The Many Rants of Larry Russwurm

I’m tempted to say the Guinness book of World Records or any compilations of “ests” (as opposed to “ers”) is almost completely filled by nerd culture. But then I remember all the accidents of birth like the Grand Canyon and tallest people in the world and realize that nerd culture isn’t responsible for all records.

Then I’m tempted to say that all categories that humanity has to strive for are nerd culture. But that, too, isn’t completely true when we take into account sports records. These days athletes have to strive almost as single mindedly as the nerd but let’s face it, they got to the top echelon of athletics largely by more accidents of birth. Faster reaction times, longer legs, etc., depending on the sport is an athlete’s prime attributes. All that training they do just refines their inborn characteristics. Most of us know this which is why we stopped competing at the end of junior high school or high school.

So nerd culture isn’t involved in all records or “ests”. But it is responsible for quite a few of them.

The fastest man alive is hardly ever seen near a track. No the fastest man alive went to the moon. Everyone knows that astronauts hold this record. And what is an astronaut? They are just risk taking nerds.

Ever wanted to blow stuff up? Yup nerds are responsible for the atomic bomb, and later the hydrogen bomb – the biggest explosions the earth has ever seen. And enough chemical explosives, also set off by nerds, can also produce a mushroom cloud. Nerds hold all the records for blowing things up.

Mountain climbers seem almost a little too proud of how high they’ve managed to climb. Although some nerds might be mountain climbers, they freely admit the highest a human has gotten is, again, to the moon.

I believe James Cameron went on the deepest dive on Earth. And that’s quite right, Mr. Cameron, I’m outing you as a nerd.

I could go on and on. Sometime it would be interesting to examine all world records and see how many we are only capable of due to nerds.

Although at the time of this writing I have gotten no feedback, I can almost hear the clamouring amongst nerd adverse athletes. “We’re not talking machines here. The fastest man alive is of course Usain Bolt, whine, whine, whine, etc.” Look the only thing humans are better at than the animal kingdom is in our brain/building power. So to me the record that counts is the one made by using anything we are capable of .

As for those nerd adverse athletes a couple shots have been fired across your bow already. Prosthetics and steroids are nerd developed things. And nowadays athletes have to pay attention to these. You might be able to wallow forever in your walled garden of strictly human sports records, but my money says that some day some entrepreneurs might ask, “Well what kind of records do steroids actually lead to?”

As bionics and bipedal robotics become more mature technologies, more and more people will ask “What records are now possible?” Maybe they’ll all have their own leagues. But people will compare between categories or leagues. So eventually I suspect we’ll find normal athletes will pay for their limbs to be taken off and replaced by better, stronger and faster bionics. But those bipedal robots will likely end up with most records anyway. So the determined athlete will get rid of all except their brain. All in order to compete at the highest level.

If it all comes down to the athlete’s brain – then I bet nerds will have a chance, too. So all those athletic records, those outside the pure human ghetto of normal athletics, might be dominated by nerds.

And just how long will it take before some enterprising nerd with lots of robot labourers,decides to build a bigger canyon than the Grand Canyon? Just saying. Nerds might eventually take over much more of the Guinness recognized records.

And I hope I didn’t make an ash of myself with the title.