Cut Off the Coattails

Posted on 8 January 2011 by Larry Russwurm

Most of what we call progress is brought to us through science. And that science is generally moved forward by scientists and technologists.

As science becomes more complex and is built upon more previous work, shouldn’t we as a society try to make life easier for those scientists and technologists so real progress can be made in the world? What I am about to suggest is cutting off some people and influences in society that have been getting a free ride on science’s coattails while actively inhibiting scientists and technologists.

Let’s take those people who pooh pooh carbon dating as a technique and claim the earth is only 6 000 years old. Since they don’t really believe radiation theory, perhaps when some of them develop cancer we can avoid radiation treatments and opt for something they are more likely to believe in like the power of prayer.

What about the bullies that worked against the nerds that were to become future scientists? Are we just to let the adult scientists and technologists possibly take revenge in later life? Or should we just make it automatic that the year the bully started his targeting of a victim, is the year he thought things had come to perfection. In other words all technology past this year should never be allowed to work in the bully’s favour. Or perhaps we can make him regress even further and live the life of an Amish person or Old Order Mennonite. Wouldn’t it be even more sweet if we could throw in the non violence part, too?

Scientists and technologists are sometimes also disdained by the people they would like a romance with. Perhaps potential lovers who spurn all scientists and technologists could be banned from undergoing all plastic surgery procedures and the like. Undoubtedly a lot of them are vain enough that this would hurt. A warning to the scientists and technologists: while maybe not being scientists, doctors and nurses are certainly technologists and romances with those in either field are usually considered higher than normal status. So it would be rare to find a person who spurned romance with all scientists and technologists.

Now, with the road clear from some obstacles in life, maybe the scientists and technologists could see life being less about man vs. man and more about man vs. nature. Then perhaps progress would move faster. But then again I’m a self admitted progress junkie.

Posted in Humour, Politics, Science | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Of Rock Picking and Cow Tipping

Posted on 5 January 2011 by Larry Russwurm

Now anyone who has seen the dark comedy Heathers (1989) has heard of cow tipping. This is the “sport” of sneaking up on a sleeping cow and pushing it onto its side (cows can sleep standing up). It has a made up sound to it and Heathers never shows it actually being done.

Sounding equally made up is the activity of rock picking. Farmers go about picking up the rocks they find in their fields and put them somewhere that their farm implements will not be damaged by them. But after doing this once, shouldn’t a farmer have to never do this again in the same field?

One of these two activities happens regularly on farms. The other almost never happens. This is a test, city people. Which of these two things is more a part of rural life?

Don’t look down, decide right now.

Let’s look at cow tipping. First of all, cows are skittish of all movement near them. Maybe most or all of them will be asleep, but they hang out in herds. All it takes is for one to be a light sleeper and it will awaken the rest just by moving loudly away from the movement.

Secondly, if you can sneak up on one, cows weigh about 1300 pounds or 580 kilograms. It’s probably going to take a couple of strong men to tip one over. And you still can’t wake it.

Thirdly, dairy cows cost thousands of dollars. Do you think a farmer is going to stand idly by while you tip over his prize cow and possibly injure it?

Fourthly, cows are rounded up by night fall and sleep in the barn. How many cows have you seen outside at night?

I lived 16 years in a rural area and not once did I hear about a cow being tipped. I did however hear about rock picking. In fact I helped rock pick a couple times.

I tried looking it up briefly online but couldn’t find anything about rock picking.

I had heard it said once that rock picking was needed because of long ago ice sheets.

I forget exactly how it works, now, but I know that ice sheets, as they move, sheer off rock from some parts and bring them to non rocky soils. So that’s why rocks exist in the soil in the first place. But I am not sure about the mechanism that brings new rocks to the top of the soil every few years. Plowing only disturbs the very top of the soil.

So, quite probably, rock picking is not necessary in tropical or near tropical areas. But I live in the Great Lakes area and those five lake beds were supposed to also be carved by ice sheets that were as much as a mile high.

So, to me, cow tipping is an interesting fiction but rock picking is a sometimes necessary task.

Posted in Business, Social Science, Wee Bit O' Humour | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Did the Vain Cat Start Bulimic Reasoning

Posted on 3 January 2011 by Larry Russwurm

Svelte, lithe, limber and supple all are words often used to describe cats. So much so that mixing the word feline into this list, wouldn’t be thought of as far off base.

Many times this same list could be used to describe thin and slender humans. Especially if they are of the more graceful kind. As for the feline quality, think how many times you’ve seen a slender female dressed as a cat for Hallowe’en.

All these words are thought of as a positive. So much so in society that many people suffer from bulimia. In an effort to be thin and have it all, bulimia victims allow themselves to eat a lot but only if they are willing to vomit it out and thus maintain a svelte, lithe body. Purging is the one activity that can merge these disparate states, making repeated acts of purging almost addictive.

Was the idea of purging a human act, first, or did we look to our cat friends and put together svelte and lithe with vomiting?

Sure some cats might not realize what they are doing and really only cough things up because too much fur gets ingested during grooming. But doesn’t that very act of grooming suggest that cats are somehow vain?

Isn’t it just possible that some cats are indeed purging? They can’t put their fingers down their throats but they can lick up more fur. Did cats pass on this ill behaviour to human kind? Did the original bulimic watch a cat and get inspired? Did not someone realize that some cats can be fed as much food as they want but still stay svelte and lithe?

But then what about the fat cats of the world? They exist, especially in the indoor cat population. Perhaps they are the mentally healthy cats. But I and many others have seen them groom, too. Why aren’t they svelte and lithe?

Don’t forget the fat cats of this world compete against other cats. Perhaps they groom just enough to look pretty but not so much to make themselves purge. Maybe they think that there are other attractive properties than svelte, lithe, limber and supple. Even in the vain cat world, beauty isn’t always just one dimensional. Too bad that message hasn’t escaped into all of society, especially the bulimic parts.

Posted in History, Humour, Language, Pets, Social Science | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Machinations of Plastic Surgeons

Posted on 29 December 2010 by Larry Russwurm

Plastic surgery may look pretty good to us who are unbeautiful. Maybe plastic surgery is a conduit to a pleasant, superficial life. But what lies behind the dark doors of that profession?

There is no undo button on plastic surgery. If you get an operation you might have some scars. If you try to undo the operation you might look the same as you started only with two operations worth of scars.

That’s looking at it from your perspective. Perhaps there’s an undo button from the surgeon’s perspective. There just might be but it’s macabre. I don’t believe I’m the first to think of this. I believe many surgeons have thought of what I’m going to relay. And the human species being what it is, it’s even probable that some surgeon has acted on the idea.

The surgeon’s undo button would be the next patient. You see, as with any surgery, there is a risk of death with plastic surgery. Now let’s say the plastic surgeon has horribly ruined the operation. Doesn’t the idea of letting the patient die on the operating table cross their mind? Then the surgeon can pretend the death was an accident. And there would not be living proof of a patient that has gotten uglier instead of more beautiful.

Indeed, once it has come to the attention of the union of plastic surgeons, would it not be for the betterment of this organization to kill off any number of horrible accidents from the operating room.

Loved ones would know that the victim had died without healing first from the surgery. Thus, if the operation was on the face, closed casket ceremonies would be provided. Clothes would cover the other types of plastic surgeries.

If the plastic surgeon union found one member was having too many “accidental deaths”, then perhaps they would censure him and perhaps take his licence. Here is where we might catch the conspiracy in the act. Perhaps the plastic surgeon union would replace him with someone who is more artistic rather than someone more competent at medicine.

And if this more artistic surgeon had fewer deaths than most plastic surgeons, you could bet that the undos in plastic surgery were happening exactly as I stated it.

So what can you do if you’re interested in plastic surgery even after what I’ve explained to you? Just put yourself in the mental mode that you’ll either become more beautiful or die trying. Which, knowing of the death rate, you have to do anyway.

Posted in Art, Humour, Politics, Science | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

Santa Stakeout

Posted on 25 December 2010 by Larry Russwurm

I did indeed stakeout the neighbourhood last night, just like I said I would last post. I had a chair, paper and a pencil and that promised red light flashlight. Most of the time I stood, though, because the chair was cold.

It was a long stakeout. I went out just after 10 p.m. because I figure that’s when kids are put to bed. I was out for hours and was getting a bit cold although dressed very warmly. However, what made me go in for a few moments was the fact that I had to go to the washroom. I rushed inside and into the washroom but I still almost missed Santa. What I saw when I came out I’ve copied to this blog below.

What I saw agreed with what my friend Jerome Watson said! (last post)  The blobs pictured are, I think, flying reindeer lifting Santa’s sleigh and pulling it forward.  The reddish glow I think is Rudolph and the big blob being towed could be Santa in his sleigh.

Since the sleigh and everything else left really quickly, I didn’t get to see them in action delivering gifts. But this is how Jerome says it goes down. The reindeer are able to hover like a helicopter or a hummingbird and can gently lower the sleigh to a roof or the ground. This explains why Santa doesn’t make a huge clatter and wake everyone in the house.

Of course what I saw wasn’t definitive. I can’t be sure that the blobs were reindeer and Santa’s sleigh. But Jerome and I propose this alternate theory of Santa and his sleigh. Maybe one day we’ll be able to decide between our theory and the Standard Model of Santa.

Posted in Announcements, Science | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

On Santa

Posted on 22 December 2010 by Larry Russwurm

Some years ago I traveled to Buffalo, New York with my Dad. While there, we went to a second hand shop. On the wall ( I forget if it was for sale or not) was an elaborate etching. I’ve crudely drawn the outline of it below. As shown it contained Santa and all his reindeer and the simple point “If Reindeer could fly…”

Now I know a bit about engineering and mechanics and the etching was correct. If Santa’s sleigh were pulled by the reindeer in the ordinary fashion, this is exactly what would happen. There has to be another way. I’ve mentioned this to a few of my interested friends. The more science adept agree with the etching.

But one of my friends, Jerome Watson, suffers from insomnia and he claims to have seen Santa on Christmas Eve one year. He says that the Standard Model of Santa’s sleigh being pulled by reindeer is incorrect. He told me how he saw it the one year. Now I’m not going to relay what he saw until after I’ve seen for myself. I don’t want to unfairly prejudice the public’s opinion.

On Christmas Eve this year, I will stay up for Santa’s arrival, There are a few kids in the neighbourhood and at least one of them must have been good. I will keep watch and hopefully sketch my results for you. Unfortunately I don’t have a camera that can shoot in the dark very well, so the sketch will have to do.

I’m an amateur astronomer so I’ve sketched things in the night sky before. I will use a red light flashlight which will allow my eyes to remain dark adapted. I will try to publish my findings on Christmas day.

Posted in Announcements, Science | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Happy Blogiversary

Posted on 20 December 2010 by Larry Russwurm

Today marks my first complete year of blogging. Like most bloggers I’m stat obsessed so let me share some with you.

I’ve written 82 posts. That’s one a week for the first half of the year then all the way up to two posts a week for the second half. I never thought at the beginning that I’d be able to put out two a week but here we are.

I get over 100 unique visitors a day. That’s been steadily increasing – it was much lower at the start of the year. In total I’ve garnered over 7500 unique visitors and with them got over 45 000 pageviews.

More interesting is to see which blog posts got the most views. With my stats the way they are, I can only name the top 3. They are “The Horny Shower Curtain”, “What I Don’t Like About Asimov’s 3 Laws of Robotics”, and “Theme Songs and Age of Shows”.

I knew there would be buzz about my take on Asimov’s 3 Laws of Robotics. It’s not every day that you find flaws in a set of short stories and books. But Asimov’s own success led to this, I came up with my problems without referring to an Asimov book or story. You see I had memorized the 3 Laws of Robotics. I was actually trying to see if I could extend or build upon them and found the flaws instead.

So I’m a bit surprised that The Horny Shower Curtain was the most popular of my posts. It’s not as totally original as one might think, I know I’ve heard the phrase “overly amorous shower curtain” before. I’d say where I heard it but I don’t remember that. If anyone knows please comment and I’ll post it. I added the correct reason for the ‘horny shower curtain’. It is indeed because of the partial vacuum in a shower. I forgot why this is so – I did a project on about 20 vacuum creating systems and machines and how they are measured – so many that I only remember a couple. But now we have the internet and I rediscovered the answer just a minute ago. The moving water moves the air and moving air is less dense than the air on the other side of the shower curtain. Which creates the partial vacuum. And no, I didn’t really ask all the people I said I did. I’m a firm believer that if a tree falls in the forest it does make a sound.

I’m most surprised that “Theme Songs and Age of Shows” is the third favourite post. I didn’t even draw a straight line graph for it though that was ‘drawn’ with words. Maybe people are captivated by the almost disappearance of the television theme song.

I can guess at the other most popular posts because I check my stats regularly. The No Name Decades, Not Novel and What Has Fair Trade Coffee Spawned were all in the top 3 at one point. Squealing on my Bacteria and Virus Overlords, Rap as Social Engineering, They’re Coming, I Believe in Astrology, Blast from the Past II, Playing With Bitstrips, And Some Think Hawking’s American Accent is Funny, Metallica’s “One” Not So Bleak, and Slackers are/were popular posts. So if you just want to navigate my “best of” that’s a good start.

I get rid of many comments with hardly a second thought. Most of these are spam. If you want your comment to make it, something as simple as mentioning part of the post makes it obvious that you are not spam.

When I started out, it was as a joke site. Set as my default category is “Humour”. But it was apparent very early on that some of the posts I meant and was really ranting about. Thus I added the category “Wee Bit O’ Humour”. So if I added as little as one joke, I could put the post here. Half my posts involve this newer category. What can I say? I grew into my blog name and am really ranting half the time.

Posted in Announcements | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Two Thoughts

Posted on 18 December 2010 by Larry Russwurm

Maybe one day I will get into the Denting or Tweeting lifestyle. But so far my thoughts I’ve thought worthy of publishing to the world are too large for Twitter or even Identi.ca . So here are two thoughts that are too long for Twitter or Identi.ca, squeezed into a post.

Thanks to bald people, we are aware that facial expression covers all the seen parts of the face and neck – and not a square centimetre more.

I guess we are always to be kept in tune with what our contemporary humans are about. We need to see their emotion, possibly this could be life saving. We can find what is really important or at least important to the person displaying the emotion.

But evolutionarily, I think, we kept growing. Sometimes it wasn’t beneficial for all to know what we are feeling. For that reason, I think, men evolved beards to partially cover their faces and not let their emotions betray them so easily.

For this reason, I think bearded men are natural negotiators or poker players.

Maybe this inequality bothers humanity. Which could be why many men shave their faces completely.

Charles Dickens just went down 18 notches in my opinion. You see I just noticed there is a ghost of Christmas present. I never before got this two word pun.

Indeed it might be that the whole story, The Christmas Carol, was built up for the sole purpose of dispensing this pun to the world. Did I say 18 notches? Charles Dickens you’ve gone down 54 notches in my opinion.

Posted in Humour, Science, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

December

Posted on 14 December 2010 by Larry Russwurm

Alright, I’m mega years late to the party. I’ve known the song December by Collective Soul for ages but never knew all the words till I bought the CD on sale earlier this year.

Firstly December’s not like September where there are at least a handful of songs that mention this month in the title. The Collective Soul ditty is the only December mentioning song that I know.

But here’s what I now know is contained in the lyrics : “December songs no longer I sing”.

Because of what I stated earlier it can’t be songs that mention December in the title. Which leaves us with only one choice: they are referring to Christmas carols.

It doesn’t look like the band is overly bitter about the holiday – it just looks like their heart was trampled on in December.

But still I am slightly relieved to hear that. Why? Because it means that Collective Soul is not a Christian rock band. They toe the line rather close as “Shine” mentions heaven a lot and “The World I Know” seems spiritual. And then of course there is their religious seeming name.

Why should I care? Well I’ve seen them live and have enjoyed the music for years. I don’t mind the odd religious song from a good act, like say U2, or Supertramp,or XTC it’s just that I’m biased against completely Christian rock bands.

What a narrow focus if all the songs have some kind of religious purpose. It’s like writing all songs about being dumped by a redhead on Fridays. It’s so narrow it ceases to be entertainment to me. And it can’t surprise me.

Collective Soul, at least, surprised me with their anti Christmas carol stance even if it’s for only one song.

Posted in Music, Politics, Wee Bit O' Humour | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

The Key to Majority Government in Canada

Posted on 8 December 2010 by Larry Russwurm

Deep in the darkest recesses of Ottawa sits Stephen Harper, plotting his majority government and all the wonderful things he will do if he ever gets one. But I have news for you Mr. Harper. I have analysed the last 3 majority government leaders and have noticed one similarity between the 3 of them. You see Mr. Harper they are all easy to cartoon because they already look like caricatures. Below is my drawing of the three connected as they are by majority governments.

The head on the left is Trudeau who led for many years, in the middle is Chretien who had majorities for 3 terms and furthest right is Brian Mulroney who had two majorities. Or as I like to call them, What-the-bleep-is-that?, Twoface, and Chinosaurus. Successful politicians all and they are all easy to draw. Or for the public to easily recognize.

So ask yourself, Stephen Harper if you look like a caricature. Hint: I can make political cartoons but you I find problematic sometimes. These guys were a breeze to draw.

That’s right Stephen Harper, I predict only minority governments for you in the future. All thanks to my superscientific, new way to identify majority government prime ministers. You know Ignatieff does have those wicked eyebrows. I bet he’d be easy to cartoon.

Posted in Cartoon, Humour, Politics, Pseudo Science | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments