Everyone who has seen the movie Alien or any of its sequels knows and remembers the chest bursting scenes. But did you know that this scene isn’t as original as it seems on the surface. That there were a few incidents on Earth that gave arise to this idea.
First of all, the chest bursting thing never happened. That would be ridiculous. A creature bursting through the strong ribs of a human is unlikely. However it is just possible that a creature can burst through the soft walls of a stomach.
What kind of parasite would be able to do such a horrid deed? Why it is no other parasite than homo sapiens sapiens and it does it to its very own mother.
Well that’s a fine, “How do you do?” How could a human do such a horrid thing? Well of course the offending human was a fetus using its most powerful move – the kick.
Pregnant women survive kicks from their fetuses all the time. You see the problem exists with the proficiency of the fetus at kicking.
To find out about such births, we at Many Rants looked at some of the most proficient kickers of all time. We combed through the records of the best football kickers, the best martial artists and the greatest jockeys of all time. You might not know that proficient jockeys kick their rides in the stomach hard to get them to reach maximum speeds.
Sly Stamine is the first football kicker with a troubled birth that we found. Buried in the birth report made by the attending doctors, the birth was labelled as being premature due to “endopiercing of the womb and surrounding torso by the fetus itself. This forced the start of a cesarean section to remove the rest of the fetus.” For those of you who don’t know, endo means inner and piercing means to go through. There can only be one interpretation. Sly Stamine kicked so hard that his leg went right through his mother’s stomach.
I know the Alien didn’t come out foot first but reality is often different than fiction.
For those of you who don’t know, Stamine successfully kicked a 65 yard field goal that won the AFL championship.
Kick boxer, Tanu Leesmuh, also had a strange birth. His mother was thought to be murdered by the looks of the hole through her stomach. The police, however, noted that it was unlikely that the foot of the fetus would have made it through the hole if the hole was made exterior to interior. The police I think rightly insisted that the foot itself had exited the womb. His mother unfortunately died as a result but Tanu Leesmuh was known for having the strongest kick in all martial arts.
George Moore, the jockey, also had a tragic birth story. Before he was born his mother had great pain inside her back though strangely not around her back bone. She was quickly scanned and found to have two bad kidneys. His mother was put on dialysis after which the doctors induced George’s birth. They observed problematic tears right to her kidneys They fixed this and then got George’s uncle to donate a kidney to his Mom.
Everything worked out and everyone survived. But it is obvious that it was George’s strong kicks that risked all of them.
As an adult, George got some traction in the jockey world, winning many races but eventually his history followed him. The horses that he kicked to victory were not so good their next few races because they were bruised and sore. Eventually George had to retire.
So there it is. The next time you see a chest bursting scene in an Alien movie, you can say “I know where they got that whole idea.”
We Interview Some of the Ford Government’s New Appointees
LR: Fox Ford, you’ve been chosen as the province’s official chicken inspector. Is there anything you’d like to say to our readers?
FF: Not really. But I’m curious. If I were to, say, reject some meat where would they dispose of it?
LR: I’m not sure. Through proper procedures, I’m sure.
FF: What if I were to offer to take it off their hands. Free and clear. No disposal costs at all for them. Might that save them some money?
LR: Do you not understand how an interview works? I’m supposed to ask the questions.
Now, do you have any direction where you might take food inspection?
FF: I was thinking that really, can’t you tell if meat is good or bad at the farm first? Sorry about that question – it was rhetorical. I’ve always been able to size up a chicken and decide if it was good or bad while it was still alive. My stomach can attest to my 100% accuracy. Anyhow, I think we can move the inspection system to the farms for freshness. The system might be able to save on slaughtering costs as well. Just thinking aloud.
LR: My, Fox Ford, I just can’t seem to look away from your pointy face and red hair. And you look like you’re drowning in that suit.
FF: Do you have something you’re trying to tell me?
LR: There’s the questions again. Just thinking aloud. Like you did. If we’re off on the wrong foot just go.
Fox Ford leaves the interview.
*
LR: Now Sinbad Baddie, you’re the new pot czar for Ontario. May I ask, how do you know the Ford family?
SB: I’m entirely qualified to be pot czar. I used to supply drugs to Ontarians.
LR: Was that crack? And was it to the Ford family?
SB: I object to this line of questioning. You’re just assuming the worst because of my name. Well let me assure you that it is a double negative which is a positive.
LR: It’s a triple negative which is a negative.
SB: Agree to disagree.
LR: Alright. The government way underestimated the potential pot market and there are shortages everywhere province wide. Is that because someone in government asked their dealer and the dealer lied in order to enrich themselves.
SB: I object to this line of questioning, too. Are you trying to out me as a dealer or as a member of government. I can’t decide which.
LR: I am trying to out you both ways.
SB: Now I know why people in politics always use that handy “No comment” answer. No comment.
LR: Do you have anything else the public might want to know?
SB: No comment.
*
LR: Digby Runes, may I just say how glad I am to meet the appointee in charge of manufacturing and industry. I am pleased to say you are not a Ford or a known friend of the Fords.
DR: Yes, yes. I am happy to be here.
LR: You must be an expert in your field to be chosen for this.
DR: Quite right. I have been in middle management in the manufacturing field for years.
LR: Middle management? They could have promoted almost anyone from that. Why you?
DR: I think I bring skills they needed.
LR: Like what?
DR: Like my total commitment to the job. No matter what they want I will try, try, try to make it happen.
LR: So your skill is you try at your job?
DR: Yes, yes.
LR: Digby Runes, are you a Yes man?
DR: Yes, yes. Quite, quite.
LR: As a Yes man, what do you see as your most important goal?
DR: With GM abandoning part of Ontario and Chrysler still being uncompetitive I see an opening with cars for this to be Ford Nation.
LR: Ontario’s not a nation, Canada is.
DR: Things change.
LR: And Ford is getting out of making any cars. It would be more like Honda nation.
DR: SUVs, then. Still Ford Nation.
LR: Doesn’t that sound like a stupid plan to you?
DR: Yes, this interview is over.