Faves of 2012

Posted on 29 December 2012 by Larry Russwurm

It’s the end of 2012 so let me share a couple of stats with you. I’ve received over 80 000 unique visitors in the three years I’ve had this blog. And in the last year I’ve contributed a 100 new posts for the blogosphere or 300 posts in total.

It’s boxing week and as those long time followers of this blog know, it’s time to list the favourite columns I have posted over the year. To make this list really easy to construct, I am simply going to choose my favourite post from each month of the year.

In January, the biggest story was the SOPA/PIPA political land grab. Some of this nonsense got defeated but I posted The Ligh-yer Based Professions and the Unending Copyright Wars. My Lawrence-Lawyer-Lighyer-Liar progression was the only levity in this piece.

Making Sense Out of Cell Replenishment is one of the better scientific articles of the year. And it has the popular culture take on some of this. In March I revealed Foiled by a Simple Law, an unsuccessful caper with a friend during my university career.

April saw a couple stories where I try to jump on the flaws in superhero stories. Green Lantern’s ring is invincible once he discover he can doppler shift any yellow enemies. The only way this could fail would be if Green Lantern is stupid. Welcome to Someone Forgot His Oath This Morning.

The Canadian Conservative party brought on Matchmaking Top Conservatives With Jobs all by themselves. They used spin so I reused that spin and pointed it back at them. The Story of the Lost Hijja is a story for our times. Let me repeat, our climate scientists are centrists, not extremists.

The Roman End of Years was my post showing that there is always an excuse for an end of the world scare. This one is on January 22, 3247. This post wasn’t nearly as simple to make as I had hoped it was. Indeed I had to do so much fiddling that it was the hardest post of the year.

I don’t know why I was on such a kick with vampires. This year I managed 4 posts. The Case for Vampires Staking Vampires was the best of these. September’s Show Swaps is still getting interest four months later. The title of Free Fall Vomit might stop the weak stomached people from even pressing the link.

I didn’t post much in November because I was doing NaNoWriMo. But I liked Mice Can Sing because I really didn’t know they could. And Stephen Harper Gets Cartoond rounds out the year with a visual piece.

I’ll be back with completely new posts in the new year.

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Meet the New NRA: Militant Socialists

Posted on 25 December 2012 by Larry Russwurm

The NRA has a new idea that was brainstormed last week following the tragic shooting in Newtown, Connecticut. You’ve undoubtedly heard their call for MORE guns. More specifically they want an armed guard in every school. This will, according to them, discourage school shootings.

Now, if each school only has one armed guard, how are those guards going to break for lunch? Many schools are twisty and turny – a shooter might start on the opposite side of the school that the guard is on and end up with just as many victims as Newtown. So I suspect that one armed guard is just the NRA’s method of getting a foot in the door. Really they almost certainly would want pairs.

And with the socialist point in the title, I can hear the taxpayer screaming “Where is the money going to come from?!” It will of course be up to the government to do this. And that is thinly veiled socialism. The only way it wouldn’t be socialism would be if the armed guards protected some kids and not the others. And that, of course is just immoral.

And the guards can’t be given a simple minimum wage. They have guns, after all. And it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to research and profile each guard. You know, so we don’t put the armed killer in the school and pay him. This is going to cost money, folks. Lots and lots of money.

Or else it just becomes security theatre like in the airports.

And the word kidnapping has kid right in the word. If the guards are going to be protecting kids of rich parents they might decide to take a couple steps across the good/evil line and make at least some parents pay them well.

This is not going to be a popular idea, NRA. Even if your tripe is widely accepted that more guns can decrease school shootings.

Socialism has been a bad word in American politics for some years. So since it fits in describing your latest plan NRA, I hope it sticks to you, a group of obvious socialists.

Then maybe we can get some ridiculous weaponry off the streets.

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C’mon, High School Teachers, Teach Sensawunda

Posted on 22 December 2012 by Larry Russwurm

For this post, I was just going to bitch that the fiction gatekeepers in high school, the teachers, seem to ignore genre fiction.

But then I thought back to my education more carefully and realized that grade 11 was a year spent entirely reading genre. One science fiction book (Fahrenheit 451), a mystery and a western were the books for that year. And I forgot the title but there was a book in grade 12 that dealt with a post nuclear war Australia where the killing fallout from the north was slowly winding south.

So we were taught genre fiction. But just not my type of genre fiction.

I love Sensawunda. That’s a deliberate misspelling for “sense of wonder” science fiction.

All those Orwells and Bradburys and Wellses just aren’t my thing. I know there should be conflict in fiction. I just don’t need that conflict to pound me over the head with a giant hammer till I am buried completely in the ground with no possibility of getting out. I don’t enjoy dystopias or near dystopias. They are more like something to be endured until they release their message to the world. These are the books that the English profession almost solely rely on to represent science fiction.

Not that the books I enjoy have to be Utopias. But a lot of the time they are optimistic with a happy ending. I like the Vernes and Asimovs and Nivens. Those that instill a Sensawunda, usually in things made real in the future.

These authors instilled a Sensawunda. Verne’s Journey to the Centre of the Earth and 20 000 Leagues Under the Sea described whole new worlds for the imagination. Awe is necessary to appreciate Asimov’s Foundation Series and its daring psychohistory which outlines the future of mankind with science, mathematics, and very prescient scientists. How shocking (in a good way) it would be to find a Ringworld like the one from Niven’s mind. Virtually all of Asimov’s settled galaxy could fit on this one ring around one star of the galaxy. That, too, is just awesome.

These authors knew that conflict was necessary. Verne uses man against nature. Asimov uses the universe against that grandmaster of psychohistory and foreteller of the future, Hari Seldon. Niven uses a meteor defence which shoots down the scouting craft forcing the explorers to find a way off Ringworld.

Why must pessimism reign supreme in the literature we are taught in school? Even in Flowers for Algernon which has a small bit of Sensawunda we are brought down to the $#!+ view by the end. I have never heard anyone say they studied an optimistic, Sensawunda science fiction book in high school. Yet a large part of science fiction(I’d guess about half) is in exactly that style. You cannot pretend to represent the field when such a large element is missing.

So we’ll leave it here. Where I call the high school English teachers of this world illiterate. Sensawunda illiterates, that is.

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The True Chretien King Maker

Posted on 19 December 2012 by Larry Russwurm

Many have lamented how the left and centre of the Canadian political spectrum have been left out of power for many years. There have been calls for the left leaning NDP and centrist Liberal party to merge in order to take down Harper.

There even is a movement afoot for the NDP and Liberals and Greens to only run the most likely winner amongst their three parties in each riding to get around the limitations of our First Past the Post system and then put in force a proportional representation system. A system that would reward a 37% showing with 37% of the seats. Not with the majority of the seats.

At this date, both the merger and the proportional representation scheme seem unlikely to happen. So are we stuck with Stephen Harper being the prime minister till he deigns to finally step down?

We can look at what made the last stable non conservative governments. What tricks did those party leaders use to win elections?

The last win for the Liberals was Paul Martin’s minority government that edged out Stephen Harper with a smear campaign. Something Harper definitely took to heart, smearing any possible winner except himself since 2006.

That Martin government seemed more like a fluke than a dynasty. Indeed, a dangerous moniker got attached to the Liberals at around this time. They began to brag about being the natural ruling party of Canada. Does the party wonder why they find themselves in third place, now?

Beating Harper now seems like a fluke and smart strategy by Martin. The elections before that is more of concern to this topic.

Jean Chretien won 3 back to back to back majority Liberal governments. Anyone from this time realizes that ‘natural ruling party’ was so much BS. The true king maker was Preston Manning. Just before Chretien’s first federal victory, Manning started the Reform Party. It was a second right wing party besides the Progressive Conservatives.

The key to centrist, leftist victory is to split the right wing vote. This was in play throughout all of Chretien’s victories.

So I dare someone to start a second federal right wing party. I’m looking at you, Wildrose party of Alberta.

Even more likely, some lefty could start a right wing party. That person should have flown below the radar for the last few years so their political views aren’t known. Then if the right wing vote splitting doesn’t work, that lefty has a chance to become prime minister, too. Sure it’s a low thing to shift on the political spectrum but we’re all used to political parties shifting after a victory.

Right, F-35 Stephen Harper?

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The Frackin’ Oil Companies

Posted on 15 December 2012 by Larry Russwurm

If you don’t know what fracking is, perhaps you should have paid more attention in the school yard. Fracking is what oil and gas companies do to get more reserves out of the ground. The official term is hydraulic fracturing.

Fracking is done by releasing pressurized fluid into the ground. Often a friction reducer or lubricant is used.

Fracking has social consequences. Groundwater can become contaminated, air quality can be compromised and frackin’ chemicals can come to the surface and spoil the environment.

One truly scary consequence of frackin’ is that it can trigger earthquakes. The largest one appears to be a magnitude 4.0 earthquake on the Richter scale. But something as lucrative as fracking (the frackin’ oil companies are now projecting that with unfettered fracking, North America will be oil self sufficient by 2050), can also spawn many earthquake denying studies and lawyers.

So if the oil companies want to frack below you, just say, “Frack off.” It’s not money for nothing. You are risking your groundwater, air, and surface. And places that the oil companies want to frack in don’t necessarily have any earthquake defences or codes.

Send a big “Frack you” to big oil and gas, by continuing to switch over to greener environmental options. Fracking just means oil and gas will last a little longer. The party will still eventually be over.

We can only afford to say, “What the frack?” in non oil and gas communities. Effected areas would be wise to legislate.

In the meantime, help make frack a bad word.

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Stephen Harper Gets Cartoond

Posted on 12 December 2012 by Larry Russwurm

[Stephen Harper: As a conservative I never believe in nationalizing Canada’s resources.

2nd balloon: But Malaysia and China can nationalize Canada’s resources.

Harper’s button: Alberta 4 eva! Great Lakes neva!]

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Yes, Nintendo, There are More English Pronouns to Misspell

Posted on 8 December 2012 by Larry Russwurm

First came the Wii. With the odd spelling, Nintendo could easily deny that it was an English word. Even if you thought it might have a meaning in English it could mean the English word, wee, as well as the pronoun we.

Then came the U. What are the odds that Nintendo would sound out a second English word and again they had an odd spelling? Sure it could mean the English word, ewe, but twice in a row hints at a pattern and could easily be the English pronoun, you.

This is too much of a coincidence. Like Apple’s attempt to dominate the letter “i” (also a pronoun -do you see where this is headed?).

I think Nintendo is going to actually challenge the Apple stranglehold in their next outing. Of course the U fits under the Wii branding. It only makes sense for U and Aye to make up the Wii line. That is just as much logic as Apple uses in making everything an “i”.

Indeed we should celebrate Nintendo for branching out with their naming pattern because if we let companies own a letter there are only 25 more to go.

Nintendo could continue with Uss, Thay, Mii etc. Then they could make male and female versions like a blue Hii and a pink Shii or a blue Hym and pink Hur.

Then, once Nintendo has a stranglehold on their market and their customers they can be more possessive with names like Miine, Yore, Thare and of course “R” as in Our. Nintendo, you trademark testing monstrosity, you want to take on the Toys R Us chain, too? Sure the R in Toys R Us is backward but that hasn’t slowed down that trademark’s annexation of the forward form,too.

I say let the companies fight it out. Maybe eventually we English speakers will get back our letters I,R and U, as well as our pronouns.

Update: Apparently Nintendo used “Mii”s as player avatars right from the outset with the Wii.

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Xmas Miracle: Spirit of Giving Reaches Marketer

Posted on 5 December 2012 by Larry Russwurm

The spirit of giving is so popular this year that it reached a marketer as is evidenced by a television ad in my area. That marketer was so effected that they UNDER sold something.

In this ad they say “Save 60% so you can buy 60% more”. Well if a person saves 60% they have spent only 40%. 60% more of that is 24% of the original price. So the total is only 64%. If you were to spend the full original price you would have to spend 150% more.

Since this marketer only wishes for 64% of your gift money you are now free to spend that 36 % elsewhere. Perhaps you could give that money to charity. Or invest it. Or pay down debt especially the credit card kind. It’s up to you. And some people may use it to pay forward the spirit of giving.

Perhaps that marketer will no longer be as rich as he/she set out to be this holiday season. But no matter how cold it gets this winter their heart will be 2 ½ times its original size and it will keep them warm. It’s a true Xmas miracle.

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NaNoWriMo Winner

Posted on 1 December 2012 by Larry Russwurm

This is going to be a non humourous, self congratulatory post. You see, this year I entered the NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) contest. In my last post before November began, I outlined my strategy of trying to write a set of short stories rather than a novel and my writing goal each day would be to complete one computer page (approximately 600 words or 2 paperback pages).

But my sister Laurel L. Russwurm (Now a 3 times NaNoWriMo winner) suggested that I at least try the 1667 words per day. I had been hesitant to commit because even though I’ve written off and on for 15 years my largest output in a day was 3 computer pages or basically the output I would have to do every day for NaNoWriMo. I agreed to at least start off with that as my goal.

The first and second day I succeeded both times and indeed tried to push myself even further writing 4 pages and 3 ½ pages respectively. I felt funny that second evening, like I was pushing myself too hard and that last page or ½ page seemed to take much longer per word. So for the rest of the contest I mostly did my 3 pages and left it at that.

So 3 pages was my goal and it actually works out to something like 2000 words. I only missed 3 days and finished a few days ahead of time. So I’m unexpectedly happy with my November output.

One final note. I still haven’t written a full novel. But I’ve heard of the mid novel lull where writers strain to put interesting things on the page. I missed this challenge by writing short stories. However I think the writing of short stories is just as hard because I had to restart 6 times and this beginning phase slowed down my progress by quite a bit. Next year I am going to try the novel. I have a novel in mind that is related to my short stories.

Congratulations to all the winners of NaNoWriMo and to all those people who have won just by participating.

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Pfizer Pfail

Posted on 25 November 2012 by Larry Russwurm

Pfizer’s patent on Viagra was pulled in Canada earlier this month. They were caught gaming the patent system by not fully disclosing what the invention was. The point of patents is to get the invention out in the open so at the end of the 20 year monopoly, society has gained.

 I brazenly cheered this news because I have had to put up with obnoxious advertising for Viagra for years. But it doesn’t stop there. Anyone with an email account has probably gotten Viagra spam. Especially us middle aged men. The third thing that has really bothered me was all the comment spam I get from this blog site. You are only too right in thinking that Viagra has spammed this site, almost from the very start, and often. So much so it made my comment blacklist at a very early date.

 So I am pleased to see Viagra earning less money. I am pleased to see Pfizer punished. But in all my cheering I forgot one thing.

 Now there are going to be 3 companies making generic Viagra. We are now going to see advertisements for Niagra. We are going to have more spam in our inboxes thanks to Viagara. Viagara Falls will flow into my comment spam causing a delayed reaction by me in blacklisting it. So for weeks or months I will have to wade through more spam until I figure out which companies are selling the generic Viagra with less obvious names than plays on the name Niagara.

 What most disturbs me about this case was that Pfizer won in two lower courts with such an obvious ruse. They probably paid for the best lawyers to extend their product’s monopoly to near the end of its term. So welcome to Canada where only 2 out of every 3 courts are crooked.

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