be culpable since these lowest paid employees might be able to collect 3 or 4 times their wages while in jail.

Angered by all this, citizens might complain that corporations don’t do all the duties of a human. So next up would be jury duty.

Large corporations would first state that they are a different class of citizen. Worried about the corporate vote the politicians would allow the corporations to pick and choose “relevant” cases. Of course the juror for the corporation would demand 24/7 contact with the CEO.

A still angry citizenry would demand the greedy, powerful corporations perform tours of duty in any wars the country might happen to be in.

Fine, the corporate persons would say. We have always performed in war, just at a fair price. Much like the actual soldier. And that fair price always seems to be steeper during a war.

And that is what my crystal ball tells me will happen if we allow corporations to have more of the rights and duties of a full human.

Maybe humans will one day wise up and demand some of the rights of a corporation.

For example if only 1% of a corporation might be guilty of collusion and only those perpetrators would go to jail, , perhaps a human can say their two fists are the only things guilty in an assault. Since this is only about 5% of their body, they should only spend 5% of the sentence in the actual jail.

How about that embezzler at that mighty corporation? It only took keystrokes and thus fingers to move all that money into his personal account from the corporation. Serving 1% of the sentence seems all too fair.

Weird things happen when we mix up corporations and persons. Be careful corporations or we’ll bite back.

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Bye Bye to the Space Shuttle Program

During the Space Shuttle’s last flight this week, many have with melancholy said bye to the whole Space Shuttle program with heaviness in their hearts.

I’ve had a heavy heart, too, but largely this post says goodbye to a joke, not the whole shuttle program.

It’s prop comedy, what you’ll need is 4 ordinary matches and metal foil. A lot of smokers are already armed with the equipment.

Pull off 3 matches and put them together, lengthwise. Now wrap a strip of foil (roughly 1inch by 3 inches) so that half the foil goes over the match heads and partly down the cardboard, and the other half goes past the matches. When done wrapping, twist the foil that is not covering the matches so no air can escape from this end. Now bend the cardboard of the matches 45 degrees, from the line of the tin foil to the bottom of the match. The three match bottoms must make a stable a tripod for the finished rocket to stand.

Stand the 3 match rocket up and strike a 4th match. Start the legs of the tripod on fire.

Now say, “This is my imitation of the space shuttle Challenger.”

Here is my video showing a 3 match rocket going off. The hope is that someone else will film a more impressive one – It took me half an hour to get the one shown (yeah I was talking to someone and got easily distracted).

I used to be able to get more explosive reactions. Perhaps aluminum foil is heavier than cigarette foil. Or maybe it was just a matter of being a more dedicated pyromaniac in my youth.

Technically the ‘explosion’ looks more like an explosion on the launch pad. I heard that at least one Soviet rocket blew up on the launch pad. But no one in North America has any idea what that rocket was called. Thus we have my poke at the Shuttle program.

And, in high school, when I was first told of these rockets by a teenage girl, she claimed they could rise 3 or 4 feet in the air. I have never had one rise more than a foot and usually sideways. So burn on, other pyromaniacs with better engineering skills. If you get one to rise 3 feet in the air, please film it and share it on YouTube.

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