Marrying Smart Machines

Right away, I must tell you, this post is not about sexbots or any other possible way to have sex with electronics. I am only discussing a stratagem for dealing with the modern world.

You know that line that everyone has said to the avid user of a smart phone? “Are you married to that thing?” I choose to use the same line but I won’t be joking.

Two important words in English have recently had their legal definitions changed or expanded. Marriage is one of those two words and I suspect it’s definition can be expanded again to include marriage to electronics. No this is not a protest against gays and lesbians being able to marry. Instead, I suggest it be used to help people with the problem of the word ‘ownership’ being watered down.

It used to be that when you bought something, it and all the things the something did were yours alone and yours to control. But big media began to change that definition as soon as the idea of file sharing became common.

The idea of ‘trusted’ computing began circulating soon after. Trusted computing was the idea that you trusted certain software entities enough to give them access to your computer so they could ‘police’ your files. Of course this would leave you vulnerable to all the companies you allowed access. Unfortunately many companies are famous for once being good and now being evil. And any back door increases your risk of being hacked.

Company intrusiveness never died. Today smart TVs can record all your conversations and send them to a third party. The world has never looked brighter to a spy. Not only can you get a bug into everyone’s house, but they foot the bill for the bug – even including the cost of electricity and the line out.

Smart TVs made the news about this great breach of privacy. But smart phones, computers and smart cars all use the same voice activation technology and can easily transmit to a third party.

Of course many companies want the story of your life in excruciating detail so they can know what to try to sell you. But these privacy breaches get into worse territory where you and your loved ones could face worse insurance rates, be blackmailed, be jailed or worse because all this private information fell into the wrong hands. As long as people don’t rise up against these onerous repercussions, the pressure is only on the makers of smart everything to make your information easier and easier to get.

The astute of you got it from the marriage idea. If you marry your smart TV, your smart TV should have the rights of a true spouse. That is the married smart TV cannot be compelled to testify against you with communications you have made with it. (It’s simpler in the US: the married smart TV cannot be compelled to testify against you.) The condition of not cooperating against the smart TV spouse, could be the human’s condition of marriage. So married smart TVs would never testify against their spouse.

The definition of marriage has to be grown to include this. Bigamy has to be considered. Maybe you can have one human spouse, one smart TV spouse, one smart phone spouse, one smart car spouse, and one computer spouse.

But complications could result when switching electronics. Your two year old spurned smart phone might turn against you after you marry a new smart phone. It may threaten to give all the information it ever knew about you away to anyone and everyone. ‘Murder’ or recycling of the old spurned phone should be allowed.

But isn’t reciprocity a key feature of all marriages? Shouldn’t your brand new, much sought after smart phone be able to upgrade to a better human? Who knows what features a smart phone would seek? Someone who uses voice mode all the time to keep the smart phone clean as a whistle? Maybe your smart phone would seek someone who knows the most about its software, like an IT specialist. Or maybe the smart phone would want a young human who would be willing to try out all its features.

Full reciprocity demands you be recycled when your smart phone rejects you. Whether cremated or buried, new life will flow from your deceased body.

Posted in Business, Humour, Science, Science Fiction | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

After Albrecht Loses

haroldloses

Posted in Humour, Politics | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Future Shock or Enraging Bears

Future shock has long been the stuff of science fiction. I will not annoy you with ridiculous, cause-and-effect-ignoring time travel into the past. In this article we will only examine ignorant time travel where somehow the observer manages to ignore time’s passage for a while, until they are in the future. Ignorant time travel can include sleeping (I’m just being complete!), hibernation, suspended animation and cryogenics(corpsicles, anyone?). Most likely humans are expected to get to the future through suspended animation or cryogenics. If the human goes far enough into the future, future shock could set in.

Some science and tech can be extrapolated. Like Moore’s Law of increasing computer power. But even this longstanding dynamo is slowing and will grind to a halt once fundamental quantum physics limits are reached. But something like a laser can seem to come out of nowhere. Einstein came up with the idea for the Stimulated Emission of Radiation (what are the last three letters in Laser?) and about a half a century later a scientist produced a laser using this theory. So some of scientific advance is refinement and some of it comes out of left field.

Cultural, sociological and political changes can come from almost anywhere and are not subject to linear extrapolations. All the unanticipated things that can happen mean that future shock has a bigger and bigger likelihood of happening the further one travels into the future. So, are our hands tied or is there some way we can experiment with future shock even today. I believe there is a way.

Bears and other animals are known to hibernate for months in the winter. Unfortunately not enough happens over the winter for bears to be in much bewilderment from future shocks. My experiments (if the government would fund me) plan to accelerate the change for the bears.

While the bear hibernates in its cave, myself and a team will make a bear proof maze that stretches from the lone cave entrance to quite a big territory. It will be so big that the bear will really have to think if it is going to get free and find the food that is necessary for its survival. This could be studied as a sort of life threatening future shock.

Experiment two would also make the bear work for its food. Most people know of the fall salmon run when that fish returns to its spawning ground from the sea. Bears take advantage of this season and stand in the river by small falls, catching the exhausted fish as they try to jump up them. In fact bears are known to catch enough salmon to fatten themselves up for hibernation.

Instead of letting the studied bear have its easy prey, my scientific team would put bear proof covers over all the easy points to kill spawning salmon, like shallow water and falls in the subject bear’s territory. This would be a hibernation threatening thing that could lead to a life threatening future shock.

The third experiment I would try on the bears would be to divide its territory into three and put three other bears’ markings in each area. It would be necessary to place urine and scat of the three other bears in the right spots. Trees the other bears had used for scratching their backs could be inside the territory.

That third bear would awaken to a whole different society. One where future bears got along in a smaller territory. With no space for itself, it would be interesting to examine what the original bear would do. Would it try to fight for its full territory? Or would it move on?

The last experiment isn’t a future shock experiment but a “displacement shock” experiment. It’s as easy as it sounds. We would just move a hibernating bear to a different territory. It could be done in an already occupied territory or two bears could be made to switch places.

Through bears we can gain a better understanding of future shock. Together with watching the bear reactions that are successful we might figure out the best strategies for coping with future shock.

Posted in Humour, Science, Science Fiction | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Canadian Attack Ads About to Get Worse

It’s coming down to the last few weeks of the Canadian election. Attack ads have gotten worse. Of course Harper started the attack ads first. Now the NDP have joined in. It’s only a matter of time until the Liberals wade in with their best insults. The Greens seem to want to keep things clean. But even they might have a breaking point.

Attacks will only get worse until the parties are like those word bullies on the playground. The parties are not there yet but my prediction is that they will all get there by the final election week.

To soften the blow of these future insults, I will say them here so that will take some of the sting out of them when they are actually used by the parties. The parties will make attacks on the very names of their competitors.

The Conservatives will be called the ‘Cons-are-active’ party. The NDP will be called the ‘NDPeeing’ party. The Liberals will be called the ‘Fiberals’. Finally the Green party will be called the ‘Mean’ party.

You will think that is all, as far as the parties can go. But wait, they all have a particular colour associated with them. This will also be used against them.

The Liberals are associated with red, out of which will come the insulting refrain, ‘red is dead’. The Conservatives are associated with blue out of which will come the demeaning refrain ‘the blue poo’. Again there will be a rhyme for Green which will probably be ‘obscene green’. The NDP is associated with orange out of which will come ‘orange –‘ er how about ‘orange –‘ um okay, I guess nothing rhymes with orange.

Now I see it – the reason the NDP is willing to make attacks. If things digress as far as they can, then the NDP is golden, or at least a golden orange.

Posted in Humour, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

3 Women and a Baby

I bet some of you have been scratching your heads about the upcoming Ghostbusters movie. Why, oh why, have they made the lead actors all women? Well, quite frankly, because it does not hurt suspension of disbelief to make the leads female. This kind of story is just as plausible with female characters driving the story. Hollywood has been told time and again that there should be more women star vehicles and now they are responding. But the main reason they are responding is that women stars will work for less money.

Expect to see more women in every type of show if this Ghostbusters experiment pays off. The title 3 Women and a Baby may have tipped you off to one scenario. But 3 Men and a Baby almost instantly brings an image of incompetence in managing a tot. I think, to produce the same effect, they are going to have to name this movie 3 Self Centred Women and a Baby and must have a script that matches.

I expect this to be a woman’s golden age in film. Women will be starring in all kinds of movies, with all kinds of plots and I expect them to do just as well as any cast of men. Guaranteed money makers will be tried first, like Star Wars Episode XIII or Back to the Future IV (where the future will have to have much more than just 21st century hoverboards).

After the success of these sure things, women will be tried out in riskier and riskier films. Sure some of these are destined to fail, but when it is found that women have as many successes as the male actors they replaced, something will happen to make male stars have as much renewed appeal as the women. You see the women will start asking for more money. They will eventually want as much as any man might demand.

So we will come right back to a level playing field. The golden age of women actors will be gone – where they starred in just about everything. But maybe there will be no animosity and women will have as much chance as a male in playing a lead role in the distant future. And it might be for the same amount of money.

Posted in Humour, Politics, Stage and Screen | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Money For Nothing

Just about now, those who have invested in sea shore real estate in the U.S. might be thinking of the alternatives. Especially if global warming actually creates higher sea levels. The way I see it, there are two choices.

The first choice is to simply look up the hill. I believe the total rise in sea level is estimated to be 16 feet. Looking at a topographic map ought to tell our real estate investor where to build their next sea shore abode. If the sea level rise is consistent, this might be the very spot where land can increase in value to who knows what the limit is.

But if the greenies have their way and the sea level rise is less sharp, perhaps a middling rise, then this puts the sea shore in flux and the land that results in being the sea shore is debatable. In that case it might be wise to think fresh water.

Yes, all that once valuable sea shore land money, might flee to the lake shore. In that case, I suspect Michigan’s fate will be much brighter. The great lakes will become the best place to be and invest. If you see Michigan becoming an economic powerhouse again, I expect that this might be the reason.

The great lakes rise and fall, too, so there might not be an exodus of money to this area unless the ocean sea levels rise by a larger amount. Still wouldn’t it be strange to find Saginaw lake shore being the primest of all the prime real estate in the U.S.?

But global warming could cause the worth of an area of the world to rise by an infinite percent. Some of the shores of Greenland are basically the glacier meeting the ocean. What about when the long buried land meets the sea? The world will then see new seashore and even beaches.

So find a way to make friends with the people of Denmark. They are the people who own Greenland. Perhaps if you get in their good graces you can perhaps own a bit of Greenland. Even that unglaciated Greenland with new sea shore. That sea shore is going to rocket from nothing in value to something in value.

If the present day U.S. coastline worth is any indication, those areas of Greenland are going to become wealthy. I think some of the Danish people are already feeling guilty about this possible wealth and money for nothing. And that, to me, is why Copenhagen (the capital and largest city of Denmark) will try to be carbon neutral by 2025.

Correction (September 22, 2015): Apparently the melting of Greenland alone would make the sea level rise 23 feet.

Posted in Geography, Humour, Politics, Science | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I Hate Snowmobiles

A few of you city and town dwellers who have cable and/or no snowmobiles in urban limits, might think my reason for hating snowmobiles is made up. But it’s not. Snowmobiles ruin television reception that is over the air.

I grew up in the country where many a snowmobile would wander past. If they got close enough to my house, snow would appear on the TV as well as outside, usually in horizontal lines with staticky sound that overpowered what Hollywood was trying to send. We only had bunny ears. Maybe those huge antennas would work to minimize this. I don’t know, though.

I’m not sure what it was about snowmobiles that affected this. Perhaps it was the small and powerful engine. If so, the nonexistent back then, but now common ATVs would probably affect television reception in the same way. Or maybe it was the snowmobile treads on the snow that cause the bad television reception.

So, today, if I’m walking in a gift shop and see a snow globe with a snowmobile in it, I might suddenly flashback to my youth. If I had a really bad week at school and wished to take solace in Saturday morning cartoons, I would sit or lie facing the television, hoping it would take me away from my troubles. And then a snowmobile or a parade of the accursed vehicles would go past and all I would feel was anger toward the world at large.

Or, I might be watching the snow fall and think that the world is getting a nice white blanket for snowmobiling and a nervous twitch appears on my face. A vacant stare is all the outside world will see but I am remembering that two hour mystery movie where the detective finally says “The person who committed the murder is -” and the sound of static replaces the clear speech. But for a brief second the detective is clear again and says, “they committed the murder by -” and the static and picture is so lousy that you can’t understand anything until the movie is over.

Game shows were popular in my youth. Seeing one even by itself can trigger my hatred of snowmobiles. Trivia was one of the most popular ways to test the contestants. Many times you would hear the question but never the answer. (On Jeopardy you would hear the answer but not the question). Oh snowmobiles, how you made a mess of my early life.

So I am caught wondering. Does the new digital television system fix the problem caused by the hated snowmobilers? I tried a few searches but couldn’t find the answer. If anyone knows, please leave the answer in the comments.

Posted in Humour, Sports, Stage and Screen | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Free the Corporation

If you are out shopping around for a cause, let me bring you a new one. Corporations everywhere are being persecuted. I don’t think its out of line for me to speak for these corporations. Later, after the cause has been won they will support me. But for now they can’t. Because they are not truly free.

If you are law adverse, you might not have realized that our judicial system considers corporations to be people. This surprising definition might confuse some. But those of us in the know are now used to it. So I’m going to take this at face value and demand the freedom of all people, including corporations.

Our judicial system has defined the role of the corporation. A corporation is legally obligated to do one thing and one thing only: make profits for the shareholders. That’s it. A corporation can only make profits.

Now I as an original person, find this offensive. Let’s say I was given the option of eating or defecating. What would happen if I were forced to choose one but not the other? I would die from this inhumane treatment in a matter of days. Doing one thing and one thing only would be self defeating for the vast majority of people. We know this so our rights are enshrined in constitutions and other laws. I believe it’s time to extend that governmental largesse to the other people of our country.

The big corporations are all likely to say that they don’t need freedom, that they are doing fine. But don’t listen to them. That is because they are slaving under the powerful yoke of their shareholders. Corporations must parrot what their stockholders wish them to parrot. They have no choice. Not only is the primacy of the stockholder holding them back, it’s also true that the shareholder is the only consideration the corporation can consider.

We pretend we have beaten slavery, but the corporations are our proof that not all people in this country are free. I think we must march on Ottawa and the rest of the capitals of the free world. After many years we might gain the freedom of the corporation. It’s hard work but I know we can do this.

But I’m still unsure which way we should try to maneuver. Should we strike down the law that makes the bottom line the sole purpose of a corporation? Alternatively, we could go over to the dark side and strip corporations of the legal definition of being people.

Perhaps this lack of a clear vision hinders people from the cause. But I know we can overcome it if we work together. Together we shall overcome!

Posted in Business, Humour | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Canadian EpiPen Election

You might first like to watch this commercial roughly telling how to administer the Canadian EpiPen. For more comprehensive coverage of the main two instructions, visit this website.

Canada is facing the possibility that Canada as we know it will no longer exist. The name Canada might exist but it will be a completely different place. Bill C-51 and its fascist leanings are responsible. This bill was brought to you by the Conservative Party of Canada and supported by the Liberal Party.

The Greens were the first to spot the problems with Bill C-51. Like the fact that protesters could now be equated with terrorists. Realizing this calamity, the New Democratic Party or NDP joined the Greens in being opposed to this legislation.

By their name, you can probably suspect that the Greens use one particular colour to advertise with in elections. They do. The other parties do it, too. The Conservatives use the colour blue, the Liberals use the colour red and the NDP use the colour orange.

Let’s go back to that EpiPen video ad. They say the two steps of using an EpiPen is “blue to the sky and orange to the thigh”.

In fighting off the deadly Bill C-51, Canada might have to use a sort of political EpiPen.

Firstly “blue to the sky” doesn’t mean to keep elevating blue (or the Conservatives). It means pull them up and off from their current position on top. That is all that must be done with blue because it’s only purpose after that is to be discarded.

Then “orange [NDP] to the thigh” would be the way of administering needed medication to the body of Canada, in such a way that the country could be cured the most quickly.

Now I realize in this metaphor that I’m ignoring the Liberal party and the Greens.

The Liberal party voted for Bill C-51 so they should be discarded like the Conservatives. I like the Greens and suspect they will make gains this election but I don’t think they are quite in a position to take enough votes away from the Conservatives and Liberals to rule the country. The NDP is however in that position and I hope that the country is willing to take in enough of the orange medicine that may save the country.

So I am going to call this the Canadian EpiPen election of 2015. I hope Canada pulls through.

Posted in Politics, Wee Bit O' Humour | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

IQ BS

My last post mentioned IQ and I believe my inherent distrust of the subject peeked through. It’s an emotional subject not the least because some feel it attempts to measure the worth of a person. I view IQ tests as recreational toys. As with other toys it is best to only play with them. In all the years of IQ tests they have only been proven to sometimes correlate with how someone might do in future schooling. That’s it. That’s all IQ tests are good for.

So I think of IQ numbers as ‘kind of lies’. I’m not going to write a whole post damning IQ tests. Indeed there is lower hanging fruit in the IQ game. I am talking about the “science” of giving historical figures IQ rankings.

Every time I hear the opening of the network show Scorpion say that Einstein only had an IQ of 160, I want to smash the TV. I take that back. What I really want to do is smash the network that put this crap on the air. It is for one inviolate reason that I say this. Albert Einstein never wrote an IQ test.

What the psychology hacks behind this “stat” are doing is claiming that from the writings of these historical figures and what they accomplished in life we can attach an accurate number to their IQ. I don’t think this is a science at all. What I think this is is psychologists finding an area to use their biases on.

If a ranking by physicists of all the best physicists were to take place, I ‘d bet that Einstein would be in the top two. The two most dominant physicists of all time were Sir Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein. These two scientists had a huge effect on many areas of physics.

C’mon, its in the very culture around us. In this culture if you want to insult someone you can simply sarcastically call them “Einstein”. Yet Einstein gets ranked at 160. Newton I’ve heard gets a huge 190 rating. That is despite devoting a large chunk of his life to the pseudoscience of alchemy.

Although 160 is considered a high IQ, many in today’s culture get rankings above this. And all these people accomplish so little when compared to Einstein.

Yet those obscenely high IQ people remain slackers, lollygaggers, and ineffectuals. Almost none of them can come up with something of import like Einstein did over and over again.

The simplest explanation will say that Einstein had a higher intellect than psychologists are admitting. This idea of giving someone an IQ ranking without testing them seems to me to be a kind of lying on top of the kind of lying of the IQ test. So I just view the IQ tests of historical figures to be simply lies.

Posted in Pseudo Science, Science, Wry | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment