Mmmm Zombies

Zombies have us terrified with their brain eating ways. But we are humans. We always turn the tables on the predator no matter how fearsome they might be. Since zombies are much like us, I think that we must turn to eating zombies to spread enough fear among their kind.

Not only will we terrify them, I think we will have a real win if we take to eating zombies. Allow me to explain.

First of all we will arm ourselves with flame throwers to not only kill the zombies but to also cook their delicious flesh. Only after succeeding in this endeavour will we actually eat them.

We will then, some hours later, defecate the zombie remains and bury it six feet under. Perhaps the remains will spontaneously rise, sometime later. If not, we can say some incantations to make the zombies rise again.

Of course we will still be armed with the flame thrower and will cook that zombie, once it rises again, into a meal for homo sapiens.

I’ve done the calculations. Zombie meat is the greenest of all foods. By that I mean it is the most ecologically friendly of all food. By eating the same zombie again and again, we will leave the smallest carbon footprint possible.

Indeed, this is almost as efficient as the water recycling methods developed for space travel and the space station. Combined with water recycling, zombie eating will help us conquer space.

Naysayers might say that having six feet of ground in space is expensive. But I say, not only is it used for its zombie recycling properties, but six feet of ground also can act as a good shield against radiation in space.

Many years from now some may ask how zombies ended up colonizing space. Future generations will point to this very paper and say that this is how. You are welcome, future generations.

About Larry Russwurm

Just another ranter on the Internet. Now in the Fediverse as
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