Why Shih Tzus Aren’t so Yappy

When I was an adolescent I vowed I would never get a small breed of dog. The non stop yapping from these breeds really threw me for a loop. Some things I do, like reading, demands enough concentration that I don’t think I could do it with many of the ordinary small breeds of dog around.

Big dogs usually don’t bark for little or no reason. And it is because of this that I’ve long preferred big dogs. I think it has to do with big dogs not being scared of every little thing. They think they can generally handle things and are thus not so nervous.

Before 20 years ago, I had never even heard of the breed Shih Tzu. I’ve met a handful of these dogs since and even though I think they are rather ugly, their quiet, calm nature makes me think I could one day own this breed.

So why are Shih Tzus not nearly as yappy as their small breed cousins? I have a few theories.

1.Everyone knows at least one person who calls this breed $#!+ Zus. Thus they had to be tough on the playground before weaning. They have the confidence of a dog that knows how to fight and thus aren’t yappy.

2.Shih Tzus really are big dogs. The big side of them is just in another dimension. That’s why they are calm and not yappy – like a big dog.

3.Breeders of Shih Tzus figured out that quiet dogs were more salable. Thus they took the yappiest pup in each Shih Tzu litter and cut out its vocal cords. This left one totally quiet puppy and the rest of the litter being cowed into being quiet, too.

4.It’s also possible that Shih Tzus are the stupidest of all the small dogs and believe they are actually big dogs. After all, if dogs are really descended from wolves, look at all the brain you had to get rid of to fit inside a Shih Tzu’s skull.

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Repercussions to Corporate Personhood

Many rights have already been given to corporations that were previously seen as distinctly human rights. I suspect that corporations will press on until they are given the right to vote.

So what, you may say, small corporations would now be seen as the equal of large corporations and this may very well temper some of the extremism of the large corporations.

But large corporations have the best lawyers and will thus game the system. Imagine the threat of a corporation with tens of thousands of employees using a shell game so that it is now officially tens of thousands of corporations. Its votes would go up its hierarchy to the ultimate parent corporation ( or CEO) which would officially release the tens of thousands of votes. Since the CEO has control, a handful of corporate votes might go to the also rans by the CEO’s definition. Tens of thousands of votes would be for the CEO’s pick.

But wait you say, with the vote comes more responsibility. More of a company’s improprieties could be punishable by prison. How  about merging with two other companies coming with a charge of bigamy?

Large corporations would game the system so their most lowly employee would be culpable for important but wrong behaviours of the company. There might even be jockeying to be culpable since these lowest paid employees might be able to collect 3 or 4 times their wages while in jail.

Angered by all this, citizens might complain that corporations don’t do all the duties of a human. So next up would be jury duty.

Large corporations would first state that they are a different class of citizen. Worried about the corporate vote the politicians would allow the corporations to pick and choose “relevant” cases. Of course the juror for the corporation would demand 24/7 contact with the CEO.

A still angry citizenry would demand the greedy, powerful corporations perform tours of duty in any wars the country might happen to be in.

Fine, the corporate persons would say. We have always performed in war, just at a fair price. Much like the actual soldier. And that fair price always seems to be steeper during a war.

And that is what my crystal ball tells me will happen if we allow corporations to have more of the rights and duties of a full human.

Maybe humans will one day wise up and demand some of the rights of a corporation.

For example if only 1% of a corporation might be guilty of collusion and only those perpetrators would go to jail, , perhaps a human can say their two fists are the only things guilty in an assault. Since this is only about 5% of their body, they should only spend 5% of the sentence in the actual jail.

How about that embezzler at that mighty corporation? It only took keystrokes and thus fingers to move all that money into his personal account from the corporation. Serving 1% of the sentence seems all too fair.

Weird things happen when we mix up corporations and persons. Be careful corporations or we’ll bite back.

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Bye Bye to the Space Shuttle Program

During the Space Shuttle’s last flight this week, many have with melancholy said bye to the whole Space Shuttle program with heaviness in their hearts.

I’ve had a heavy heart, too, but largely this post says goodbye to a joke, not the whole shuttle program.

It’s prop comedy, what you’ll need is 4 ordinary matches and metal foil. A lot of smokers are already armed with the equipment.

Pull off 3 matches and put them together, lengthwise. Now wrap a strip of foil (roughly 1inch by 3 inches) so that half the foil goes over the match heads and partly down the cardboard, and the other half goes past the matches. When done wrapping, twist the foil that is not covering the matches so no air can escape from this end. Now bend the cardboard of the matches 45 degrees, from the line of the tin foil to the bottom of the match. The three match bottoms must make a stable a tripod for the finished rocket to stand.

Stand the 3 match rocket up and strike a 4th match. Start the legs of the tripod on fire.

Now say, “This is my imitation of the space shuttle Challenger.”

Here is my video showing a 3 match rocket going off. The hope is that someone else will film a more impressive one – It took me half an hour to get the one shown (yeah I was talking to someone and got easily distracted).

I used to be able to get more explosive reactions. Perhaps aluminum foil is heavier than cigarette foil. Or maybe it was just a matter of being a more dedicated pyromaniac in my youth.

Technically the ‘explosion’ looks more like an explosion on the launch pad. I heard that at least one Soviet rocket blew up on the launch pad. But no one in North America has any idea what that rocket was called. Thus we have my poke at the Shuttle program.

And, in high school, when I was first told of these rockets by a teenage girl, she claimed they could rise 3 or 4 feet in the air. I have never had one rise more than a foot and usually sideways. So burn on, other pyromaniacs with better engineering skills. If you get one to rise 3 feet in the air, please film it and share it on YouTube.

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The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge

Naturally when I heard the name of the royal couple (Will and Kate) being the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, I suspected that they would visit the city directly to the south of me when they chose to visit Canada. That city, Cambridge, has over 100 000 people and I thought that city would be a blip upon the royals’ radar.

So, shocked that city didn’t make the itinerary of the royal couple, I looked at their schedule again. Ottawa ( another city in Ontario), the Northwest Territories, Alberta and P. E. I. Wait one moment, PEI is no larger population wise than the city of Cambridge.

Then why don’t the royal couple visit Cambridge? After all they are known as the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.

Hmmm. Despite being home to the school of architecture of the university of Waterloo, Cambridge, Ontario has no palace or castle. That must be why the Duke and Duchess are snubbing their namesake city. If we could only make them feel at home.

Indeed they are extending their tour into rebel territory, the so-called USA, and aren’t visiting Cambridge, Massachusetts or the other 6 Cambridges mentioned in my atlas of the world (seriously, did the Simpsons think of this as a name for their hometown?).

So of course the name of the Duke and Duchess must of course refer to a United Kingdom city. And indeed there is a city of Cambridge in the UK. However there is no residence that the Royals stay at, according to what I could find on the Internet.

So. They are holding out for a palace in whichever city of Cambridge would be first to build a nice palace for them. So all you extremely rich United Empire Loyalists that settled in Ontario, just give a huge sum of money to the school of architecture of the University of Waterloo in Cambridge, Ontario so that nice palace can be built for them. Then we can have the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge sit where they belong in southwestern Ontario. None of this Ottawa nonsense. Cambridge, Ontario must be the first and only visiting-Canada-home to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.

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The Herd Mentality of Baby Boomers

How many baby boomers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A herd.

Why did the baby boomer cross the road?

Because another baby boomer did.

What do you call a lone baby boomer?

Nonexistent.

I can feel the collective cringing of all marketers everywhere. ‘Don’t make fun of the baby boomers, they’re the most powerful group in the world.’

But baby boomers don’t outnumber everyone else. Combined, everyone else outnumbers the baby boomers. I refuse to be intimidated.

Besides, what are the baby boomers going to do? Not buy any more of my free posts? Soon they’ll all have walkers and canes, what are they going to do, march on Washington?

Maybe they’ll march on me. March on my city of Kitchener. Then do you know what will happen? There’ll be so many baby boomers (seriously, do they have one mind?) that resources in my city and area will be stretched an incredible amount. Suddenly a Toronto size city would be here – a leech on all of Kitchener’s resources. It’ll be a logistical nightmare.

Which gets to my point. I think baby boomers should be renamed the less flattering ‘logistical nightmare’. That’s what they’ve been their whole lives. From the extra room in nurseries when they first began, to portables in all the schools they attended, to an unbridled killing herd at a Who concert, to having everyone cater to them as adults (remember the show ’30 something’?) to the new expansions at retirement homes and eventually at nursing homes, the baby boomers have been one logistical nightmare after another.

Their brag for many years has been they really changed the world. Not all generations have been so arrogant. Previous generations just called big changes ‘progress’.

I’m sick, sick, sick of all the media attention the baby boomer generation gets. So here I am today frustrated, and maybe some of you think I’m spitting into the wind. But if I hit even a small fraction of the herd of the baby boomer – make that logistical nightmares – I’ll be happy. As far as I know no one has even tried to push back against the herd mentality of these logistical nightmares. Well that ends today. I hope my lame jokes spread. Remember, you unsure marketers, everyone else outnumbers the baby boomers.

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E’en Ste’en

^^How’s that for a poetic title? Of course Ste’en is the poetic contraction for Stephen, as in Stephen Harper – prime minister of Canada (I know – not a very poetic topic). Alright, I admit it, I forced the title. Just because I came up with it and thought it was cute.

Our first topic about Stephen is really about other people. In earlier posts I mentioned that some racist jokes can be changed to be about the leader. As in “ What’s the difference between Stephen Harper and a bucket of excrement?” The answer of course being “The bucket.” Or it was said in another post, to voice the ultimate insult say “You’re such a Stephen Harper!” Make sure to use a derisive tone of voice because Canadian conservatives might not think this is an insult. And finally I “rescued” a blonde joke by asking “How did Stephen Harper’s staff know he tried to fix a mistake on the computer?” “They found white out on the screen.”

Despite my use of Stephen Harper over and over again, just remember that other leaders could be similarly insulted. Don’t forget CEOs. For instance former Tim Horton’s CEO Don Schroeder got a severance package of about 6 million dollars. While the vast majority of Tim Horton staff make minimum wage. For a 40 hour work week over a year, that’s about $20 000. Deride Mr. Schroeder for making 300 times the average employee’s wage at one fell swoop.

Do I need to tell you to make other leaders the butt of jokes and insults? What about your boss? Your union leader? Your school council? Your teacher? The head of your department? The list goes on and on. Just make sure you don’t get fired or expelled while doing so.

And I am especially remiss in not suggesting the Queen as the butt of jokes. Being the titular head of Canada she needs some jokes at her expense. Jokes might bring her down to earth and have Canadians realize the complete uselessness of this level of government. Maybe we would once and for all shed the monarchy.

Then I could stick my tongue out at my American cousins and say “Nyeah, nyeah, we did it without a war.”

But back to Stephen. Some of you may remember my post here where I in effect said that Stephen Harper would not win a majority government because visually he does not look like a walking, talking caricature like the last three majority government winners of Canada (Pierre Trudeau, Brian Mulroney and Jean Chretien). This was too simplistic a view and obviously I was wrong since Harper won his majority government.

Finally I had a breakthrough last week when I passed the statue of William Lyon Mackenzie King in front of the high school of KCI in this, the city of Kitchener. Mackenzie King was normal looking, too, and yet he is the longest serving prime minister with many majority governments. It’s his character that seems like a caricature of a Liberal. He was a popular flake. His popularity is evidenced by his many governments. His flakiness is evidenced by his penchant to hold seances.

Then it hit me. Prime Minister Stephen Harper is a caricature of a Conservative. He is such a corporate stooge that his government tabled legislation to make the striking postal workers go back to work at a pay that was less than what Canada Post had offered. “I’ll take that corporate agenda and add union busting for fun,” Harper might as well of said.

So Harper has proved that he’s a human caricature. It’s just that it is his character that is the caricature.

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The 20th Century Showed that Genocide can be Common

First there was the Armenian genocide that started in Turkey during World War I. Then there was the obvious genocide of the European Jew done by Hitler and the Nazis during World War II. Then in the early ’90s there was the Bosnian genocide on Bosnian Muslims committed by Bosnian Serbs. Then there was the Rwandan genocide which saw the Tutsis killed by the Hutu majority, also in the ’90s.

The term genocide is relatively new. It came about in 1944 as Jewish people struggled to say what had happened to them in Europe. And ever since the end of World War II it has taken its status as the worst kind of crime that humans could commit.

But see how common it was? The Armenian one is especially illuminating because it was swept under the rug, denied, or was thought of as just another transgression of a majority toward a minority. I’m thinking that this attitude existed in many societies over the centuries and millennia. Many attempted or successful genocides may have happened.

This might sound like a wild accusation against humanity, after all things like this became more likely in the 20th century with mass production and personal identifications.

But I’d like to go way back. How come only one type of man made it into history and all the others were lost in prehistory? There was Homo Habilis, Homo Ergaster, Homo Erectus, Homo Heidelbergensis and Homo Neanderthalis. All were wiped out by either us (Homo Sapiens) or by a species we wiped out. Genocides happened in the prehistoric world, too. That’s what 20th century history tells me about the past.

But by not developing written history our ancestors were even smarter than us at sweeping genocide under the rug. Of course our ancestors almost blew it. Homo Floresiensis was recently discovered to have lived as recently as 13 000 years ago. 8 000 years ago was the date of some of humanity’s earliest recorded writing although some cave paintings as old as 20 000 years ago are thought to be symbolic.

So humanity is an experienced pro at genocide. You may feel smug – “I’m in too large a group to be persecuted that way” you might think. But remember, there is blurriness in the Jewish Holocaust. Was the genocide because of their ethnicity or was it because of their beliefs?

Men. Wiping out other men since the genus Homo first began.

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You’re Not Rich, Quit Voting Like You Are

This is a problem that emanates from the United States but has also crossed the border into my country of Canada. The problem is that a large portion of the electorate vote for reforms that are especially good for the rich of the country. These policies are not so good for the poor or the middle class but even though this group outnumbers everyone else they vote the pro rich policies in.

I think a large portion of the electorate believes that the right attitude will make them rich. I think they are delusional. The vast majority will never be that rich, it happens every generation. Positive thinking is not enough to get you there.

Let me first state that you don’t need the permission of the rich to become rich. Indeed if you were to meet on a superlative golf course with your favourite financial wizard to discuss your business idea that might get you to their standing, I bet you might be heard.

Your rich wizard will probably ask you questions like why and even agree to meet to discuss it further. Then when they know your business program well enough they’ll cut you out and do it themselves.

Now you can probably find business wizards who would deny this. Of course they deny it because they want you to have confidence in them.

But the fact of the matter is, you don’t need the permission of rich people to be rich – instead you need society’s permission.

I once thought of writing a story where “spot inflation” occurs in society. You see, the mega wealthy live in tiny enclaves that it would be easy to surround and let very little in or out. (You’re thinking helicopter – don’t forget the rest of society pays for something called the military). You could tax food and necessities for these areas at thousands or millions of times the worth of the products. Sure the rich would go on a firing spree to find people to dare crossing the line. But everyone fired could be hired by the spot inflation people. The line would be strengthened further.

And most of economics is based on belief. Paper currency is no longer backed by gold. Just the government. Bonds are backed by the institution or corporation that put them out. Many times these corporations and institutions failed to back them and the bonds became worthless. Company stock can be made worthless, too.

I state it again. Society permits certain people to be rich or not.

Did you hear the political lie over the last few years that letting the mega rich keep more money leads to jobs?

I don’t know about you but the fastest way to make money get back into the economy is by giving it to poor people. Give all the poor $100 more and watch it go back into the economy almost instantly. The rich will invest to make more money. Like buying up coffee crops when that occupation is in surplus growth and then saving the surplus till coffee yields are scarce. Then while the price is up the rich can sell their sat on coffee at a big profit. Notice that nothing gets done with this money for years and it thus doesn’t get back into the economy for years. The rich person might have to pay for storage over the time of this scheme,, but that needn’t take place in this country.

Not to mention the propensity of the rich to invest in foreign markets. And when you have all the world to play with, the domestic market only rarely seems good.

And then there is my favourite scam of the mega rich – portraying themselves as an expert in the stock market. Then buying certain stocks. Then on a stock talk show giving the buy signal for the stocks they just bought. Then watch the public improve their investments. Then later they can sell these stocks. After they’ve sold them, they can tell their followers to sell. Look at the small risks they’ve incurred and the potential for their followers to make them lots of money.

Stop believing so strongly in the mega rich. They’re just out to make a buck and the easiest target is you. Please don’t vote the way they want you to vote.

And I know one sure thing. You’ll get the message if I ever become rich.

And then I’ll never get to do the stock picking thing.

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Stanley Cup Strike

A strike by the refs is exactly what I thought I was watching for the last game of the playoffs. Last night Boston defeated Vancouver to win the Stanley Cup, but it was the officiating that made me angry, not the play.

For the first half of the game, no penalties were called. If you’ve ever seen an NHL game you know there are usually about 5 – 8 penalties at about this point. Indeed in the whole game only 3 penalties were called.

I think when the hosts on CBC discovered this, they then delighted to show each would-have-been penalty. Through the game they must have shown 8 penalties that would ordinarily cost a team two or more minutes being down by a player.

This “let the player’s play” attitude may have been costly to Vancouver. After all, each hockey club has special teams precisely for penalties. And Vancouver’s power play is mighty, but they only got to use it twice last night.

When a paid member of an organization like the NHL does a bare minimum of their job, it is called a work slow down. That is precisely what the refs in last night’s game did. It is a form of strike, thus my title.

Also, such a strategy is dangerous to the NHL. The NHL gets away with various assaults by its millionaire players precisely because they say they police themselves. Well without the refs calling things, you can say goodbye to that lie.

But that’s okay. I wouldn’t mind seeing police arrest millionaire NHLers. Of course cities with teams would have to pay more taxes to the police services. But if that’s the way we want to go then it’s okay.

Then there’s the way the rules were the same all the way through the season and even the playoffs. Till the very last game, an important winner-take-all affair, when the way the game was played suddenly changed.

I dabble in fiction writing. What if I were to write a nuts and bolts detective story? The detective hero dutifully tracks down clues in a murder or other important crime. The hero tracks down one clue after another that leads to a blind alley. You’re intrigued to find all clues led to nothing and there’s only 5 pages left in the book.

Then I spring it on you that the detective is really an alien with excellent telepathic abilities. He found it intriguing to try sleuthing the human way. But he gives up and just reads everyone’s mind and uncovers the killer.

Would you throw this book or movie across the room in anger at this cheat of an ending? Many would. This is exactly what I felt after watching the officiating in last night’s Stanley cup Final. I felt like the refs cheated me.

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One Possible Reparation for a Genocide

The Armenian genocide doesn’t quite get the respect it deserves. Firstly, almost all Turks are Armenian genocide deniers. Secondly, after the bigger (and more obvious to the west) Jewish holocaust, not much is spoken about the Armenian trials. The newer Rwandan and Bosnian genocides get more attention just because they are newer.

So Armenians struggle for attention in this area that probably defined their society in the aftermath of World War I. I think it’s time we gave Armenians some respect for what has happened to them.

Naming can be a respectful kind of thing. It’s common to name a baby after someone important to the parents’ lives. What new things do we have to name in current society?

It’s not so long ago that star Gliese 581 was detected to have planets near or in the habitable zone of that star.

Perhaps we could start naming habitable zone planets names that are reminiscent of Armenian words or names. How about we name such worlds Kardash, Sarmaze, Trevane, Sarkis or Alexane?

And if we develop big enough telescopes, that can identify the content of these planet’s atmospheres, I vote that the very first one we find that has free oxygen be named planet Armene. Such telescopes are currently predicted to come on line somewhere in mid century.

Now that would be a unique reparation for the genocide. Of course this idea loses some of its sparkle outside of the English language. If the naming occurs, I think Earth should carry on in the slow process of the English language becoming the universal language.

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